All I want for Christmas...

Is a kind word from a stranger. I don't think it's too much to ask. In fact, it's the comments of strangers that led to my first post. The attitude that I'm crazy for taking on parenting, for loving it, for feeling blessed to have three children under three. The comments were hurtful enough, but the sheer amount was what really hurts my heart. I never realized how widespread in our society the "parenting is so hard" mindset truly was. Am I saying parenting is a piece of cake? No. But like I stated in that first post, when did we get to the point that we figured only a few "supermoms" can actually enjoy parenting and do it well? When did we forget that God has called us and equipped us to handle every situation we face as mothers? Why are we so quick to complain about parenthood rather than to celebrate it?

When I go out with my children, it is for the most part an enjoyable experience. I mean, we have our days...missed nap times, bad attitudes, not feeling well...but 99% of the time we are laughing, smiling, truly enjoying each other. So to have our nice time together interrupted by strangers who feel the need to comment on "how full" my hands are, how I "need a hobby" (apparently if you have 3 children all you do is, well, you know...), "how crazy" people think I am. Based on the comments I receive it's apparent that people believe my decision to have my children (to have so many, and to have them close together) is selfish, I should be miserable, and I am just setting myself up for failure. And it's not just me. It's a common thing for my friends to be at the receiving end of these comments as well. A woman told me friend, in front of her children, "how sorry" she was that they were all hers (well, she whispered it so I guess she felt  that made it ok.) And do not get me started on comments made about my friends who have adopted or biracial children. All of us have anywhere from 2-4 children. Hardly a large number, in fact a pretty normal number in my opinion. Let's change this. Let's change this parenthood attitude. We obviously cannot change other people's opinions on how our family should look, but we can pass on to others how much we love our families. We can encourage each other, and hopefully one day these discouraging words will be the ones that are few and far between rather than the good ones. When we see a mother in the store with her children, to share an encouraging word with her, rather than to make these comments that imply she should be embarrassed or miserable in her current situation. Obviously, I know these judgemental comments and sideways glances aren't going to go away, but it would be nice if I would get a "You must have so much fun with your children" or "Your family is so blessed" while I'm out with my family more often than getting the negative comments. I don't ever want my children to believe that I feel the same way about them as these strangers. I want them to know that they are not a burden. That I don't just view them as hard work. I want them to know they are loved, cherished, and pretty darn great. It would be nice if they were made to think I'm not the only one who feels this way! How wonderful if my children could grow up in a society that valued them as much as I do.

Despite all of the negativity, I've had those special moments, when people have said something encouraging to me. When my children are screaming in line for candy and I tell them no. To have a fellow mother say, "You're doing a good job." Rather than giving me a pitiful look or telling me to "just give it to them." The time a lady who had 5 children purposefully came across the restaurant to tell me to "Enjoy them because they are such great blessings." Today, to have one of those horrible moments after my 3 and 2 year old held the door open for a lady with a walker. Her daughter (who was a fully grown woman) instead of making a comment about how sweet my children were, looked at my baby in the carrier then at my older two and says, "You finally got your boy. Congratulations on that one." The fact that my older son (who has long hair) was wearing all blue escaped her I guess. But even if Kason were my first boy, why would I be more grateful for him? And why was this the comment she felt was the most important thing to tell me at the time? After that, to be so discouraged yet again, only to have a sweet women tell me a little later on, how "precious my family was, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed I am." That comment turned my yet again defeated attitude into one of hope and joy. Because I do hope that people see the love and happiness I feel for my family. I pray that we will look for opportunities to encourage other mothers, and I pray that we will never be a source of hurt or anger to them. I pray that, one day, a kind word from a stranger will be commonplace rather than the exception. And that is what I want for Christmas.

God-Colored Glasses

Nothing can prepare you for becoming a mother, nothing. Not until that little helpless bundle of unconditional love is in your arms can you even begin to comprehend what lies ahead. But somewhere between the positive pregnancy test and the birth of our precious miracle we have it all "mapped" out. Then after our baby is born and nothing goes according to plan we begin to feel inadequate. I don't think any mom believes that she can just sit back for the next 21 years and their children will magically turn into respectful, God-fearing, contributing members of society. So why do we seem to be getting so bogged down by the everyday responsibilities of motherhood? When did it get to the point that the sacrifices we make as mothers seem too big a burden? How did it happen that we will devote 40 hours a week to our careers, and only give our children whatever is left after we have accomplished everything we have on our to-do lists? We need to start examining some of our expectations of parenthood, and we need to start looking at parenthood through God-colored glasses.

Isn't it strange that the mothers who have faced the worst situations with their children are the ones who find parenting the least stressful? It's because somewhere along the road they learned life is a gift and we are to cherish every single moment, even the ones that make us want to pull our hair out. Take a couple of minutes to watch this as a reminder of God's promises to us through hardships. I have had too many friends and family suffer from true hardships for me to let the everyday responsibilities of parenting get in the way. Does this mean my "trials" seem easier while I am going through them? Well, it sure does put it into perspective doesn't it. If they can make it through a cancer diagnosis, I can survive the cold and flu season. If they can see the blessings God has brought through a stillborn child, I can see the blessings God has brought me through my happy, healthy children. If they can lay at their child's bed side night after night praying they will make it until morning, I can cherish the moments my babies want me to read an extra 2, or 10, bedtime stories no matter how tired I am. If we are equipped to handle even the hardest situation, why do we feel inadequate in the everyday responsibilities? Our wake-up call does not have to come through a tough situation. It comes through our knowledge of who we are in Christ, our recognition of our importance as mothers, and the expectation that everyday responsibilities are a part of who we are as mothers so we are able to give thanks for the blessings of our family. It does not come through rose-colored glasses, but it comes through God-colored ones.

The Call to Encourage

When I was a young child I went in front of our church and accepted a call to ministry. At the time I didn't know what that exact calling was, but I had just returned from my first mission trip to Duson, LA and I knew I had a calling on my life. I always assumed that the specific calling would be revealed to me at least by the time I was finishing high school, but it wasn't.

From middle school until college I devoutly attended church services, youth events, and went on several more mission trips. I led praise and worship at school and for our youth and was very verbal about my life as a Christian. 
During that time I led many small groups and found myself mentoring a small group of girls and began to think maybe I was called to youth ministry. In college I continued to lead praise and worship, led several Bible studies, and was even planning on moving to another state to begin being mentored by a wonderful woman of God and learning the art of her woman's ministry. The funny thing was this "great calling" I felt on my life still had not been revealed to me and I continued to bounce back and forth between ministry callings.

When things fell through for me to move it was at the exact moment I met my husband. Still not feeling a "clear" call on my life I decided to take a semester off of school and never went back. I continued to search for my calling. I tried my hand at real estate, banking, and even played around with the idea of cosmetology. I just couldn't seem to find my "call". Have I found what my call to ministry is yet, I don't know. But I do know that God has taught me that with every mission trip, with every song, with every spot that I was in my life I was called to minister in that moment. So maybe I haven't found my "ultimate" ministry calling. But I've learned that the "little" callings are just as important .

When I started this blog three months ago  I was at a point in my life where I was just getting a grasp on the idea of these "little" callings. I was beginning to notice the importance of every single thing I do. That every action has the ability to impact the kingdom of God. That every day holds the opportunity for a life changing moment. When I began getting so many messages from pregnant friends (which to all of you who messaged me about your pregnancy before you told everyone else you have no idea how much of an act of God it was for me to keep it a secret! I am the worst secret keeper ever, so thank you for teaching me the art of keeping my mouth shut!) and other mommy friends asking for encouragement through different situations the idea of this blog was planted in my spirit.

By the time this blog was put out to the public I had asked around 30 people- pregnant for the first time moms, other Christian moms who were at the same point in life that I am, and even a few men- to take a look at several blog posts that I had written. The feedback was so amazing, the energy level was high, and I knew in my Spirit that this was what the Lord was calling me to do at this moment. So imagine the frustration, confusion, and hurt that came when at the very first post such personal attack began to happen.

Here's what I have taken out of all of this.
#1 is that the world will reject a message of truth. 1 Corinthians 2:14 and John 15 are very clear at what the world's reaction to us will be. I think the problem was that I had surrounded myself with such a strong group of Christian influences for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to be confronted by the flesh in such a strong way. Is it wrong that I have such a strong support system of women who hold my same beliefs? Absolutely not! In fact, it is vital. But my problem is that because I had the ability, I had been able to completely remove myself from the world in a way that left me unprepared to witness in it.
My ministry calling through this blog is to Christian women, but that does not mean I do not have to deal with non-Christian women at the same time. And I was completely caught off guard at this.Sometimes God doesn't give us all the details of what will happen when we answer a call, He just expects us to answer.

#2 people are messy. We all have our past which has raised in us "flesh patterns" that are almost impossible to break. We all have made mistakes which can easily bring up in us a spirit of defensiveness. And we all struggle with our insecurities. When I had began this blog it had never occurred to me that some would see it as a "judgement" call. I never once considered that it would cause some women to feel the need to become defensive. Why? Because when I started this blog it was out of the call of Romans 8. In Christ there is NO condemnation. vs 9 says, "You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you." Going back to vs 5-6 it says "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. " I poured into this blog with a Spirit of God, not out of flesh. With a mind set on bringing life and peace to fellow mothers. The problem is, not everyone came into reading it with the same goal. And that's okay, it just wasn't something I was prepared for.
I had prepared myself for a group of women whose minds were all set on one common goal through the Spirit.

#3 When something has the ability to be great Satan has to get his mess all up in it. As stated in Romans with God there is no condemnation, but Satan sure does like to come in and make it feel that way. In fact Satan doesn't attack us by coming in the opposite direction as God, he comes at us from the side. He is just close enough to make it "appear" like a godly thing at the time because he knows that if he came at us in such an obvious way he would be defeated every single time. We would reject the devil flat out. But sometimes it is hard to recognize where our feelings are coming from. But I assure you God meant the Scriptures to encourage not condemn, to build up not tear down, to give you strength not to make you feel weak.

Our problems as humans is a thing called guilt. There are two kinds of guilt that are so closely related it's hard to see where one begins and where one ends.
But the difference is one is a true guilt from God. A prodding of the Holy Spirit to direct us to follow His will. The other is the false guilt from the devil. This false guilt taunts us, condemns us, and brings us shame. It brings in us a spirit of defensiveness rather than openness. It hardens our heart to the word rather than softens it. And it puts in our spirit a sense of blame rather than forgiveness.
2 Corinthians 7:10 says, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 1 Peter 5:8 tells us that Satan is a lion who prowls around looking for someone to devour.

My friends, I speak out in the name of Jesus, do not let Satan turn these words of encouragement into words of condemnation. Do not allow guilt of your mistakes to take over the hope you have through forgiveness. Let these teachings bring love to your spirit not anger, peace not hurt, joy not sorrow, patience not frustration, kindness and goodness rather than defensiveness, faithfulness not questions. Do not allow Satan to distort the truth and turn it into lies in your heart.