Patience is a Virtue...but is it one of mine?

Have you ever been told not to pray for patience? I have, and I know it's because patience is just not a very fun thing to have to practice. It usually requires going through some pretty hard things to get to the point where you truly are patient. Well, here I am going through a trial of patience and I didn't even pray for it. I am actually a very patient person. Sitting in traffic for 2 hours? No big deal, I'll catch up on the news. Waiting in the doctor's office for 3 hours while she delivers a baby or two? Finally, some peace and quiet to read a book without the kids interrupting. My husband doesn't have a job? Oh, well I will wait on the Lord because He will provide. I am realizing that I'm not as patient as I thought. I'm just selfishly patient. I'm mostly patient when it's convenient to be patient.

When I'm in the middle of something and my babies keep interrupting me I'm not patient. When I'm sitting here in constant pain, still waiting for test results to come in and getting no answers I'm not patient. When I ask my dear, sweet hubby to make me a sandwich and it takes just a little too long I am not patient. I. AM. NOT. PATIENT. I. AM. NOT. PATIENT. I. AM. NOT. PATIENT. Oh, I may still have more patience than most people, but I am not perfectly patient in every situation. And patience has been becoming a lot easier in the past few years with the situations we have dealt with, but I am obviously just not there yet. Yes, I'm a pretty patient person, but I do still have work to do. So this requires God to bring me through trials, to refine me, to bring to the surface my weakness so He can remove it from me. I am not always patient, and God is bringing to my attention the times that I am not patient and that I am not patient in Him. And He is bringing to my attention the reasons why I am only "sefishly" patient.

I am patient when the situation is so far beyond my control that there is nothing I can do, I am forced to be patient. But I am not patient when I feel there is something I should be able to handle myself. I am not patient because I am still trying to be in control. I am patient when it is in my best interests to be patient. Some peace and quiet, time to do something for myself, of course I can be patient then, but I am not patient when it is uncomfortable. I am not patient when it is something that I feel needs to be done now. I am not patient because I am selfish. I am patient when I can see the bigger picture, but sometimes there is no bigger picture. I cannot be patient when I am taking two steps back every time I'm trying to move forward. I'm not patient because I am not perfectly trusting. Nope, I am honestly not very patient at all, and I obviously have work to do in some other areas as well. 

God, I know they say, "never to pray for patience," but you desire that of me. I know that it may mean trials, even more than what I face now, but if that's what it takes to make me patient then I am willing. I may not be ready, but I am willing. God, grant me patience by removing in me my need for control, my selfishness, my lack of trust in you. Bring to the surface all of my impurities and wipe them away. Make me as pure as gold refined in the fire, and bring me to perfection in You. Amen.

All I want for Christmas...

Is a kind word from a stranger. I don't think it's too much to ask. In fact, it's the comments of strangers that led to my first post. The attitude that I'm crazy for taking on parenting, for loving it, for feeling blessed to have three children under three. The comments were hurtful enough, but the sheer amount was what really hurts my heart. I never realized how widespread in our society the "parenting is so hard" mindset truly was. Am I saying parenting is a piece of cake? No. But like I stated in that first post, when did we get to the point that we figured only a few "supermoms" can actually enjoy parenting and do it well? When did we forget that God has called us and equipped us to handle every situation we face as mothers? Why are we so quick to complain about parenthood rather than to celebrate it?

When I go out with my children, it is for the most part an enjoyable experience. I mean, we have our days...missed nap times, bad attitudes, not feeling well...but 99% of the time we are laughing, smiling, truly enjoying each other. So to have our nice time together interrupted by strangers who feel the need to comment on "how full" my hands are, how I "need a hobby" (apparently if you have 3 children all you do is, well, you know...), "how crazy" people think I am. Based on the comments I receive it's apparent that people believe my decision to have my children (to have so many, and to have them close together) is selfish, I should be miserable, and I am just setting myself up for failure. And it's not just me. It's a common thing for my friends to be at the receiving end of these comments as well. A woman told me friend, in front of her children, "how sorry" she was that they were all hers (well, she whispered it so I guess she felt  that made it ok.) And do not get me started on comments made about my friends who have adopted or biracial children. All of us have anywhere from 2-4 children. Hardly a large number, in fact a pretty normal number in my opinion. Let's change this. Let's change this parenthood attitude. We obviously cannot change other people's opinions on how our family should look, but we can pass on to others how much we love our families. We can encourage each other, and hopefully one day these discouraging words will be the ones that are few and far between rather than the good ones. When we see a mother in the store with her children, to share an encouraging word with her, rather than to make these comments that imply she should be embarrassed or miserable in her current situation. Obviously, I know these judgemental comments and sideways glances aren't going to go away, but it would be nice if I would get a "You must have so much fun with your children" or "Your family is so blessed" while I'm out with my family more often than getting the negative comments. I don't ever want my children to believe that I feel the same way about them as these strangers. I want them to know that they are not a burden. That I don't just view them as hard work. I want them to know they are loved, cherished, and pretty darn great. It would be nice if they were made to think I'm not the only one who feels this way! How wonderful if my children could grow up in a society that valued them as much as I do.

Despite all of the negativity, I've had those special moments, when people have said something encouraging to me. When my children are screaming in line for candy and I tell them no. To have a fellow mother say, "You're doing a good job." Rather than giving me a pitiful look or telling me to "just give it to them." The time a lady who had 5 children purposefully came across the restaurant to tell me to "Enjoy them because they are such great blessings." Today, to have one of those horrible moments after my 3 and 2 year old held the door open for a lady with a walker. Her daughter (who was a fully grown woman) instead of making a comment about how sweet my children were, looked at my baby in the carrier then at my older two and says, "You finally got your boy. Congratulations on that one." The fact that my older son (who has long hair) was wearing all blue escaped her I guess. But even if Kason were my first boy, why would I be more grateful for him? And why was this the comment she felt was the most important thing to tell me at the time? After that, to be so discouraged yet again, only to have a sweet women tell me a little later on, how "precious my family was, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed I am." That comment turned my yet again defeated attitude into one of hope and joy. Because I do hope that people see the love and happiness I feel for my family. I pray that we will look for opportunities to encourage other mothers, and I pray that we will never be a source of hurt or anger to them. I pray that, one day, a kind word from a stranger will be commonplace rather than the exception. And that is what I want for Christmas.

God-Colored Glasses

Nothing can prepare you for becoming a mother, nothing. Not until that little helpless bundle of unconditional love is in your arms can you even begin to comprehend what lies ahead. But somewhere between the positive pregnancy test and the birth of our precious miracle we have it all "mapped" out. Then after our baby is born and nothing goes according to plan we begin to feel inadequate. I don't think any mom believes that she can just sit back for the next 21 years and their children will magically turn into respectful, God-fearing, contributing members of society. So why do we seem to be getting so bogged down by the everyday responsibilities of motherhood? When did it get to the point that the sacrifices we make as mothers seem too big a burden? How did it happen that we will devote 40 hours a week to our careers, and only give our children whatever is left after we have accomplished everything we have on our to-do lists? We need to start examining some of our expectations of parenthood, and we need to start looking at parenthood through God-colored glasses.

Isn't it strange that the mothers who have faced the worst situations with their children are the ones who find parenting the least stressful? It's because somewhere along the road they learned life is a gift and we are to cherish every single moment, even the ones that make us want to pull our hair out. Take a couple of minutes to watch this as a reminder of God's promises to us through hardships. I have had too many friends and family suffer from true hardships for me to let the everyday responsibilities of parenting get in the way. Does this mean my "trials" seem easier while I am going through them? Well, it sure does put it into perspective doesn't it. If they can make it through a cancer diagnosis, I can survive the cold and flu season. If they can see the blessings God has brought through a stillborn child, I can see the blessings God has brought me through my happy, healthy children. If they can lay at their child's bed side night after night praying they will make it until morning, I can cherish the moments my babies want me to read an extra 2, or 10, bedtime stories no matter how tired I am. If we are equipped to handle even the hardest situation, why do we feel inadequate in the everyday responsibilities? Our wake-up call does not have to come through a tough situation. It comes through our knowledge of who we are in Christ, our recognition of our importance as mothers, and the expectation that everyday responsibilities are a part of who we are as mothers so we are able to give thanks for the blessings of our family. It does not come through rose-colored glasses, but it comes through God-colored ones.

Whose Powers Do You Put Your Trust In?

This list was sent to my email from one of my Bible Study moms (evidence of why we should be surrounding ourselves with encouraging, godly women!) What a perfect reminder of who we are in Christ and the calling we have as mothers!!! I linked up the verses, so make sure you look them up when you get a chance.

"SUPER" WOMAN

1. Does
2. Tries to impress others
3. Controlled by an agenda
4. Self worth is found is her accomplishments
5. Peace is found in the "perfect" environment
6. Discouraged by failure
7. Expects perfection from herself and others
8. Teaches her kids to be good
9. Frustrated with her lack of Spiritual Fruit
10. Does things with her children
11. Her perspective is based on what is seen
12. She chooses quantity of activities

ABIDING WOMAN

1. IS (Psalm 46:10)
2. PLEASES THE LORD (Eph 5:10, Prov 29:25)
3. CONTROLLED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT (Gal 5:22-26)
4. SELF WORTH IS FOUND IN AN ACCURATE VIEW OF WHO SHE IS IN CHRIST (Eph 2:10)
5. PEACE IS FOUND IN JESUS IN THE MIDST OF ANY STORM (Is 26:3)
6. FAILURE REMINDS HER THAT GOD'S STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS (2 Cor 12:9-10)
7. SHE PRACTICES GRACE WITH HERSELF AND OTHERS (Eph 4:32)
8. SHE TEACHES HER KIDS TO BE GODLY (Prov 22:6)
9. SHE ABIDES IN CHRIST AND BEARS MUCH FRUIT (John 15:5)
10. SHE BUILDS A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER CHILDREN (Deut 6:6-7)
11. HER PERSPECTIVE IS BASED ON WHAT IS UNSEEN (Col 3:2)
12. SHE CHOOSES THE MOST EXCELLENT WAY (I Cor 13)

I think it's pretty obvious hands-down who the true super woman is!!!

I'm not Super Woman...but I do have super powers

With 3 kids ages 3 1/2, 2, and 14 weeks. I constantly get funny looks, sad smiles, and even some nasty comments from people when we go out in public. Unfortunately, I missed the memo that went out sometime in the past few years that said, "You should have no more than 2 1/2 children, and they should be spaced at least five years apart." Well, poo, I guess that would make my life just so much easier if I would have done it that way *insert massive amounts of sarcasm here*. Here's the deal, I absolutely adore my family which includes everything about us. I adore how close my children are in age, I adore how we got pregnant within 2 months of getting married, and I adore the thought of the even crazier looks I know we will get when we have even more children. But people just can't understand that. The problem is, people today (especially other mothers) are stuck in a rut. They are stuck in this "motherhood is soooo hard, it would be so much easier if, I can't wait until we're past this phase" rut and cannot see the beautiful blessing that is in front of them. I thank television for trying to "glamorize" the blown way out of proportion hard times that parents have to face when they have children. Basically, I blame the world for being the world, and Christian mothers for giving into the same mindset as the world.

Am I saying parenting is easy? Absolutely not, but let's be completely honest here...Parenting does not have to be so hard that you wish you were doing something, anything else with your life.

If you find yourself in a constant state of being overwhelmed, wanting to scream at anyone who even looks at you (including that precious little newborn who has done nothing but need nourishment and love), and wishing you were anything but a mother, it is probably time for a wake up call. If you think making it through this "phase" and into the next will make you a good mom you will never be happy with your job as a mother. f you think you would enjoy being a mother if God had granted you "easier" kids (or let's face it, any kids but the ones he actually gave you) you are missing the mark on what being a mother actually means. If you think sitting around with other mothers talking about how being a parent has been the worst thing that could have happened is going to encourage you to be a better mother, well you are very, very mistaken. We have convinced ourselves that being a mother is so hard that only the select few "super moms" can actually enjoy being a mother. But we miss the fact that as a Christian we are more than equipped to be a "super mom".

Let's take a quick peek at some of the comments we as moms say on a very frequent basis. "Being a mom is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me." "If I had had her first I probably wouldn't have had any more kids." "I can't wait until we are out of this phase and they are older." "So-and-so is so lucky. Her kids are just so easy. It would be so much better if my kids were that well-behaved." Do you see what all of these comments have in common? All of these comments are based on the idea that your happiness as a parent is dependant on the circumstances that happen to you throughout the day and that you are not focusing on the call God has placed on your life as a mother. And guess what this train of thought is wrong. As a Christian I am called to follow God's will for my life. If God's will included children, then it is His plan that I raise them in a godly way. Guess what, being a selfish mom is not being a godly mom, being an enviouis mom is not being a godly mom, being a mom who is filled with anger is not being a godly mom. This mind-set, although "understandable" is evidence that you are not living your life as a mom the way that God has purposed for you.

God has provided every Christian with His powers. Do you understand that? Do you truly understand the fact that as a Christian you have the POWER OF THE CREATOR AND KEEPER OF THE UNIVERSE INSIDE OF YOU FOR YOU TO USE? Do you understand that God has not only given you these children, but he has given you everything you need to raise them and raise them the right way? Not if you are constantly on the edge throughout the day just waiting for it to be over. If you feel under-equipped then you need to claim the promises that God has given us. You need to remember what it truly means to be a Christian. You need a serious dose of who you are not through yourself but through Christ. You need to remember that you are filled with the fruits of the Spirit and you need to act out of those fruits. You need to approach every single situation with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

When you have access to those powers you do not have the excuse to feel overwhelmed, to feel guilty, or to feel like a failure. You don't have the excuse because you have the tools. Will you get overwhelmed? Yes. Will you feel guilty? Yes. Will you feel like a failure? Yes. But only in those times that you choose to act outside of the Spirit and continue to walk in your own flesh. When you parent with your flesh, you parent out of selfishness, anger, fear, and helplessness. You will be exhausted with no relief because you will be depending on your own powers rather than allowing God's powers to be used through you. 

On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you parent through the Spirit, you will be acting out of the powers God has equipped you with. You won't feel like locking a screaming child in their room and throwing away the key, but will instead want to grab that mean-spirited child into the biggest bear hug you can manage and not let go until their heart is softened. Your heart will be filled with joy at the most surprising moments. I've found the most surprising time I feel this fruit is at the end of the day gazing across my filthy floors, at an entire counter overflowing with dirty dishes, and the crayon marks and playdough stuck to the wall. I find myself being so full of JOY with my children that I have honestly been moved to tears of happiness looking at this complete mess of a house.You will be acting out of peace rather than insecurity. You will not be fearful of the bills on the table, the sometimes negative bank account, or how your children are ever going to get the things they need let alone want. If you live out of peace, you will have faith in God's direction and God's provision.

If you live out of the Spirit you will have patience. Not just patience with your circumstances, the fruit of the Spirit refers to your patience with people. Imagine the power of that one little fruit as a mother. That can literally change your entire outlook on life! To have such mercy with your children that you don't see the 50million questions a day as an obstacle but as an opportunity, to have such patience that reading that book 5 times instead of one doesn't feel like absolute torture, to have such forgiveness that all of those things your children do throughout the day that feel like a personal attack are completely forgotten. Are you beginning to see why I said parenting just doesn't have to be that hard? And we are not even halfway through the powers that God has provided you!

Imagine if you were living your life out of Kindness and Goodness? Having a tender heart towards your children and acting out of that tender-heartedness. If you were living out of faithfulness? You will never doubt God's purpose for your job as a mother. Can you see the power in being called to be a mother rather than just being a woman who has children?
The last one is like the icing on the cake. This is the one that ties all the other Spirits together and will leave you feeling like you actually are super woman. Self-control. Enough said. Imagine mothering out of a spirit of self-control rather than out of the first reaction that comes into your mind.

Momma, you have the power to be everything you have every wanted to be as a mother, you have the power to do everything you envy in other mothers. You have to embrace it, you have to claim it, but most importantly you have to walk in it! Yes, some days it will be difficult to walk in the Spirit and your children will still act the same tomorrow as they did today (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before). But if you begin mothering through the Spirit you will no longer feel like it is one of the hardest things in your life, instead you will be able to handle every situation that is thrown at you without feeling completely overwhelmed and defeated. If you walk in the Spirit, you will not feel guilty about how you treated your children, how you "felt" about them when they threw their truck at your face, or about how you may have done something that screwed them up so badly they will need many years of therapy to get past it.
You will not think of parenting as "hard", in fact, you will not even think of it as "work". You will begin to think of being a mother for what it truly is, a calling to be extraordinary. And then, one day, you will begin to find that others have started looking at your like you are "super woman" and you will be filled with such purpose that you will share with her how she, just like you did, can grab hold of her very own super powers.

Imagine a world filled with "super mothers"! Imagine a world filled with women who no longer feel overwhelmed be motherhood, but who feel like motherhood is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to them. That's the kind of women I want to surround myself with, that's the kind of world I want my children to grow up in, and that is the kind of world God has purposed for us as mothers. Let's start parenting through God-colored glasses!