It's not quite a quiver full, but it's a start!

Friday, October 7, 2011

I'm not Super Woman...but I do have super powers

With 3 kids ages 3 1/2, 2, and 14 weeks. I constantly get funny looks, sad smiles, and even some nasty comments from people when we go out in public. Unfortunately, I missed the memo that went out sometime in the past few years that said, "You should have no more than 2 1/2 children, and they should be spaced at least five years apart." Well, poo, I guess that would make my life just so much easier if I would have done it that way *insert massive amounts of sarcasm here*. Here's the deal, I absolutely adore my family which includes everything about us. I adore how close my children are in age, I adore how we got pregnant within 2 months of getting married, and I adore the thought of the even crazier looks I know we will get when we have even more children. But people just can't understand that. The problem is, people today (especially other mothers) are stuck in a rut. They are stuck in this "motherhood is soooo hard, it would be so much easier if, I can't wait until we're past this phase" rut and cannot see the beautiful blessing that is in front of them. I thank television for trying to "glamorize" the blown way out of proportion hard times that parents have to face when they have children. Basically, I blame the world for being the world, and Christian mothers for giving into the same mindset as the world.

Am I saying parenting is easy? Absolutely not, but let's be completely honest here...Parenting does not have to be so hard that you wish you were doing something, anything else with your life.

If you find yourself in a constant state of being overwhelmed, wanting to scream at anyone who even looks at you (including that precious little newborn who has done nothing but need nourishment and love), and wishing you were anything but a mother, it is probably time for a wake up call. If you think making it through this "phase" and into the next will make you a good mom you will never be happy with your job as a mother. f you think you would enjoy being a mother if God had granted you "easier" kids (or let's face it, any kids but the ones he actually gave you) you are missing the mark on what being a mother actually means. If you think sitting around with other mothers talking about how being a parent has been the worst thing that could have happened is going to encourage you to be a better mother, well you are very, very mistaken. We have convinced ourselves that being a mother is so hard that only the select few "super moms" can actually enjoy being a mother. But we miss the fact that as a Christian we are more than equipped to be a "super mom".

Let's take a quick peek at some of the comments we as moms say on a very frequent basis. "Being a mom is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me." "If I had had her first I probably wouldn't have had any more kids." "I can't wait until we are out of this phase and they are older." "So-and-so is so lucky. Her kids are just so easy. It would be so much better if my kids were that well-behaved." Do you see what all of these comments have in common? All of these comments are based on the idea that your happiness as a parent is dependant on the circumstances that happen to you throughout the day and that you are not focusing on the call God has placed on your life as a mother. And guess what this train of thought is wrong. As a Christian I am called to follow God's will for my life. If God's will included children, then it is His plan that I raise them in a godly way. Guess what, being a selfish mom is not being a godly mom, being an enviouis mom is not being a godly mom, being a mom who is filled with anger is not being a godly mom. This mind-set, although "understandable" is evidence that you are not living your life as a mom the way that God has purposed for you.

God has provided every Christian with His powers. Do you understand that? Do you truly understand the fact that as a Christian you have the POWER OF THE CREATOR AND KEEPER OF THE UNIVERSE INSIDE OF YOU FOR YOU TO USE? Do you understand that God has not only given you these children, but he has given you everything you need to raise them and raise them the right way? Not if you are constantly on the edge throughout the day just waiting for it to be over. If you feel under-equipped then you need to claim the promises that God has given us. You need to remember what it truly means to be a Christian. You need a serious dose of who you are not through yourself but through Christ. You need to remember that you are filled with the fruits of the Spirit and you need to act out of those fruits. You need to approach every single situation with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

When you have access to those powers you do not have the excuse to feel overwhelmed, to feel guilty, or to feel like a failure. You don't have the excuse because you have the tools. Will you get overwhelmed? Yes. Will you feel guilty? Yes. Will you feel like a failure? Yes. But only in those times that you choose to act outside of the Spirit and continue to walk in your own flesh. When you parent with your flesh, you parent out of selfishness, anger, fear, and helplessness. You will be exhausted with no relief because you will be depending on your own powers rather than allowing God's powers to be used through you. 

On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you parent through the Spirit, you will be acting out of the powers God has equipped you with. You won't feel like locking a screaming child in their room and throwing away the key, but will instead want to grab that mean-spirited child into the biggest bear hug you can manage and not let go until their heart is softened. Your heart will be filled with joy at the most surprising moments. I've found the most surprising time I feel this fruit is at the end of the day gazing across my filthy floors, at an entire counter overflowing with dirty dishes, and the crayon marks and playdough stuck to the wall. I find myself being so full of JOY with my children that I have honestly been moved to tears of happiness looking at this complete mess of a house.You will be acting out of peace rather than insecurity. You will not be fearful of the bills on the table, the sometimes negative bank account, or how your children are ever going to get the things they need let alone want. If you live out of peace, you will have faith in God's direction and God's provision.

If you live out of the Spirit you will have patience. Not just patience with your circumstances, the fruit of the Spirit refers to your patience with people. Imagine the power of that one little fruit as a mother. That can literally change your entire outlook on life! To have such mercy with your children that you don't see the 50million questions a day as an obstacle but as an opportunity, to have such patience that reading that book 5 times instead of one doesn't feel like absolute torture, to have such forgiveness that all of those things your children do throughout the day that feel like a personal attack are completely forgotten. Are you beginning to see why I said parenting just doesn't have to be that hard? And we are not even halfway through the powers that God has provided you!

Imagine if you were living your life out of Kindness and Goodness? Having a tender heart towards your children and acting out of that tender-heartedness. If you were living out of faithfulness? You will never doubt God's purpose for your job as a mother. Can you see the power in being called to be a mother rather than just being a woman who has children?
The last one is like the icing on the cake. This is the one that ties all the other Spirits together and will leave you feeling like you actually are super woman. Self-control. Enough said. Imagine mothering out of a spirit of self-control rather than out of the first reaction that comes into your mind.

Momma, you have the power to be everything you have every wanted to be as a mother, you have the power to do everything you envy in other mothers. You have to embrace it, you have to claim it, but most importantly you have to walk in it! Yes, some days it will be difficult to walk in the Spirit and your children will still act the same tomorrow as they did today (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before). But if you begin mothering through the Spirit you will no longer feel like it is one of the hardest things in your life, instead you will be able to handle every situation that is thrown at you without feeling completely overwhelmed and defeated. If you walk in the Spirit, you will not feel guilty about how you treated your children, how you "felt" about them when they threw their truck at your face, or about how you may have done something that screwed them up so badly they will need many years of therapy to get past it.
You will not think of parenting as "hard", in fact, you will not even think of it as "work". You will begin to think of being a mother for what it truly is, a calling to be extraordinary. And then, one day, you will begin to find that others have started looking at your like you are "super woman" and you will be filled with such purpose that you will share with her how she, just like you did, can grab hold of her very own super powers.

Imagine a world filled with "super mothers"! Imagine a world filled with women who no longer feel overwhelmed be motherhood, but who feel like motherhood is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to them. That's the kind of women I want to surround myself with, that's the kind of world I want my children to grow up in, and that is the kind of world God has purposed for us as mothers. Let's start parenting through God-colored glasses!


  1. Thanks for the judgment, hope you feel better now!
    Also, think you need to revisit Scripture and whether it's your place to judge or not!

  2. Hi, I read your post (or at least most of it, spacing might help) and I was a bit bothered by it. I can understand your message but sadly you fall into the rut that most Christians fall into. The Holier then Thou /judgmental christian and let me push my beliefs upon you because I believe I am right.

    Did Christ himself not say..Judge not lest ye be judged? If you forgot that part of the Bible let me quote it here for you...

    1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
    2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
    3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
    4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
    5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. (Matthew 7:1-5)

    37 ¶ Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
    38 give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. (Luke 6:37 & 38)

    41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
    42 Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye. (Luke 6:41 & 42)

    Your message about using God's tools is lost in your rambling and rants about how other mothers complain about motherhood.

    Am I a perfect mother, heck no. Simply put no one can be perfect. Do I love motherhood, 99% of the time yes. Do I complain about my day, yes. But just because I complain about how hard it is or how my life might be a bit different if I didn't have 2 kids under 2 doesn't mean I don't love being a mother.

    You are judging people from doing what is natural. So here is my rant for the day. I would rather rant then keep it bottled up inside about how my husband decided that we would turn our 15 months old crib into a toddler bed.How he got up at least 3 times, and my husband gave him kool-aid, and was up from 3am-5am throwing a fit because he wanted to play. Then I had to go sleep on the floor next to him, after cleaning up his throw up from his fit. So yes tonight was hard and damn straight I am complaining, but it doesn't mean that I don't love being a mommy, or love the fact that God has given me these challenges to face and learn from.

    So yeah maybe I don't have it easy, maybe my kids aren't perfect but I am not going to preach my way to everyone.

    You want to talk about your mission from God. Your mission from God is show love, accept people for who they are and not be so judgmental.

    Do you think Christ would have posted a message like this?

  3. Wow. Not only is this blog dangerous to mothers EVERYWHERE, it's completely wrong. Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and "like a failure" is completely normal in the life of a mom. How could it not be? You are giving everything you have mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to these little people and trying to guide them into this crazy, beautiful world safely and consciously. You totally step over the line by calling YOURSELF a super mom. PLEASE! No one is a super mom. We all do the best we can with the tools we have - and if a mom wants to vent and decompress with her girlfriends over the frustrations with her kids that's HEALTHY. And I agree with the above comment - I grew up in the Church and I have no stinking idea what scripture you claim to be thumping around. You definitely need to revisit it. And cancel this blog while you're at it.

  4. I get where you were trying to go with this post, I really do. It's easy to get caught up in the mentality that things would only be better if...and it's a good reminder that we should remember to enjoy these moments. But beyond that, I think this missed the mark, so much so that other wounds are created.

    Trivializing or minimizing the struggles that other moms may face doesn't really help anyone, except maybe it makes you feel better? I can't imagine you haven't had a rough day as a parent - in fact, some of your more recent posts allude to this. But wrapping everything up in a tidy package and putting a bow on it, and making it sound like parenting is a pack of rainbows and puppy dogs? Well, the tough stuff is still in there, and it will find its way out. Acknowledging the struggles and supporting each other, and finding way to help one another go a lot further than what is suggested in this post.

    What I take away from this post, whether it's your intention or not, is that anyone who struggles with being a parent (specifically being a mother) isn't good enough: she doesn't have enough self-control, she isn't kind enough, she isn't Godly enough....and maybe, just maybe, she wasn't cut out to be a mother in the first place. So on top of whatever struggles she's feeling, she's now left with a healthy dose of guilt because she couldn't live up to whatever imaginary standard for mothering or parenting that you, or someone else, has imposed on her.

  5. "You need a serious dose of what it truly means to be a Christian." -- Maybe you should take you own words to heart. You make Christians like me look bad. Shame on you.

  6. Micah 6:8 He has shown you O, mortal what is good and what the Lord requires of you. You are to do justice, love kindness, and to walk humbly with our God.

  7. Krista, you are a friend and I enjoy watching you "do" life but I don't think this is true. Parenting is such a joy and obviously a God-given gift but I think it is the hardest job I will ever have! To raise up 4 children that love and fear the Lord, that LOVE people, that know who they are and how much they are wanted, etc...that's SO HARD To do in a world that tells them otherwise :) It's hard to do on days that they are ALL screaming at the top of their lungs and hitting eachother and me...but that's what Grace is...Grace that covers me when I do say what I shouldn't say, when I do spank too hard (and honestly, more for my sake than theirs ;) when I just don't feel like being there :) BUT there is MUCH reward for working SO HARD...we weren't made for this world. Most GREAT things come at a price and are VERY HARD...YES, we all have the "tools" necessary to be EVERYTHING God has called us to be but we make mistakes, we learn from them. One of my FAVORITE memories is when Emma Kate and I were having a rough day and I SCREAMED at her (and honestly, if she wasn't 4 I would TOTALLY say she deserved it ;) Afterwards, I asked for her forgiveness and told her I was so wrong for how I handled the situation...Get this, she said NO she didn't forgive me yet!!! About 30 minutes later she walked up and hugged me and said she was ready to forgive me!!! All on her own :) Do I wish I hadn't yelled at my girl? Heck YES!! Do I LOVE how he Lord spoke to me and showed me how to turn it into a situation she could learn from...YES!! The fact is, Life is HARD!!! While parenting might come "easy" to you others might have days where they wish they were still single :) If someone is opening up about a struggle (or whatever you would call this) about ANYTHING, I don't think that telling them it just is plain not hard helps :) I KNOW your heart and that you only mean to help but I just thought I would share a tiny part of my thoughts on the matter :)

  8. Have you even head of paragraphs? Sorry to come off as rude, and but this was one of the hardest blog posted I've ever read.
    Oh ad do you know what? Parenting is hard. I spent the first year of my son's life in the military, now I am a SAHM, which can be even harder.
    So thank you for making me feel like crap because it is hard.

  9. She never says that it isn't hard or that you shouldn't feel like it's hard to be a mother. She clearly states that IT IS HARD! What she's trying to say is that through the power of Christ it doesn't HAVE to be so hard. Nowhere in here does she say that having children is as easy as pie and that her life is perfect. She blatantly states that it is hard and that if you let it it will make you crazy. Yes, she creates a picturesque sort of life... but not because it actually is perfect... it's because it's her kind of perfect. Be whoever you want to be and do whatever you need to to get through your days as a mother. She's merely offering her opinions... after all this is HER blog.

  10. I read another blog of a lady I know that has 5 kids under the age of 7, and your opening sounded very much like something she wrote not long ago. She said when she goes to the grocery store with all of them she gets a very different response usually based on the age of the person commenting. Younger people say she's crazy and are always asking "you do know what causes that, right" ...but the older ones always smile and say "what a blessing!" It is startling at the shift in attitudes towards children, and I admit, I am definitely a stopping at two kind of person.....well the first one wasn't planned so I guess I can't say that for sure!! :)

    I definitely get this post. I see that you don't mean you are super mom (it clearly states that in the title). And I don't see where you say you are perfect in there. Did I miss it?

  11. Why is everyone getting so defensive? This blog was encouraging to me. It made me realize that I DO have the power of Christ on my side. Like she said, no one is super mom, but we do have super powers. What an amazing way to think of the trials of being a parent. I don't see this post as her claiming she's perfect. I also don't see her being rude or judging. I see it as a very encouraging post that really made me step back and realize that I am the mom to my children. God chose ME because I CAN get through the hard days!

  12. Just wanted to say that I, too, was blessed by the words in this blog post. I did not come away thinking that motherhood will be a piece of cake. I was greatly encouraged to "take every thought captive" in the midst of hard times. Indeed, it is wrong to wish you were anywhere other than the place God intends you to be (we're speaking motherhood in this instance). The Word of God says to cry with those who cry, etc.; not wallow in a pity-party with the negative thoughts of others. She was trying to help you to embrace your calling to be a Mother even in the midst of those crazy days.

  13. Wow, I was so encouraged by this post. It makes me realize just how much our society has down played our roles as mothers. God has been showing me how negative I have been about this calling. I have been trying to change the way I think. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You are so right. What power we can have but only when we draw from Christ. The JOY OF THE LORD truly is our strength!!

  14. This post is meant to be uplifting. If you rely on God, not yourself, you will most certainly be a better mother. The author is not attacking mothers. She is suggesting that we turn to God for strength to deal with all the tough situations we encounter rather than complaining about the children or our husbands to our girlfriends. The attitude we feed will certainly grow. If we are thankful for all that God has given us our children and husband will greatly benefit. Also, we will understand the difficult times are what God uses to help us grow. Our children are watching us all the time. When we model positive character traits, our children will follow our behavior.

  15. Krista, thank you. As a stepmother with no biological children of my own yet, I find that often I am fighting an uphill battle. I have loved her from the first and though I feel that there is quite a bit of maternal instinct that still shines through, almost everything must be a thoughtful choice on my part. It is not a natural process. I know too many people whose stepparents have screwed them up more than any parent could have. I feel like I must earn her love, earn her trust, and earn her respect in a way that her natural parents will never have to. And I am ever fearful of alienating her. My frustrations come out more than I like, especially when I feel like I'm trying so hard. If there was any time that I needed to be reminded that God has given me the tools I need to be successful as a stepmother, it was now. I don't know why, when I can be so quick to remind myself of the promises God has made in other areas of our lives, I don't think of applying it to this area. When I see scriptures saying "blessed be the fruit of thy womb" I can't help but think that she is not the fruit of my womb. "Her children shall rise up and call her blessed" but she is not my child. What if I fail? What if she hates me? What if I DO screw up so badly that it requires years of therapy? But then I read things like this blog, and delve into the promises of our Father. I can claim that whatever I set my hands to, seeking first the kingdom of God, will be prospered and blessed. That even I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. That even though I may not be her mother, she is still my child. That love is patient and kind and long-suffering. Thank you.

  16. Kara, that really made me tear up! Being a step-mother or an adoptive mother is just as important as being a biological mom (if not even more so since there is the extra trust that needs to be earned and extra grace that needs to be shown). The idea that we should rely on "maternal instincts" is a pretty slippery slope in my opinion. The greatest strength we have with our children is our power in Christ! Seriously, you gave me goose bumps! Thank you for a different perspective and a perfect reminder of why it is through CHRIST and not ourselves that we do these things!

  17. "We have convinced ourselves that being a mother is so hard that only the select few "super moms" can actually enjoy being a mother. But we miss the fact that as a Christian we are more than equipped to be a "super mom"."

    SO well said. You had some GREAT thoughts here! Ones I think we all face! I am a mom to six so far (and one in heaven) and I have tough days, more than I care to admit, but even in the tough days, I love my job and am honored to have been chosen to be their mommmy! Keep speaking the truth friend!

    Thanks for linking up in the Koinonia Community! :)

  18. The first half of these comments make me so sad! :( I'm so sorry people could not see your heart on this issue. I'm in complete agreement with the post, though! I know for sure I'm not "Supermom" and really hate how the world pushes its view of such a role. But I also know that I do have super powers when I submit to the Spirit! I pray for the defensive hearts to be softened and for the Spirit to speak to them as He has to me through this. We need more women blogging such encouragement and a lot less complaining! :) We are blessed!


Thank you so much for stopping by and I hope you found encouragement and joy from my posts. I would love to hear what you have to say! It is my responsibility to make sure all of the content is uplifting, respectful, and true. Any comments that are viewed as personal attacks, false accusations, and any use of profanity will not be tolerated. Thank you, and please leave a comment that I will be able to post so others can be encouraged through your words as well!