All I want for Christmas...

Is a kind word from a stranger. I don't think it's too much to ask. In fact, it's the comments of strangers that led to my first post. The attitude that I'm crazy for taking on parenting, for loving it, for feeling blessed to have three children under three. The comments were hurtful enough, but the sheer amount was what really hurts my heart. I never realized how widespread in our society the "parenting is so hard" mindset truly was. Am I saying parenting is a piece of cake? No. But like I stated in that first post, when did we get to the point that we figured only a few "supermoms" can actually enjoy parenting and do it well? When did we forget that God has called us and equipped us to handle every situation we face as mothers? Why are we so quick to complain about parenthood rather than to celebrate it?

When I go out with my children, it is for the most part an enjoyable experience. I mean, we have our days...missed nap times, bad attitudes, not feeling well...but 99% of the time we are laughing, smiling, truly enjoying each other. So to have our nice time together interrupted by strangers who feel the need to comment on "how full" my hands are, how I "need a hobby" (apparently if you have 3 children all you do is, well, you know...), "how crazy" people think I am. Based on the comments I receive it's apparent that people believe my decision to have my children (to have so many, and to have them close together) is selfish, I should be miserable, and I am just setting myself up for failure. And it's not just me. It's a common thing for my friends to be at the receiving end of these comments as well. A woman told me friend, in front of her children, "how sorry" she was that they were all hers (well, she whispered it so I guess she felt  that made it ok.) And do not get me started on comments made about my friends who have adopted or biracial children. All of us have anywhere from 2-4 children. Hardly a large number, in fact a pretty normal number in my opinion. Let's change this. Let's change this parenthood attitude. We obviously cannot change other people's opinions on how our family should look, but we can pass on to others how much we love our families. We can encourage each other, and hopefully one day these discouraging words will be the ones that are few and far between rather than the good ones. When we see a mother in the store with her children, to share an encouraging word with her, rather than to make these comments that imply she should be embarrassed or miserable in her current situation. Obviously, I know these judgemental comments and sideways glances aren't going to go away, but it would be nice if I would get a "You must have so much fun with your children" or "Your family is so blessed" while I'm out with my family more often than getting the negative comments. I don't ever want my children to believe that I feel the same way about them as these strangers. I want them to know that they are not a burden. That I don't just view them as hard work. I want them to know they are loved, cherished, and pretty darn great. It would be nice if they were made to think I'm not the only one who feels this way! How wonderful if my children could grow up in a society that valued them as much as I do.

Despite all of the negativity, I've had those special moments, when people have said something encouraging to me. When my children are screaming in line for candy and I tell them no. To have a fellow mother say, "You're doing a good job." Rather than giving me a pitiful look or telling me to "just give it to them." The time a lady who had 5 children purposefully came across the restaurant to tell me to "Enjoy them because they are such great blessings." Today, to have one of those horrible moments after my 3 and 2 year old held the door open for a lady with a walker. Her daughter (who was a fully grown woman) instead of making a comment about how sweet my children were, looked at my baby in the carrier then at my older two and says, "You finally got your boy. Congratulations on that one." The fact that my older son (who has long hair) was wearing all blue escaped her I guess. But even if Kason were my first boy, why would I be more grateful for him? And why was this the comment she felt was the most important thing to tell me at the time? After that, to be so discouraged yet again, only to have a sweet women tell me a little later on, how "precious my family was, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed I am." That comment turned my yet again defeated attitude into one of hope and joy. Because I do hope that people see the love and happiness I feel for my family. I pray that we will look for opportunities to encourage other mothers, and I pray that we will never be a source of hurt or anger to them. I pray that, one day, a kind word from a stranger will be commonplace rather than the exception. And that is what I want for Christmas.

Gift of Time

Three years ago, my precious niece was diagnosed with ALL (lukemia) right after Christmas. Although we almost lost her several times along the way, she managed to pull through and is now in remission, done with treatment, and trying to start her life as normally as possible for as long as she has. Even though she has a good outcome for now, many we met along the way were not as lucky. If there's one thing we learned, it's that you just make the best with what you have. It's something we should be doing anyway, but when you have a "limit" put on the time you have left it seems a lot easier to truly focus on the important things. No matter how little or how much time we have left, it's never too soon and it's never too late to live a fullfilling life. There's never too little time left to make a difference, to change a life, to live with purpose. And there's no such thing as too much time. Time is the greatest gift we have been given, what are we teaching our children to do with it?

Click here to donate to St. Jude

Thankful for the Hard Things

This Thanksgiving I challenged myself to truly think about what I am thankful for. For 25 days, to journal as many things as I can hoping to reach 250 things on my journey to 1,000, until I reached the point where I was truly thankful in all things. Along the way, I realized how awkward I felt lifting everything up to God, but found such freedom in the worship that came with vocalizing, journaling, and bringing all of my circumstances to the Lord in thanksgiving. I reached a point where giving thanks in even the hard things became more natural, where I learned to give thanks for the most precious gift God had given me but I had never brought before Him. And today, on Thanksgiving Eve, in preparation for my 25th Day, I will thank God for the one of my hardest things: Autism.

The journey through diagnosis and healing has not been an easy one, but who am I to be thankful for only the easy things? Who am I to discount the power, the testimony, the beauty, that comes from the trials? Who am I to tell God that when he created my beautiful baby boy that He made a mistake? In fact, if there's one thing I learned through this journey it's the perfection in His plan, including autism. If ever I was given the choice to change my son into the world's version of "perfect" I would not think twice. I would not think twice because the answer would be, "no." Why would I want to change who my son is? Just because it is difficult? Just because he's not "normal"? Why would I change the perfection that is my autistic son, just because the world does not see him as perfect?

Autism is the reason I love my son.  I do not love him in spite of his autism, I love him because of it. I love his Independence, his "engineer" mind, his quirks. Is it hard when he doesn't make eye contact, when he tries to hurt himself or others, when he didn't speak for the first 18 months of his life? Yes, but every parent deals with difficult behavior, does it mean they love their child any less?  Why would his behavior effect my feelings for him? Why would his autism make me love him any less? In fact, the things I love about him the most, the things that make him unique, are all attributes of his diagnosis. I love how he took my double stroller apart and I couldn't put it back together (what 2 year old knows how to successfully use a screw driver?) I love how he has such a teacher's spirit, spurred on by his therapies. I love everything about this little boy and everything he has brought to my life.
So today, as I thank God for the hard things, I will thank God especially for my son, for autism, for God's perfection brought to us in imperfect packages.

Gracious Thanksgiving

Sunday as we did communion I was amazingly caught up in the moment. I always associate Christ's death with Easter, but remember the joyous resurrection. I don't know if I have ever actually lingered very long on thoughts of Christ's death. I do remember watching the "Passion of the Christ" and while He was hanging on the cross begging Him not to do it, begging Him to show His power, to come off of the cross, to not let the bad guys "win". Obviously, His death was the only way there could be true victory, but as I ate the cracker and drank the juice I was caught up in what His death meant in terms of Thanksgiving. His death is the reason why I can be thankful, the reason there is hope. Because of His grace I can be grateful. So this Thanksgiving, I will add to my list of 1,000 a few things that I have never found myself thanking God for...

I am eternally thankful for Jesus's body being broken for me,

for His humiliation,

for the pain and torment He had to suffer,

for His blood that was spilled with no regret,

for His flesh torn with such hatred from His bones,

for the holes pierced into His body,

for the sheer pain God faced as His beloved son, the flesh of Himself, was killed,

for the heart that had sacrificed to become man,

for the heart that was forced to stop beating all because of me,

for the victory that was won that day,

for the hope His death brings,

for the purpose rather than worthlessness He has given me,

for the joyous resurrection,

for the love He has for me even though it is I who forced Him onto the cross, that it was I who forced Him to die,

for His abundant grace,

for His gracious provision so that I can be gracious to others,

for the gratitude He has brought to my life,

for sacrificial love,

for everyday reminders,

for the God of the Universe to think more of me than He does Himself.

The Journey Continues...

Have you been following along with my 25 Days of Thanksgiving? Where have you gotten on your journey to 1,000? Did you notice, like I did, the amazing (yet strangely difficult) act of worshipping God through giving thanks? I hope you have reached a point where giving thanks has become a natural part of your day, that it no longer takes much thought to remember what God has blessed you with daily, that you are able to give thanks in the good and the bad.

My confession is that I have not been journaling my list daily. It is so important for me to make this a physical act rather than a mental one so I have to focus on it while doing nothing else. Perhaps it's the fact that I got farther than expected so now I have the "freedom" to skip a day here and there and still reach my goal. I feel I need to hold myself accountable to a daily list, to make it about the time spent rather than the numbers reached! Maybe I should set a goal of one million things, so I don't have the excuse to slack on my list!

My encouragement about this journey is that I'm finding it easier than expected to thank God for everything. The recognition that God is in control of every detail, knowing that amazing things come out of hard situations, and feeling grateful for the trials has been an amazing revelation. In fact, this makes me linger on 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." How have I missed the message that it is God's WILL, His calling, for me to be thankful for every thing my life is made of? God has revealed to me that it is His will for me, not because He wants me to tell Him how great He is, but because He wants me to recognize His greatness. He wants me to have the freedom that comes when we are thankful for the bad things rather than overwhelmed and enslaved by them. When we recognize that God has a plan, that we just need to wait out the storm, we can thank Him for whatever it is He is doing. The focus is once again placed on God rather than ourselves. As I linger on my list, on #350 on day 20 of my journey to 1,000 things, seeing the thread of thankfulness God is weaving into my spirit, feeling the freedom of complete trust in Him, I can't wait to see what the day has to bring. I can't wait to add to my list. To make it to 1,000 and beyond.

***When I found this blog post this morning I was so excited! Knowing this was my scheduled post for tomorrow I had to edit it so I could link the post in here. What a great idea of worshipping with song...It especially spoke truth to me since I recently began singing through my gentleness challenge. Take a moment to read this post when you have a chance Living To Please God: Responding to Trials with Worship.***

On My Journey to 1,000

In high school I ran the 400. It is the hardest race physically for most people because it's the longest sprint. You have to give 100% of your energy for an entire 1/4 of a mile. If you slow your pace even the slightest, the odds of winning begin to dwindle. I guess there's something still ingrained in me about that 1/4 mark. I set a goal to finish 250 of my 1,000 things to be thankful for by Thanksgiving. That's a pace of 10 a day, completely do-able! However, when I started, I felt the need to "sprint" through the first 1/4. Of course, once I started getting the idea of reaching the halfway mark and completely smashing my personal goal it was too irresistible. I knew if I made it through the "hardest" part of the race (that first 1/4) that I could do it! Surprisingly, the lessons I learned on the track field, still apply to my everyday challenges.

Daily List of Thanksgiving

It is Day 8 of my 25 days of Thanksgiving and I am on #326 on my journey to 1,000. The funny thing was the first 250 that I thought would be "so easy" really weren't. Not that they weren't easy to recognize. In fact, they were the easiest to notice daily. Our beautiful home, our loving family, getting out of debt, etc. The easiest way to feel blessed is for me to think about the first 250 things. The problem was not in recognizing them or feeling blessed by them. I had a hard time being thankful for them. I know it sounds weird, but just imagine how much stranger it felt! How could I find it hard to be thankful for all of the amazing blessings in my life? I guess it wasn't so much the actual act of thankfullness that was so hard, but I felt pretty silly voicing to God just what I was thankful for. Like I said, weird, I know. It wasn't natural, it didn't come easily, and I felt like it was not doing me any good admitting to God how thankful I am for these obvious blessings in my life. But I did it anyway, and I did it quickly. I figured if I could get these "easy" things out of the way it would get easier to thank God because I wouldn't feel so silly. But it wasn't about what I was thanking God for, it was the actual act of thanking Him that I struggled with. And the amazing thing was, by the time I got to 250 it had become so natural, so easy to thank God for the daily blessings of my life. It no longer felt silly. In fact, the act of thanking God turned into an offering of praise to Him. I'm still thanking God for the "obvious" things (even on #326). The fruits of the Spirit, the promises found in scripture, the aspects of who God is, the physical blessings of my life...there truly is so much to be thankful for. Now that I've sprinted through the first 1/4, I'm excited about this new desire I have to slow down, pace myself, and enjoy the act of thanksgiving. And now, I can continue on my way to reaching my new goal of 500 things by Thanksgiving!

Moments of Inspiration

Inspiring things happen every day. It could be a little thing like your baby's first smile 

or a miraculous thing like my 11 year old niece going for her last chemo treatment after 3 years and many close calls. No matter what it is, it is a reminder that life is worth living and worth living well! We are fearfully, wonderfully, and purposefully made!