There is a curse that comes with motherhood. And, no, I'm not talking about the monthly curse, the stretch mark curse, the flabby belly curse, or the I breastfed 3 babies booby curse. I'm talking about the child-absorption that seems to overtake some mommies from the moment their child is born. Ok, let's be honest it happens to all of us. The first time we see our baby we know (we do not think b/c we actually know hands down) that our child is the absolute most beautiful baby in the world. And we want the world to know that they are the most beautiful baby (and the world had better agree dang it!)
We immediately share weight, height, pictures, etc. Now that kind of child-absorption is pretty acceptable in the parent world. We all get it, and will gladly give you a few months to get over it.
I'm talking about "Toddlers and Tiaras" child-absorption. Don't lie I know you've watched it at least once. We watch with our mouths hanging open at how spoiled rotten these little princesses are and how obsessed with perfection their parents are without any regard to the actual child. Sometimes it's easy to spot, like in those cases. But sometimes it's a little bit harder.
It all stems from our own pride. We are proud of this life we created, this little life represents us and the "better" this little life is the "better parents" we are. Get the picture? We have something to prove to the world about our abilities and the proof is in the pudding (or the child). So, really, what we are suffering from is a huge case of self-absorption but since it's all wrapped up in our children I like to call it child-absorption. It starts with the milestones. What babies smile first, what babies, roll over first, what babies walk first, you know the drill. We put our children in competition with each other from before they even know other people exist. We all want our children to feel accomplished, we want them to feel special, we want them to have a healthy self-esteem. But here's where we need to draw the line.
A)We also need to raise children who are aware of their flaws (no shame in that!). Picture all those poor souls on American Idol who are truly terrible but who truly believe they have the voice of an angel. They could have been spared a lot of heartache and, let's face it, embarrassment if as a child their parents would have said, "You know, you may not have the best singing voice, but you sure do know how to draw an amazing picture."
B)We need to tone it down. What will our poor little beauty queen do when she goes out into the real world and realizes she is not the most beautiful girl in the whole world like she has been raised to believe?
C)We need to raise children who put others before themselves. Teaching your child that they are "better" than everyone else elevates in them a sense of self. And unless you want your child walking all over everyone else in order to get what she wants, you have got to teach her a few things.
It's great to be advanced in certain areas. God has blessed us all with special talents. The thing about it is that your child, although maybe more talented, is not better. Other children are not inferior to your child and that is exactly what you are instilling in your child when you continue to parent through child-absorption. Keeping your child encouraged without giving them an inflated sense of self is for your child's own good. And yours too because, frankly, not only does no one want "that child" to come over for a playdate, but they don't invite "that mom" over for coffee either.
It's not quite a quiver full, but it's a start!
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Truth behind the Calling
What was the first thing that came to mind when you found out you were pregnant? There's so many feelings that come along with being a new mother, but the greatest feeling that you should have is confidence! Why? Because the Creator of Life gave you the responsibility of becoming a giver of life. Pretty amazing right!? A woman's greatest calling is as a life-giver. Immediately we think of life-giving through pregnancy and birth. Our babies are kept alive in our womb by our very own bodies, only we can bring them into this world, and once they are born they are still very dependant on us for survival. But, surprisingly, this call to physical life-giving is not what makes a mother. It's the emotional life-giving and the spiritual life-giving that God has called us to.
I Timothy 2:15 sums up perfectly the calling behind becoming a mother. "Women shall be saved through the bearing of children." Interesting verse isn't it? It's one that repeats itself constantly throughout the daily battle of motherhood. One thing that I noticed very early into motherhood was the personality of God. Let me rephrase, I was forced to understand who God is by actually feeling on some small level what it is like to be Him. In a strange twist I had been given the responsibilities over my children that God Himself has over His creation. And the other strange twist, my children are the spitting image of sin. They are cuter versions of my husband and I on the outside, but let me tell you on the inside they are a deep, dark pit. There is a reason for this that, well, I guess I just never rationalized. They do not know God. We are born sinful creatures, but even beyond that we are born without a godly alternative to that sin. In other words, if you do not show God to your children you will, in every sense of the word, be raising little devils. Now there was no head-spinning, pea soup spitting, craziness. And I was able from day one to begin instilling a sense of "God" into my children, so we have not had to deal with too much of their sin nature. But do you see now why motherhood is so important? Can you see how great of a responsibility we have been given?
The simple act of smiling at a crying baby shows them the "unconditional" love. With my smile I am telling them "Even when you are upset, I still love you and it doesn't change my feelings for you."
By learning their hungar cues and feeding them before they get to the point of starvation, I am teaching my children that someone is there to provide for them and that they do not have to depend on themselves. And by cherishing every late night feeding session no matter how tired I am, I am teaching them that I will always put them first. Whether it's changing a poopy diaper, making them a peanut butter sandwich because they don't like the dinner I've slaved over the past 3 hours, reading them that extra book when all I want to do is soak in a hot bath and go to bed, it all matters!
Every single act I do is teaching my children about God and is in return giving them life!
That's the true calling of motherhood: to show God to our children, to raise them in His will, to bring them spiritual life. As a mother we are granted the greatest gift of all, not only having the opportunity to be God to others, but having God revealed to us on a daily basis through our relationship with our children. In return we will be saved from a life of selfishness, of anger, of godlessness.
I Timothy 2:15 sums up perfectly the calling behind becoming a mother. "Women shall be saved through the bearing of children." Interesting verse isn't it? It's one that repeats itself constantly throughout the daily battle of motherhood. One thing that I noticed very early into motherhood was the personality of God. Let me rephrase, I was forced to understand who God is by actually feeling on some small level what it is like to be Him. In a strange twist I had been given the responsibilities over my children that God Himself has over His creation. And the other strange twist, my children are the spitting image of sin. They are cuter versions of my husband and I on the outside, but let me tell you on the inside they are a deep, dark pit. There is a reason for this that, well, I guess I just never rationalized. They do not know God. We are born sinful creatures, but even beyond that we are born without a godly alternative to that sin. In other words, if you do not show God to your children you will, in every sense of the word, be raising little devils. Now there was no head-spinning, pea soup spitting, craziness. And I was able from day one to begin instilling a sense of "God" into my children, so we have not had to deal with too much of their sin nature. But do you see now why motherhood is so important? Can you see how great of a responsibility we have been given?
The simple act of smiling at a crying baby shows them the "unconditional" love. With my smile I am telling them "Even when you are upset, I still love you and it doesn't change my feelings for you."
By learning their hungar cues and feeding them before they get to the point of starvation, I am teaching my children that someone is there to provide for them and that they do not have to depend on themselves. And by cherishing every late night feeding session no matter how tired I am, I am teaching them that I will always put them first. Whether it's changing a poopy diaper, making them a peanut butter sandwich because they don't like the dinner I've slaved over the past 3 hours, reading them that extra book when all I want to do is soak in a hot bath and go to bed, it all matters!
Every single act I do is teaching my children about God and is in return giving them life!
That's the true calling of motherhood: to show God to our children, to raise them in His will, to bring them spiritual life. As a mother we are granted the greatest gift of all, not only having the opportunity to be God to others, but having God revealed to us on a daily basis through our relationship with our children. In return we will be saved from a life of selfishness, of anger, of godlessness.
I'm not Super Woman...but I do have super powers
With 3 kids ages 3 1/2, 2, and 14 weeks. I constantly get funny looks, sad smiles, and even some nasty comments from people when we go out in public. Unfortunately, I missed the memo that went out sometime in the past few years that said, "You should have no more than 2 1/2 children, and they should be spaced at least five years apart." Well, poo, I guess that would make my life just so much easier if I would have done it that way *insert massive amounts of sarcasm here*. Here's the deal, I absolutely adore my family which includes everything about us. I adore how close my children are in age, I adore how we got pregnant within 2 months of getting married, and I adore the thought of the even crazier looks I know we will get when we have even more children. But people just can't understand that. The problem is, people today (especially other mothers) are stuck in a rut. They are stuck in this "motherhood is soooo hard, it would be so much easier if, I can't wait until we're past this phase" rut and cannot see the beautiful blessing that is in front of them. I thank television for trying to "glamorize" the blown way out of proportion hard times that parents have to face when they have children. Basically, I blame the world for being the world, and Christian mothers for giving into the same mindset as the world.
Am I saying parenting is easy? Absolutely not, but let's be completely honest here...Parenting does not have to be so hard that you wish you were doing something, anything else with your life.
If you find yourself in a constant state of being overwhelmed, wanting to scream at anyone who even looks at you (including that precious little newborn who has done nothing but need nourishment and love), and wishing you were anything but a mother, it is probably time for a wake up call. If you think making it through this "phase" and into the next will make you a good mom you will never be happy with your job as a mother. f you think you would enjoy being a mother if God had granted you "easier" kids (or let's face it, any kids but the ones he actually gave you) you are missing the mark on what being a mother actually means. If you think sitting around with other mothers talking about how being a parent has been the worst thing that could have happened is going to encourage you to be a better mother, well you are very, very mistaken. We have convinced ourselves that being a mother is so hard that only the select few "super moms" can actually enjoy being a mother. But we miss the fact that as a Christian we are more than equipped to be a "super mom".
Let's take a quick peek at some of the comments we as moms say on a very frequent basis. "Being a mom is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me." "If I had had her first I probably wouldn't have had any more kids." "I can't wait until we are out of this phase and they are older." "So-and-so is so lucky. Her kids are just so easy. It would be so much better if my kids were that well-behaved." Do you see what all of these comments have in common? All of these comments are based on the idea that your happiness as a parent is dependant on the circumstances that happen to you throughout the day and that you are not focusing on the call God has placed on your life as a mother. And guess what this train of thought is wrong. As a Christian I am called to follow God's will for my life. If God's will included children, then it is His plan that I raise them in a godly way. Guess what, being a selfish mom is not being a godly mom, being an enviouis mom is not being a godly mom, being a mom who is filled with anger is not being a godly mom. This mind-set, although "understandable" is evidence that you are not living your life as a mom the way that God has purposed for you.
God has provided every Christian with His powers. Do you understand that? Do you truly understand the fact that as a Christian you have the POWER OF THE CREATOR AND KEEPER OF THE UNIVERSE INSIDE OF YOU FOR YOU TO USE? Do you understand that God has not only given you these children, but he has given you everything you need to raise them and raise them the right way? Not if you are constantly on the edge throughout the day just waiting for it to be over. If you feel under-equipped then you need to claim the promises that God has given us. You need to remember what it truly means to be a Christian. You need a serious dose of who you are not through yourself but through Christ. You need to remember that you are filled with the fruits of the Spirit and you need to act out of those fruits. You need to approach every single situation with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
When you have access to those powers you do not have the excuse to feel overwhelmed, to feel guilty, or to feel like a failure. You don't have the excuse because you have the tools. Will you get overwhelmed? Yes. Will you feel guilty? Yes. Will you feel like a failure? Yes. But only in those times that you choose to act outside of the Spirit and continue to walk in your own flesh. When you parent with your flesh, you parent out of selfishness, anger, fear, and helplessness. You will be exhausted with no relief because you will be depending on your own powers rather than allowing God's powers to be used through you.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you parent through the Spirit, you will be acting out of the powers God has equipped you with. You won't feel like locking a screaming child in their room and throwing away the key, but will instead want to grab that mean-spirited child into the biggest bear hug you can manage and not let go until their heart is softened. Your heart will be filled with joy at the most surprising moments. I've found the most surprising time I feel this fruit is at the end of the day gazing across my filthy floors, at an entire counter overflowing with dirty dishes, and the crayon marks and playdough stuck to the wall. I find myself being so full of JOY with my children that I have honestly been moved to tears of happiness looking at this complete mess of a house.You will be acting out of peace rather than insecurity. You will not be fearful of the bills on the table, the sometimes negative bank account, or how your children are ever going to get the things they need let alone want. If you live out of peace, you will have faith in God's direction and God's provision.
If you live out of the Spirit you will have patience. Not just patience with your circumstances, the fruit of the Spirit refers to your patience with people. Imagine the power of that one little fruit as a mother. That can literally change your entire outlook on life! To have such mercy with your children that you don't see the 50million questions a day as an obstacle but as an opportunity, to have such patience that reading that book 5 times instead of one doesn't feel like absolute torture, to have such forgiveness that all of those things your children do throughout the day that feel like a personal attack are completely forgotten. Are you beginning to see why I said parenting just doesn't have to be that hard? And we are not even halfway through the powers that God has provided you!
Imagine if you were living your life out of Kindness and Goodness? Having a tender heart towards your children and acting out of that tender-heartedness. If you were living out of faithfulness? You will never doubt God's purpose for your job as a mother. Can you see the power in being called to be a mother rather than just being a woman who has children?
The last one is like the icing on the cake. This is the one that ties all the other Spirits together and will leave you feeling like you actually are super woman. Self-control. Enough said. Imagine mothering out of a spirit of self-control rather than out of the first reaction that comes into your mind.
Momma, you have the power to be everything you have every wanted to be as a mother, you have the power to do everything you envy in other mothers. You have to embrace it, you have to claim it, but most importantly you have to walk in it! Yes, some days it will be difficult to walk in the Spirit and your children will still act the same tomorrow as they did today (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before). But if you begin mothering through the Spirit you will no longer feel like it is one of the hardest things in your life, instead you will be able to handle every situation that is thrown at you without feeling completely overwhelmed and defeated. If you walk in the Spirit, you will not feel guilty about how you treated your children, how you "felt" about them when they threw their truck at your face, or about how you may have done something that screwed them up so badly they will need many years of therapy to get past it.
You will not think of parenting as "hard", in fact, you will not even think of it as "work". You will begin to think of being a mother for what it truly is, a calling to be extraordinary. And then, one day, you will begin to find that others have started looking at your like you are "super woman" and you will be filled with such purpose that you will share with her how she, just like you did, can grab hold of her very own super powers.
Imagine a world filled with "super mothers"! Imagine a world filled with women who no longer feel overwhelmed be motherhood, but who feel like motherhood is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to them. That's the kind of women I want to surround myself with, that's the kind of world I want my children to grow up in, and that is the kind of world God has purposed for us as mothers. Let's start parenting through God-colored glasses!
Am I saying parenting is easy? Absolutely not, but let's be completely honest here...Parenting does not have to be so hard that you wish you were doing something, anything else with your life.
If you find yourself in a constant state of being overwhelmed, wanting to scream at anyone who even looks at you (including that precious little newborn who has done nothing but need nourishment and love), and wishing you were anything but a mother, it is probably time for a wake up call. If you think making it through this "phase" and into the next will make you a good mom you will never be happy with your job as a mother. f you think you would enjoy being a mother if God had granted you "easier" kids (or let's face it, any kids but the ones he actually gave you) you are missing the mark on what being a mother actually means. If you think sitting around with other mothers talking about how being a parent has been the worst thing that could have happened is going to encourage you to be a better mother, well you are very, very mistaken. We have convinced ourselves that being a mother is so hard that only the select few "super moms" can actually enjoy being a mother. But we miss the fact that as a Christian we are more than equipped to be a "super mom".
Let's take a quick peek at some of the comments we as moms say on a very frequent basis. "Being a mom is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me." "If I had had her first I probably wouldn't have had any more kids." "I can't wait until we are out of this phase and they are older." "So-and-so is so lucky. Her kids are just so easy. It would be so much better if my kids were that well-behaved." Do you see what all of these comments have in common? All of these comments are based on the idea that your happiness as a parent is dependant on the circumstances that happen to you throughout the day and that you are not focusing on the call God has placed on your life as a mother. And guess what this train of thought is wrong. As a Christian I am called to follow God's will for my life. If God's will included children, then it is His plan that I raise them in a godly way. Guess what, being a selfish mom is not being a godly mom, being an enviouis mom is not being a godly mom, being a mom who is filled with anger is not being a godly mom. This mind-set, although "understandable" is evidence that you are not living your life as a mom the way that God has purposed for you.
God has provided every Christian with His powers. Do you understand that? Do you truly understand the fact that as a Christian you have the POWER OF THE CREATOR AND KEEPER OF THE UNIVERSE INSIDE OF YOU FOR YOU TO USE? Do you understand that God has not only given you these children, but he has given you everything you need to raise them and raise them the right way? Not if you are constantly on the edge throughout the day just waiting for it to be over. If you feel under-equipped then you need to claim the promises that God has given us. You need to remember what it truly means to be a Christian. You need a serious dose of who you are not through yourself but through Christ. You need to remember that you are filled with the fruits of the Spirit and you need to act out of those fruits. You need to approach every single situation with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
When you have access to those powers you do not have the excuse to feel overwhelmed, to feel guilty, or to feel like a failure. You don't have the excuse because you have the tools. Will you get overwhelmed? Yes. Will you feel guilty? Yes. Will you feel like a failure? Yes. But only in those times that you choose to act outside of the Spirit and continue to walk in your own flesh. When you parent with your flesh, you parent out of selfishness, anger, fear, and helplessness. You will be exhausted with no relief because you will be depending on your own powers rather than allowing God's powers to be used through you.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you parent through the Spirit, you will be acting out of the powers God has equipped you with. You won't feel like locking a screaming child in their room and throwing away the key, but will instead want to grab that mean-spirited child into the biggest bear hug you can manage and not let go until their heart is softened. Your heart will be filled with joy at the most surprising moments. I've found the most surprising time I feel this fruit is at the end of the day gazing across my filthy floors, at an entire counter overflowing with dirty dishes, and the crayon marks and playdough stuck to the wall. I find myself being so full of JOY with my children that I have honestly been moved to tears of happiness looking at this complete mess of a house.You will be acting out of peace rather than insecurity. You will not be fearful of the bills on the table, the sometimes negative bank account, or how your children are ever going to get the things they need let alone want. If you live out of peace, you will have faith in God's direction and God's provision.
If you live out of the Spirit you will have patience. Not just patience with your circumstances, the fruit of the Spirit refers to your patience with people. Imagine the power of that one little fruit as a mother. That can literally change your entire outlook on life! To have such mercy with your children that you don't see the 50million questions a day as an obstacle but as an opportunity, to have such patience that reading that book 5 times instead of one doesn't feel like absolute torture, to have such forgiveness that all of those things your children do throughout the day that feel like a personal attack are completely forgotten. Are you beginning to see why I said parenting just doesn't have to be that hard? And we are not even halfway through the powers that God has provided you!
Imagine if you were living your life out of Kindness and Goodness? Having a tender heart towards your children and acting out of that tender-heartedness. If you were living out of faithfulness? You will never doubt God's purpose for your job as a mother. Can you see the power in being called to be a mother rather than just being a woman who has children?
The last one is like the icing on the cake. This is the one that ties all the other Spirits together and will leave you feeling like you actually are super woman. Self-control. Enough said. Imagine mothering out of a spirit of self-control rather than out of the first reaction that comes into your mind.
Momma, you have the power to be everything you have every wanted to be as a mother, you have the power to do everything you envy in other mothers. You have to embrace it, you have to claim it, but most importantly you have to walk in it! Yes, some days it will be difficult to walk in the Spirit and your children will still act the same tomorrow as they did today (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before). But if you begin mothering through the Spirit you will no longer feel like it is one of the hardest things in your life, instead you will be able to handle every situation that is thrown at you without feeling completely overwhelmed and defeated. If you walk in the Spirit, you will not feel guilty about how you treated your children, how you "felt" about them when they threw their truck at your face, or about how you may have done something that screwed them up so badly they will need many years of therapy to get past it.
You will not think of parenting as "hard", in fact, you will not even think of it as "work". You will begin to think of being a mother for what it truly is, a calling to be extraordinary. And then, one day, you will begin to find that others have started looking at your like you are "super woman" and you will be filled with such purpose that you will share with her how she, just like you did, can grab hold of her very own super powers.
Imagine a world filled with "super mothers"! Imagine a world filled with women who no longer feel overwhelmed be motherhood, but who feel like motherhood is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to them. That's the kind of women I want to surround myself with, that's the kind of world I want my children to grow up in, and that is the kind of world God has purposed for us as mothers. Let's start parenting through God-colored glasses!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Where it all began
Four years ago I was a new bride to a humble school teacher/baseball coach and trying to settle into "the American dream". Children were a maybe as far as the doctors were concerned, which meant we believed they would probably be non-existent (it's funny how your mind always goes straight to the worst case scenario). We got pregnant within three months of our wedding, shocking everyone including ourselves. After our sweet Maddox was born in April of '08 just a few weeks shy of our first wedding anniversary I settled into the role of "mom". Five months later on a Sunday morning in the bathroom of our church I had a miscarriage. Devestated and believing our successful pregnancy with Maddox was a fluke I tried to get used to the idea of having only one child. God, however, decided one was just not enough and in September of '09 and June of '11 we welcomed Eden and Kason to the mix! Now I'm trying to do absolutely everything I can to fullfill this ministry God has called me to. Some are called to preach, others to teach, and others are called to far off lands. I, however, was called to "simply" be a mommy. I put simply in quotes because there are some days I think it would be much easier to pack my bags and head off to Africa! This is a story of my ministry. Follow my failures, my triumphs, and everything in-between as I sharpen my arrows for the battlefield and try to fill my quiver!
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