Who Am I?

Who am I? This tiny, insignificant piece just trying to find my place in the everlasting puzzle. What can I do? A mother with more education than most, but who specializes in nothing in particular. Where can I go? Tied down by the three little people who require me to meet their every need, tied down by the financial burdens of a single income family, tied down by nothing in particular yet everything all at once. Who am I?

What good is one tiny little piece? Looking at me you don't even know what it is that I am. I have no true form and no true identity. What need is there for such a small piece as I? I am no Mary carrying The One who will bring salvation to the World. I am no Esther becoming Queen to save an entire nation. Angels do not come to me announcing great and miraculous things that I will do. How is it that I will even find my tiny, insignificant place in the endless puzzle of humanity? I wander aimlessly to find my fit. Sometimes I even think I'm there but one little edge is slightly off or my shape is right but my picture is wrong. What good am I, one tiny little piece?

Who would notice if I give up on this journey of finding my place? There are surely other pieces that will fit better than I, surely more talent in those other pieces. What harm would it do to not have me at all? Maybe my piece just doesn't really fit in the puzzle at all. What good does it do for me to waste my time searching, to fail time and again, to never find success? Surely, everyone would be better off if I accept the status of a non-existent, insignificant piece. The corners and edges have all been laid, the picture is almost complete. I have no markings of significance on me, just a blur of useless colors. Who would notice?

The Grand Puzzle Maker had made a mistake. He cut me incorrectly and made me the wrong shape. Or maybe as He painted me He didn't notice the smudge that rendered me useless to the masterpiece He was creating. Maybe it's my own fault, I didn't do something right. Whatever the answer I'm just going to give up the fight.

I fought for too long it's time to admit defeat. Pride cometh before a fall doesn't it? I should quit while I'm already behind. This puzzle is too vast for me to even find my way. The map is too confusing. Outdated or a fairy tale, maybe what they say is true. Why should I keep searching after what may not be the truth?

So many times in my life I have felt like the "insignificant, little piece." The only men and women God will use in mighty ways for His Kingdom are mentioned in Scripture right? Maybe you have struggled for so long you are at the crossroads of choosing to believe in Jesus or choosing to believe there is no Jesus after all. What do you do, where do you turn, how do you know where to go? Have you ever put together a puzzle and at the very end there is a missing piece? Maybe it's not even a part of the main picture, it doesn't really "matter" at all. But it matters to you doesn't it. Because something is missing. Something that was meant to be there by the puzzle maker is not there, so the end result is incomplete. You can see the whole through the missing piece, but it's beauty and splendor is lost. We are all those pieces. Some of us seem to be more important when you judge us on the surface, but we all contribute exactly the same to the end result. We each have a space to fill, but we will wander around uselessly if we refuse to connect to the piece next to us or if we give up looking. The only insignificance in our lives is choosing to take ourselves out of the puzzle.

This Love is so Deep

I find myself drowning, at times overwhelmed with the love of Jesus and just completely drowning in it. His love is so deep, deeper than anything I have ever known. No matter what I have done and what I will do, His arms are always open wide to welcome me in to them. I was separated from Him because of my own will, my own choices, and He chose to restore me unto Him in spite of that. He gave the most beloved of all gifts to rescue me because I was worth it to Him. His love for me was so deep that He reached down into the depths and pulled me out. All I had to do was grab hold of Him. This dance with God, wrestling at times, this beautiful, wonderful, and sometimes frightening journey is the most powerful of all relationships I have ever known. No matter how many times I push Him away, He is always there to bring me back again. In spite of my fears, my failures, my doubts. Even in the times when I can't truly believe He is who He says He is, in the times that I have trouble believing He will do what He says He will do, He still believes in me. And in those times He pulls me out of where I am and draws me back to Him.



You are my Everything.

When I was leading worship for our youth group, this was one of my absolute favorite songs to do. I cannot even say how many times I feel myself singing this out to God. How can we find ourselves in the presence of God and not be moved? He truly is all that we want, all we need, our everything. My hands are lifted up in praise to the God who was, who is, and who is to come! We praise you, Almighty Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, for being absolutely, completely, 100% everything!

When people fail me, He is JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH "the Lord who is present" in Him I am never alone.
When I need Him to fight for me, He is JEHOVAH-NISSI "the Lord is my banner" in Him victory is certain.
When the trials have filled every aspect of my life, He is JEHOVAH-SHALOM "the Lord is peace" in Him there is sanity.
When there are doubts, He is EL-ROI "the strong one who sees" in Him there is comfort.
When I stray, He is JEHOVAH-ROHI "the Lord is my shepherd" in Him there is restoration and a clear path.
When I long to be everything He has called me to be, He is JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM "the Lord my sanctifier" in Him there is purpose and fullfillment.
When life seems too hard to bear, when I wonder who it is I serve, He is EL-ELYON, EL-SHADDAI, EL-OLAM "the most high God, God Almighty, the everlasting God" in Him there is no weakness.

Something Happens to the Old You

When you are a Christian something happens to the old you. It's like someone flips a switch on your life, and you are completely changed. Things that never made sense before finally do, and others can't understand how it is you know the things you do. When you are a Christian the things that you used to take pride in no longer matter, what used to be entertaining does nothing but leave you empty, the things you used to feel seem so shallow and mundane.

When you know Jesus something happens to the old you. It's like your life finally has a purpose, and you can't wait to begin each new day. Things that used to seem unimagineable before begin to happen, and others can't understand the blessings in your life. When you know Jesus the people you used to ignore now take center stage, the fallen world brings your heart pain and you seek to bring redemption, a soul saved brings your spirit joy and you long to celebrate the eternal.

When you change your life something happens to the old you. It's like no one can recognize you anymore, and you can't even recognize yourself. Things that used to define you are changed, and others can't figure out what happened. When you change your life something happens to the people around you, they begin to notice something is different and want to know what it is, you no longer have to tell others about Jesus because they begin to ask you.

When you become the Light of the World something happens to the old you. It's like you are set apart, and others are drawn to you. Things that become a daily part of your life are so different from how everyone else lives, and others want to know how you do it. When you become the Light of the World people are drawn to you like a moth to the flame, the difference you make in another's life is done before you even open your mouth to speak, they no longer see you but see Jesus Himself.

I Enjoy the Night

I enjoy the night...
I enjoy the quiet that comes when the sun goes down, the comfort when surrounded in darkness,
the sound of peacefully sleeping babies and a softly snoring husband.
I enjoy the privacy of being the only one awake, the feeling of being alone without having to be lonely,
the sense of being me and only me.
I enjoy the ability to let my mind wander, the peace of spending time alone in my own head,
the joy of listening to my thoughts uninterrupted.
I enjoy the closeness I can feel to everyone around me, the cloak of invisibility that surrounds me,
the secret way I can sneak from room to room to watch my babies sleep.
I enjoy the way I can forget the pain of the day, the hope of a new morning,
the escape into my dreams.
I enjoy the night, it's my favorite time of day...

Prayer from an aching heart

OH GOD
The emptiness that the world leaves us is sometimes unbearable.
We try to be strong and to make it through intact, but the wounds, the scars, the brokenness that gets left behind is just a constant reminder of how weak we truly are.

God, we want to believe this world will be easy, or at the very least manageable.

We pray that the joy we feel in you would help us overcome all things.

But sometimes it is just too much. Too much loss, too much pain, too much loneliness.

Too much for me to carry, too much for me to understand, too much for me to want to take upon myself.

God, YOU DO IT. Do it all, carry it all, understand it all for me, TAKE IT ALL.

Bind these wounds that they may heal. Remove my scars. Stop the bleeding in my aching heart.

Lord, cover me, heal me, LOVE ME.

Catch my tears in your open hands, stop the shaking in my restless spirit, speak quietly to me. 

Let me feel you, draw close to me as I seek after You, cover me in your strength, complete yourself in my weakness.

Let me be a light shining in the darkness. Let that light burn brighter in the troubled times.

At the end, when looking back on my life, allow me to be able to look back in pride that I was able to handle myself with grace and dignity. God allow me to see only You when I look back on myself.

We praise you for the storm, we love you for the trying times, we seek you in the darkness.

Help us through, WE FOLLOW YOU COME WHAT MAY.

Tis the Night Before Christmas (and I'm a little crazy)

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, seriously, one was moving and it was mama mouse!

The stockings were finally hung by chimney with care

In hopes Santa got his act together and soon would be there!

The children were finally wrestled, threatened and snug in their bed,

While visions of ipods and Xboxes danced in their heads.

Dad was laid up in his recliner taking a long winter’s nap,

And I just sat down facing 20 more presents to wrap.

When out on the porch I heard such a clatter,

My honey didn’t move so I pulled myself up to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the fed ex man announcing my last minute gifts were finally here!

As I gathered my presents together and placed them under the tree,

The reality of my craziness of “to do lists” and “must do’s” hit me.

I faintly heard the playing of Joy to the World the Lord is come,

And quickly remembered the real meaning of Christmas and not what still had to done.

With all my mad dashing around and tying up loose ends,

I was missing celebrating the birth of our Savior with my precious family and friends. 

Our Savior was born on that first joyous Christmas day,

In a humble stable with only a cradle of hay.


It’s not about the decorations or my worrying about needless things,
It’s a wondrous time to celebrate the birth of the King of Kings

So I take my husband ‘s hand and over our children we prayed.

And gave Him thanks for our blessings of freedom, forgiveness and love we enjoy each day.

So as I lay down my head on that beautiful Christmas Eve Night

I rejoice and thank God for the greatest gift of Everlasting Life!

by Traci Lilley
(thank you, sweet friend, for sharing this with us...it is absolutely perfect!)

Heaux, Heaux, Heaux!!!

A little piece of my culture for you (well, my hubby's culture anyway, since I was born in Texas and my family is from Michigan and Oklahoma!) I know it's hard to understand...now you know how I feel at family reunions...but it's too cute for me not to share! And for those not from the bayou, yes, this is really how they talk!

Be on the lookout tomorrow for my favorite 'Twas the night before Christmas. Written by my sweet friend, Traci Lilley!

All I want for Christmas...

Is a kind word from a stranger. I don't think it's too much to ask. In fact, it's the comments of strangers that led to my first post. The attitude that I'm crazy for taking on parenting, for loving it, for feeling blessed to have three children under three. The comments were hurtful enough, but the sheer amount was what really hurts my heart. I never realized how widespread in our society the "parenting is so hard" mindset truly was. Am I saying parenting is a piece of cake? No. But like I stated in that first post, when did we get to the point that we figured only a few "supermoms" can actually enjoy parenting and do it well? When did we forget that God has called us and equipped us to handle every situation we face as mothers? Why are we so quick to complain about parenthood rather than to celebrate it?

When I go out with my children, it is for the most part an enjoyable experience. I mean, we have our days...missed nap times, bad attitudes, not feeling well...but 99% of the time we are laughing, smiling, truly enjoying each other. So to have our nice time together interrupted by strangers who feel the need to comment on "how full" my hands are, how I "need a hobby" (apparently if you have 3 children all you do is, well, you know...), "how crazy" people think I am. Based on the comments I receive it's apparent that people believe my decision to have my children (to have so many, and to have them close together) is selfish, I should be miserable, and I am just setting myself up for failure. And it's not just me. It's a common thing for my friends to be at the receiving end of these comments as well. A woman told me friend, in front of her children, "how sorry" she was that they were all hers (well, she whispered it so I guess she felt  that made it ok.) And do not get me started on comments made about my friends who have adopted or biracial children. All of us have anywhere from 2-4 children. Hardly a large number, in fact a pretty normal number in my opinion. Let's change this. Let's change this parenthood attitude. We obviously cannot change other people's opinions on how our family should look, but we can pass on to others how much we love our families. We can encourage each other, and hopefully one day these discouraging words will be the ones that are few and far between rather than the good ones. When we see a mother in the store with her children, to share an encouraging word with her, rather than to make these comments that imply she should be embarrassed or miserable in her current situation. Obviously, I know these judgemental comments and sideways glances aren't going to go away, but it would be nice if I would get a "You must have so much fun with your children" or "Your family is so blessed" while I'm out with my family more often than getting the negative comments. I don't ever want my children to believe that I feel the same way about them as these strangers. I want them to know that they are not a burden. That I don't just view them as hard work. I want them to know they are loved, cherished, and pretty darn great. It would be nice if they were made to think I'm not the only one who feels this way! How wonderful if my children could grow up in a society that valued them as much as I do.

Despite all of the negativity, I've had those special moments, when people have said something encouraging to me. When my children are screaming in line for candy and I tell them no. To have a fellow mother say, "You're doing a good job." Rather than giving me a pitiful look or telling me to "just give it to them." The time a lady who had 5 children purposefully came across the restaurant to tell me to "Enjoy them because they are such great blessings." Today, to have one of those horrible moments after my 3 and 2 year old held the door open for a lady with a walker. Her daughter (who was a fully grown woman) instead of making a comment about how sweet my children were, looked at my baby in the carrier then at my older two and says, "You finally got your boy. Congratulations on that one." The fact that my older son (who has long hair) was wearing all blue escaped her I guess. But even if Kason were my first boy, why would I be more grateful for him? And why was this the comment she felt was the most important thing to tell me at the time? After that, to be so discouraged yet again, only to have a sweet women tell me a little later on, how "precious my family was, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed I am." That comment turned my yet again defeated attitude into one of hope and joy. Because I do hope that people see the love and happiness I feel for my family. I pray that we will look for opportunities to encourage other mothers, and I pray that we will never be a source of hurt or anger to them. I pray that, one day, a kind word from a stranger will be commonplace rather than the exception. And that is what I want for Christmas.

God's Masterpiece is Mother

God took the fragrance of a flower,
The majesty of a tree,
The gentleness of morning dew,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The beauty of the twilight hour,
The soul of a starry night,
The laughter of a rippling brook,
The grace of a bird in flight.
Then God fashioned from these things
A creation like no other,
And when his masterpiece was through
He called it simply – Mother.

 Herbert Farnham

Whose Powers Do You Put Your Trust In?

This list was sent to my email from one of my Bible Study moms (evidence of why we should be surrounding ourselves with encouraging, godly women!) What a perfect reminder of who we are in Christ and the calling we have as mothers!!! I linked up the verses, so make sure you look them up when you get a chance.

"SUPER" WOMAN

1. Does
2. Tries to impress others
3. Controlled by an agenda
4. Self worth is found is her accomplishments
5. Peace is found in the "perfect" environment
6. Discouraged by failure
7. Expects perfection from herself and others
8. Teaches her kids to be good
9. Frustrated with her lack of Spiritual Fruit
10. Does things with her children
11. Her perspective is based on what is seen
12. She chooses quantity of activities

ABIDING WOMAN

1. IS (Psalm 46:10)
2. PLEASES THE LORD (Eph 5:10, Prov 29:25)
3. CONTROLLED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT (Gal 5:22-26)
4. SELF WORTH IS FOUND IN AN ACCURATE VIEW OF WHO SHE IS IN CHRIST (Eph 2:10)
5. PEACE IS FOUND IN JESUS IN THE MIDST OF ANY STORM (Is 26:3)
6. FAILURE REMINDS HER THAT GOD'S STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS (2 Cor 12:9-10)
7. SHE PRACTICES GRACE WITH HERSELF AND OTHERS (Eph 4:32)
8. SHE TEACHES HER KIDS TO BE GODLY (Prov 22:6)
9. SHE ABIDES IN CHRIST AND BEARS MUCH FRUIT (John 15:5)
10. SHE BUILDS A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER CHILDREN (Deut 6:6-7)
11. HER PERSPECTIVE IS BASED ON WHAT IS UNSEEN (Col 3:2)
12. SHE CHOOSES THE MOST EXCELLENT WAY (I Cor 13)

I think it's pretty obvious hands-down who the true super woman is!!!

“No Time to Play”

My precious boy with the golden hair
Came up one day beside my chair
And fell upon his bended knee
And said, “Oh, Mommy, please play with me!”

I said, “Not now, go on and play;
I’ve got so much to do today.”
He smiled through tears in eyes so blue
When I said, “We’ll play when I get through.”

But the chores lasted all through the day
And I never did find time to play.
When supper was over and dishes done,
I was much too tired for my little son.

I tucked him in and kissed his cheek
And watched my angel fall asleep.
As I tossed and turned upon my bed,
Those words kept ringing in my head,

“Not now, son, go on and play,
I’ve got so much to do today.”
I fell asleep and in a minute’s span,
My little boy is a full-grown man.

No toys are there to clutter the floor;
No dirty fingerprints on the door;
No snacks to fix; no tears to dry;
The rooms just echo my lonely sigh.

And now I’ve got the time to play;
But my precious boy is gone away.
I awoke myself with a pitiful scream
And realized it was just a dream

For across the room in his little bed,
Lay my curly-haired boy, the sleepy-head.
My work will wait ‘til another day
For now I must find some time to play.

Dianna (Mrs. Joe) Neal