This Love is so Deep

I find myself drowning, at times overwhelmed with the love of Jesus and just completely drowning in it. His love is so deep, deeper than anything I have ever known. No matter what I have done and what I will do, His arms are always open wide to welcome me in to them. I was separated from Him because of my own will, my own choices, and He chose to restore me unto Him in spite of that. He gave the most beloved of all gifts to rescue me because I was worth it to Him. His love for me was so deep that He reached down into the depths and pulled me out. All I had to do was grab hold of Him. This dance with God, wrestling at times, this beautiful, wonderful, and sometimes frightening journey is the most powerful of all relationships I have ever known. No matter how many times I push Him away, He is always there to bring me back again. In spite of my fears, my failures, my doubts. Even in the times when I can't truly believe He is who He says He is, in the times that I have trouble believing He will do what He says He will do, He still believes in me. And in those times He pulls me out of where I am and draws me back to Him.



GOOD MORNING!

Sometimes you just need a good wake up call! His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and though the sorrow may last through the night His joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)! This means that every morning is a GOOD morning. Even if we wake up to screaming children, a cat jumping on our face, an empty fridge and an even emptier stomach, a dirty house and no energy to clean it, it is always a good morning!!! I've always heard if you woke up this mornig it means you have a job to do, so I guess that means it's time to get to work!

Look What Mercy's Overcome

I praise God every day for the opportunities I have been given, for the blessings I have received, for the path my life has taken. I praise Him that I have found a passion in my life that many don't, that I have found a love that many seek after and never find, that I have understood the purpose of a life lived for Him. I am endlessly reminded that everything that brings me joy, that brings me love, that brings me purpose, would not exist had it not have been for the resurrection. I could dedicate my life to the Lord, but my dedication would be in vain if it weren't for the saving grace of His victory over death. 

Are you content to be on the outside of God?

Are you content to stand on the outside, watching others as they are bathed in His presence? Are you content to see the joy fill the faces of others, but to never know how that feels? Are you content where you are? Are you content to be a Christian who is "saved", but not set apart? Let us find God, be filled with God, and fervently seek after Him at all times. We are called to a high calling. Are you living up to that call? Are you a light in the darkness? Let us desire to be taken into the Holy of Holies, be cleansed by God, be used by Him.

You are my Everything.

When I was leading worship for our youth group, this was one of my absolute favorite songs to do. I cannot even say how many times I feel myself singing this out to God. How can we find ourselves in the presence of God and not be moved? He truly is all that we want, all we need, our everything. My hands are lifted up in praise to the God who was, who is, and who is to come! We praise you, Almighty Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, for being absolutely, completely, 100% everything!

When people fail me, He is JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH "the Lord who is present" in Him I am never alone.
When I need Him to fight for me, He is JEHOVAH-NISSI "the Lord is my banner" in Him victory is certain.
When the trials have filled every aspect of my life, He is JEHOVAH-SHALOM "the Lord is peace" in Him there is sanity.
When there are doubts, He is EL-ROI "the strong one who sees" in Him there is comfort.
When I stray, He is JEHOVAH-ROHI "the Lord is my shepherd" in Him there is restoration and a clear path.
When I long to be everything He has called me to be, He is JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM "the Lord my sanctifier" in Him there is purpose and fullfillment.
When life seems too hard to bear, when I wonder who it is I serve, He is EL-ELYON, EL-SHADDAI, EL-OLAM "the most high God, God Almighty, the everlasting God" in Him there is no weakness.

A Call to Sing

Continuing on the journey about "me", I want to share one of my greatest passions. One that has nothing to do with the wife and mother in me, and one that has everything to do with the God who lives in me. Worship through music. It can literally change your entire perspective. It can make a sad spirit happy, an overwhelmed heart peaceful, and a hurting body refreshed. As a worship leader, music may be more a part of my life than most, so I'm sorry if some days it seems like I'm just taking the easy way out by posting music. It's just that, for me, music reveals so much of where my heart is at that moment. It's like the saying, "The eyes are the window to your soul," well, music is the window to my soul. I've been singing my entire life and a worship leader since high school. Leading at school, conventions, our church youth group. It was a dream, the opportunities that I had, the travel I got to do, and the people I got to meet. It's been a great aspect of my life, one of the greatest callings. To bring others into the presence of God, to be able to be so transparent, to be a part of such a personal aspect of someone else's relationship with God. To watch the faces as they cry out to God, to see the hands raised higher and higher as they try to get closer and closer to God, to see the tears as people receive forgiveness, peace, and joy that they know they do not deserve. There are times I have to just stop and bask myself in the presence of the Lord. In those times, getting just the tiniest glimpse into what Heaven will be like when all believers gather with the angels around the throne of God and cry out "Holy, Holy, Holy."

The greatest thing about worship is that it has absolutely nothing to do with you because it is 100% about God. Psalm 100 A psalm for giving grateful praise.¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. ² Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. ³ Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. ⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. ⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. No matter what your day has been like, God is still God and He is worthy of our praise. There is never any reason not to worship God. He has granted us everything we have in our lives (James 1:17), He has provided us access to Him (John 3:16, 1 Peter 3:18, Psalm 23:6)

It is about sincerity. If my heart does not desire Him, does not desire to worship Him, does not desire to fellowship with Him, then it's just not going to happen.  Leading on Sundays for me is a reflection of my worship life throughout the week. Worship reflects where our heart is at the moment, there is no hiding our emotions. It is about welcoming the presence of the Lord, wherever you might be. Psalm 42 For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. ¹ As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. ² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? ³ My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” ⁴ These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. ⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God...If you have a minute to read through and reflect on the entire chapter of Psalm 42 please do. Even the spiritual giants in the Bible, like David,  felt and understood those moments when we feel so far from God.

I know it's not technically "leading worship" when it's on a blog, but here is my attempt. Join me in a song as I cry out to God...my heart's cry to Him! God, some times, most times, things are just too hard for us. We praise you and we thank you that You ARE and that You WILL. We ask you, God, to reveal Yourself to us in these moments, to wrap us in Your protection, to cover us in Your peace. What little we have left of our broken lives, we offer it up to You, God, to do with what You will...

I Will Wait On You

Those who know me, know this has been a month of waiting for me. After 30 days of constant pain, bouts of paralysis, extreme headaches, not even being able to get out of bed most days, searching for answers and not getting any, many hospitalizations and doctors appointments. Now here I am on day 9 of waiting for test results, still not being able to use my hands completely, feeling myself on the verge of another flair up of whatever has been going on, I just want to scream. And, in fact, I will scream. I will scream out on the top of my lungs that I will wait on the Lord. Just in case He needs to be reminded that I'm waiting, and that I will continue waiting. That no matter what is going on I will find my hope in Him. If you live near me, don't be alarmed if you hear the echos of this song bouncing off of the trees...

Isaiah 40:28-35

²⁸ Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

To Every Mom Everywhere!

Gift of Music

Today I got to cross something off of my bucket list...singing with a group that I have loved since middle school! OK, so it wasn't on my bucket list because A) I don't have a bucket list and B) I never really would have thought that I was going to sing with a Grammy nominated, 2 time Dove Award winning group. Amy Richardson was just too precious with her cute baby bump and her great sense of humor when she signed my cd (making sure she gave me "proof" that I actually sang with them). I think it was really my dream that came true today rather than hers! They are awesome, they are down to Earth, and they are changing the world with their music. Today I got to be a part of that, and that was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received!

These are a few of my favorite things...MUSIC

O Holy Night

Mary, Did You Know?

I Wonder As I Wander

Results of the Gentleness Challenge

I had challenged myself to 30 days of gentleness about a year ago. I was pregnant with my 3rd child and, as any mom knows, when you're pregnant the crazy just seems to come out! Raging hormones, sickness, pain, lack of sleep. Then I had a 2 and 1 year old to take care of as well. It was tough, but instead of remembering who I am in Christ and calling on those powers I tried to figure it out on my own. The result was frustration, helplessness, and fear that I took out on my children in the form of my voice. When I knew things had to change I struggled with how I was going to do it. Remembering to act out of a spirit of gentleness was the perfect start and was a great reminder of why I was doing what I was doing. This past couple of weeks as my children get older and are trying to be a little more independant (i.e. making their own choices instead of listening to me) I found myself struggling again. Luckily, remembering the spirit of gentleness prevented me from being hurtful to my children with my words, but I needed a little something extra to make it happen on a regular basis.

On Halloween a few friends and I were discussing whether or not Christians should participate in the activities. That's when God revealed to me that it's all about having an alternative! Churches offering a Christian alternative to Halloween is not participating in the pagan holiday it is providing people a chance to enjoy their families in a Christian way and to reach others in the process. Now, this isn't about your convictions about Halloween and I have several friends who refuse to participate. That is fine, I'm just using this example to show you where God led me. Just like Fall Festivals are an alternative to keep people from participating in ungodly activities, I needed an alternative to my behavior. Remembering gentleness was great, but beyond that I needed something to replace my actions, not just my mind-set.

My kids LOVE to sing. We spend a ton of time making up little songs throughout the day just being silly. I use this as an opportunity to teach them little lessons like with my "Obedience" song. It's just silly little words to a tune I made up one day in the car, but it has had a huge impact on my kids. Here's a little snippet, "Obedience, Obedience, that's what God says, Obedience. We listen to our mom and dad because that is Obedience. We're never rude, we eat our food, because that is obedience. We never cry and don't ask why, because that's not obedience..." (I inserted words for things my kids struggle with like when I ask them to do something and they cry and ask why rather than just immediately obeying.) They ask to sing this song all the time, to the point that if I hear it one more time I may pull my hair out, but how sweet that they are enjoying a song with such a sweet purpose. Surprisingly, the fact that they love this song provided me my alternative to yelling! Now, whenever they are being disobedient I immediately start singing our "Obedience Song". It reminds them that they are not being obedient in that moment, and it keeps me from raising my voice, using angry words, or having to repeat myself over and over and over.

Obviously, with your friends and family you can't just start singing the "Obedience Song", they will probably have you committed. But I challenge you to make up songs throughout the day about struggles you have. Sing them to yourself. Instead of counting to 10 when you are upset, sing a little song in your head about keeping a gentle spirit and a tender heart. I've began to use these little songs for everything. To get my kids to happily put their clothes on in the morning we sing our "Get Dressed" song, to pick up toys we sing our "Clean Up" song, etc. It may seem silly, but I'd rather have a day full of silliness than a day full of frustration, hurt, and raised voices. There's just no way to keep a frown on your face if there's a song in your heart!