Letters of Love

I often dream of the conversations I will have with my children when they are older. I long to have them run to me when their little hearts are broken, I pray that my hugs will always be able to heal their pain at least a little, and I try to remember exactly how I felt at whatever age they are. I have decided that I need to begin a journal of these letters for my children. Not for any morbid reason, like failing health, but simply because I worry that in the moment I may forget just how important my first love was, or how I felt when everyone else was shaving their legs and I couldn't, or the pain of betrayal of a friend that I now know really wasn't all that great of a friend in the first place. I always said, "I would never handle it the way my mother did." But daily I am reminded of how natural her reaction was, I know that it was just an "adult mind" that had forgotten exactly what it was like to be young and still tender.

Although I can pray and try my hardest not to react like that, I know that sometimes I will. I want to make sure that if I mess up in the moment that they will still know the message that has been in my heart all of these years. I long for them to know as teenagers and as adults that this is something that has been developing since they were born. That in the very first moment I saw their tiny bodies on the ultrasound screen I loved them, that the very first time I felt their kick I desired to be their mother, that the very first time I held them in my arms I had already vowed to do whatever it takes to protect them. I want them to know just how strong these feelings are. That no friend, no teacher, no pastor, no one else that they may feel is more influential in their life than I am at that moment has never and will never care about them as much as I do. As I begin these letters I am praying over each and every one. I pray that the words will be understood, that even if they don't want to talk to me face-to-face at times that the words on the page will be alive to them. I want them to truly know that I do understand, that I don't take their feelings or circumstances lightly.

I've begun to realize just how important it is to begin planning for their future. Planning for the days when I'm not the most important person in their life, planning for the days when someone else seems so much smarter than just their "old mom who has to say that", planning for the children they will become one day. I must plan a little because when the time comes if I haven't been planning I will miss out on the opportunities. There is a little box I am making that I stole from a friend. She has a beautiful recipe box filled with recipe cards, not of recipes for meals, but recipes for life. In her box are hundreds of Scriptures written out and categorized. Her children know when they are struggling with someting to go to the box and find a Scripture that deals with that issue. Right now is when I must begin planning for this. I must start before life gets in the way and it never gets done, before my children become too "old" for that sort of thing, or before I miss the opportunity altogether.

Since my son was born four years ago, I have had a strong desire to make traditions. Growing up we did not have any, and it is a longing that I have had since day one for my own family. But I've recently come to realize exactly why these traditions are so important to me. If I do not start making traditions now with my family then we will never have traditions. If I don't start doing the things with them that I want to do when they're older then we will never do it. Eventually, these things that I long to do but have not done already will just become awkward. It will never be the perfect moment, my children will never bring it up, or I'll never be "prepared". So, bypassing all of the things that can hinder my relationship from ever forming, from ever growing, from ever blossoming, I will start that relationship now.

I remember when Maddox was only a year old. I would find all of these super fun things to do with him when he was two or three, always so upset that there was nothing to do with him when he was one. I would store it away in my mind to remember for when he was older, but I don't know how many of those things we have actually done because I don't really remember them. Not only was I missing out on the things I could do with him then, but because I didn't properly prepare for the future I missed out on that as well. Granted, remembering a certain game or museum isn't the end of the world. We still did plenty of fun things together, but how many of our days were spent with me wasting time trying to figure out what to do that day? How many future conversations will be missed because I haven't prepared for them and I need time to think of my answers? How many opportunities to share Scripture with my children will be lost because I can't remember exactly where that verse is? These are the two most important things about my relationship with my children, so these are the two things that I am beginning now.

"You're My Best Friend, Mommy"...

...Nothing melts my heart more than when my son grabs my face so that I look him in the eyes when he utters those beautiful words. There is a trend of being your children's "best friend". It is about not disciplining them too much because you don't want to alienate them, about acting like their friend so they will "trust" you, about being the "cool" parents. I grew up around a lot of those parents, and trust me it did not lead to a strong relationship, it led to children being completely in control of every decision. I also grew up around parents (my own) who were convinced that being my "friend" was the opposite of what they should be, and that led to me making no decisions at all. So, here's where I stand, I want my child to tell me "You're my best friend," but I want ours to be a true friendship, not a fake one. I want to discipline my children out of love, not anger, and I think I'm heading in the right direction because many of the times my son grabs my face and tells me that I am his "best friend" is after I have had a good chat about what he is doing wrong. I want my kids to trust me, but not because I have faked them into it. I want them to trust me because from the very beginning I have been honest and open with them and told them they can be honest and open with me. I want to be the "cool" mom, but not because I'm the one providing the beer and buying the skimpy outfits. I want to be the "cool" mom because I teach my kids what being cool really is all about. And, yes, I want to be their "best friend" because there is no one else who will have their best interests at heart or who will desire to see them achieve more than I do. I want to be their biggest encourager, a shoulder to cry on, their greatest confidant.  That is what being a best friend is all about.

We camped out for 24 hours at the
Chick-fil-A grand opening. Every time
we pass it my kids shout, "That's where
we camped for the first time ever!"
They still talk about everything we did
that day, and I will never forget.

I want to be their best friend now because I want them to be my best friend later. They will only be my children for so long, then they will have to be my friends or I won't have them in my life anymore. From the very beginning I have always tried to include my babies in everything. I get a lot of comments like, "They aren't going to remember it anyway," or, "You don't have to do everything with them." No, they may not remember it later, but they remember it now, and they feel it now, and it shapes who and what they are, and it shapes who and what they think I am. No, I don't have to do everything with them, but I want to. I honestly, truly, 100% want to. And my question is, if I don't do it with them now, then when do I do it? When will they be old enough? When will it be ok? When they are teenagers and I'm begging them to talk to me? I want them to talk to me now. When they are moms and dads and I want them to trust my advice? I want them to trust me now. So, yes, I will be their best friend now. And, hopefully, when they grow taller than me, and more successful than me, they will still look me in the eyes and tell me, "You were always my best friend mommy."

What I Want My Kids to Learn from Me...Marriage

There's a reason the words are in this order...
Live, Laugh, Love

Never underestimate how hard marriage is. Yes, there are a lot of good times, but even those only come from the work that you put into the bad times. You know how you feel about your brother and sister some days? You will have those same feelings about your spouse too. They are in your space, they know too much about you, you have to compromise when you don't want to. That's why it is so important for you to learn now how to play with others. Make sure you marry your best friend, and make sure you play together every day. Learn how to be a team, to work together, to laugh at yourself and each other. It makes the hard times easier, and it makes you want to keep trying to get through them. Romance comes and goes, but friendship will last throughout the good times and the bad. It gives you someone to live your life with and to enjoy the little, everyday moments that seem so mundane. If you marry your best friend, you don't need a date night to connect with your spouse. If you marry your best friend, you will reconnect through every situation every single day. If you marry your best friend, life is fun and your family time is a party. Never underestimate the value of marrying your friend!

We sat in the stork, and 9 months later Maddox joined our family...
maybe there's more to the story than meets the eye

Don't try to plan out your lifestory, just live it while it happens. The most enjoyable moments in marriage are the ones that are unexpected. If you are busy trying to live your life by the bullet points you have set, you will miss out on what life really has in store for you. Be flexible, be willing to change your plans at a moments notice, and learn to go with the flow. Remember that you are not perfect, but never stop striving to be your best. The greatest freedom is learning to give up what you want in your life and allowing God to take control. Allow God to take your marriage and turn it into what he has planned. Allow Him to make the big decisions for you, and trust Him with it. He knows you better than you know yourself, and He wants great and wonderful things to come from your life. Don't settle for a marriage that the world sees as great, strive for a marriage that God sees as amazing. If you think God will do wonderful things with you, just imagine what He can do with the partnership you have formed with another person!

Every July 4, we go to a game together.
Marrying a baseball player, I rarely get to enjoy the game WITH him.
It's nice to connect doing something he loves and I love supporting!

Enrich your life together with traditions. There is nothing more important than forming lasting memories together. Make traditions that bring you closer together, give you time to get to know eachother better, and, most importantly, have fun. I hope that as I strive to form traditions with you, that you will enjoy them so much you want to use them with your own family. But never forget to make your own traditions. The traditions I make for us are important to me, so go ahead and make some traditions that are important to you. And if you could pass along my name, so I become the cool great-great grandma B, I'd appreciate it!

There's no better way to see the beauty of God's creation
than to enjoy it with the one He created for you to enjoy it with.

There's not one perfect person for everyone, until you're married. Don't ever settle for less than what you desire, but don't waste your life searching for the "perfect" person. No one is perfect, and even those who you think are, you will soon learn that they are not. When you find someone worthy to spend your life with and make the committment to each other, then that is when God's seal is placed on your life together, this is when they become "The One". When you make the vow to remain with each other for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, so long as you both shall live, mean it. It's not just words, and from that moment on, no matter what, you are meant to be together. Divorce is not an option. The hard times will come, but fight through them as if your life depends on it...because it does. And when you make it through, because if you both fight for it you will make it, you will be better together than you were before. Do not ever doubt the power God has to transform your marriage, I have seen it first hand. Do not ever doubt if this is the person you are meant to be with. There are no "what-ifs" or "if it were so-and-so" there is only now. You made the choice, so stick by it and do not back out, ever.

Nothing will prove how great of a team you really are than
children. Nothing will make you as strong of a couple as dedicating
yourselves to the common goal of raising a family together.

And if you are as lucky as we were, and God blesses you with children, dedicate your life to them. Recognize the fullness children bring to your family, how they bind you together, how they make you an even stronger team than you were before. I never even knew what true love was, until God gave you to us. Children change your entire life. They make the trials worth it, the future seems brighter, and they will reveal the nature of God to you more than you could ever imagine. Marriage is just the beginning, family is what happens when the dreams of marriage come to fruition. It may be hard, and it may not come easily, but it will be the most important thing you will ever do with your life if you chose to give your family over to God and dedicate your life to making that happen. Follow God's will for your family, for your children, and you will have the greatest impact on the world any person could ever have!

Family of Traditions...The Start of our Advent

Traditions are one of the most important gifts we can give to our children. One thing that became important to me when I had kids was making family traditions with them. I don't know why it was important to me, I didn't really grow up in a family with many traditions of our own. In fact, the only tradition we had was going to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas day. I just desperately wanted my children to have full memories of our time together as a family. I want them to tell their children and grand children about us, I want to somehow knit our family into the fabric of our future lineage. I want my children to love the things we did as a family so much that they want to do the same with their own families someday. I selfishly want to be that family member that is talked about for generations. So in an effort to inspire our kids, to teach them that there is so much more to Christmas than just getting gifts, we started our newest tradition, the Advent. Here it is!

Like I said in my recent post, I have been looking into the Advent for a couple of years now. Trying to figure out how I wanted to do it. My hubby and I decided last year we wanted to build a house for the kids when we couldn't really find one we liked. Plus building for us is an act of love. To put the time and energy into making something just for them. I make a homemade birthday cake for them every year, and it's the only tradition I'm adamant about, so I guess making them a homemade Advent house is pretty typical for me. Also typical for me is going a little bit over board! Here's the proof...

Trying to decide what to do for our Advent activities was the hardest part! My problem is seeing all of the wonderful ideas other people do with their families and I want to do it ALL. So I decided that I would do it all...at least a little bit of everything. My heart's desire is for my children to be well-rounded in all areas of their lives and that includes the holidays. I want them to have fun, but to know that the meaning of Christmas is not about what presents they receive but is instead about the ultimate gift. I want them to know that we cannot afford to get them everything they want, but that the amount of money we spend is not a reflection of how blessed you are or how much you are loved. And, finally, I want them to understand that compared to many others just how blessed we really are. That compared to society's standards we may be lacking, but compared to the world's standards our lives are overflowing with great abundance. But I don't want them to learn these things from a lecture, I want them to learn these things through example, through action, through seeing it first-hand. So that's why I decided to combine the 3 ways to reinvent the Advent (the fun of arts and crafts, the art of learning to serve, and learning the true meaning of Christmas) into one. Each day when they open the door they will see a little gift. A tiny ornament for their own little tree. On the door is also a note with something for us to do that day. It will either be a Bible verse to talk about the true meaning of Christmas, a craft for us to do that day, or a way for us to serve others. Just a little something that they can learn from and, most importantly, that we can do together!



The excitement about our Advent is already building! My 3 year old told me that he is going to sit here until his daddy comes home and we can do our house. I am so excited about getting my children excited about anything, but especially about spending some quality time with family. I know that all too soon they will rather spend their time with influences other that us, and when the time comes I want these little things to be ingrained into their hearts and minds. What are some traditons you enjoyed growing up? Even something as simple as my family's movie night. What are some traditions that you are beginning with your own family and hope your children love enough to carry on?

Reinventing the Advent

The only thing I knew of the Advent (from the Latin word meaning "coming") growing up was that you get a little gift each day counting down to the really big gift you get on Christmas. Well, that's all really fun, but I think the last thing we need is another way to focus on what it is we are getting for Christmas. Now, don't get me wrong, my hubby and I just built our kids a wonderful advent house and we will be doing it with the kids every day. They will get a small ornament each day to decorate their tree to help them count down to Christmas. There is nothing wrong with giving gifts on Christmas. In fact giving is a very important thing to teach our children. And getting gifts is fun too. It makes us feel special, it makes us feel loved, it makes us feel appreciated. But what are we doing beyond that? Are we taking advantage of the holidays to make family memories, teach our kids about serving others, and remembering the true meaning of the holidays? Here are some great ideas I've found to incorporate into your holiday season to help focus on something other than just how many gifts we will get. For each of these you can use the traditional advent house or calendar or just make a paper chain with the information written on each link (one of my personal favorites). You can search Pinterest for some really fun and different ideas on how to make your own advent.

The Arts and Crafts Advent. This is a really fun way to make memories together (and is great for finding things to do while your kids are out of school). Pinterest, again, is a perfect resource for activities to do with your kids! Find my follow me on pinterest button on my left sidebar to check out my boards for ideas. Pick a craft to do each day leading up to Christmas. Your kids will love it, and you will enjoy the purposeful time spent together.

The Service Advent. Your kids are never too young to learn to put others before themselves. Whenever I think of families serving together, I picture them lined up in hair nets serving at a food kitchen. A great idea, but there are so many other options. And I'm sure there's some you can find that will be much more appealing to your children. It's not about forcing them to serve, it's about getting them to want to serve others and teaching them how to do it. Have them pick out a few of their own toys, books, or clothing to donate (Hint: make sure it's not just a throw-away they don't want anymore. Ask how they would feel if someone gave it to them.) and have them pick out a few new toys to bring to a children's shelter. Get them involved in canned food drives. Have them save up some change from their allowance or pay them to do little things around the house and have them drop it into the Salvation Army buckets in front of stores or into the offering plate at church. Help your kids make handmade cards and letters to deliver to a local nursing home or the elderly members of your church. Fill a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child. Once you start thinking of ideas, you'll realize just how much there really is you can do. Get your kids' friends involved too so your family can serve side-by-side with another family you have grown close to.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season Advent. We say that Jesus is the reason for the season, but are we really teaching it? Since Christmas is focused on Christ's birth it is an excellent time to teach your kids about things you maybe wouldn't know how to bring up during the year. Make a scripture chain with verses for your children to memorize. Do links with the story of Jesus's birth beginning when the angel told Mary she was pregnant. Put the Roman road on links. Or do a chain that studies the different names of God. There are tons of great ways to do this! This is a post I found a few years ago that has a great advent chain for learning the true meaning of the season through scripture. Or you can make advent ornaments as you study the names of God together like this mom did. And this is a great nativity story chain for your younger children (begins on Dec 11 rather than the first). There's not a lot of detail and it's very simplified so it's perfect for those first few years of teaching.

If you search you can find many, many, many other ideas! Way too many for me to post. Tomorrow is Dec 1! So get your Advent ready and begin a wonderful new tradition of playing, serving, and learning with your family. I, honestly, think the best advent is a combination of all 3 of these. I can't wait to begin this journey with my own family!

This Is What Happens...

He did most of this all on his own!

There's something that happens when you learn to be a "YES" mom. When you quit waiting for later and start to do it now. When you learn the joy of playing with your children. Something happens when you learn to just make a mess, go with the flow, and choose to learn from your children rather than just teach them. Today I was able to expand on my list. Today I realized how much time has gone by, and I praised God for the time I have left for my children (even though I don't even know how long that may be). Today, my son showed me something I never thought he would be able to do at his tender young age of 3. My son surprised me because I gave him the chance. I couldn't wait "until" he got older, but somewhere along the way, he already has. And if I don't take the time to just sit, be still, and savor these moments, they will be gone in the blink of an eye.

Responsible Toddlers

Two words that probably don't go well together are "responsible" and "toddlers" but we have found an easy way to begin instilling in them early the art of giving, working, earning, and saving (and the good things is, it really didn't require any extra work on our part! There were a couple of things that led to our "idea". 1) We drink a lot of canned drinks. We don't have recycle where we live and I hate to throw them away, so we had a huge pile we were planning on bringing to my parents house so they could recycle them there. Rob would smash them up to keep the clutter to a minimum and Maddox loved to "help". 2) My niece was diagnosed with leukemia a few years ago and we started collecting coke tabs for her to take to the hospital. For every little "house" that we filled a child could receive a treatment (St. Jude's does not turn down children just because they cannot afford treatments, and the tabs are one way the hospital can get money to cover these treatments). These two simple steps provided us with the perfect idea!

Maddox and Eden help me collect all of the tabs off of the cans. They know that these tabs help get sick children the treatment they need and is an easy way for them to understand giving. Then, Maddox and Eden work by helping Rob smash up the cans. Rob then takes the kids to a recycle center where the kids sell their cans and learn that their work of smashing the cans has led to their earning of this money (it's been so much more effective than just having me or Rob pay them because they get really excited knowing someone else is paying them for what they did). Finally, we take their earnings home and place it in a glass jar on the counter (right next to the glass jar filled with tabs) where it is saved until they get enough to do something fun with it. Teaching your toddlers (or even older children) about finances doesn't have to be difficult. Find creative ways to teach them the value of working for their money, giving to others, and saving what they earn. If you have any great ways you have taught your children about money feel free to share!

Game Night!

One of my fondest memories of growing up was playing games with my family. We didn't have cable TV or even the Internet until I was a junior in high school (I'm only 26, so we were behind the times), and we had to find some way to occupy ourselves. I cherish these moments I had with my family. The laughter, the conversations, the teamwork, you just don't get that sitting around a television screen. So I will start a game night with my family. We will cherish the time we have when my hubby gets home from work, and we will laugh and learn with and from each other! I'm so ready to put the remote down, this is going to be fun!!!

Family game night for this week will include:
Simon Says
Memory
Making Thanksgiving cards to bring to our family and friends

Raising up prayerful children

One of the first things I noticed after becoming a mommy was I couldn't wait "until". I couldn't wait until Maddox was crawling, walking, talking. I couldn't wait until I could buy him playdough and finger paint. I couldn't wait until he was older and I could "do" things with him. But as he got older, I just kept thinking about what I could do later. I would see cute little projects and think, "Oh, he's not quite old enough for that." I would see books and I would think, "Oh, he just won't understand that." This idea of "he's not ready" spilled into the way I began to raise him spiritually as well. I just didn't think he would be able to understand, or I wasn't comfortable bringing it up, or it was never the right time. Strangely, he was the one who began to push me to make the spiritual aspect of our lives the center.It really started when he was diagnosed with autism. On the way to his first therapy session I felt the need to pray over my precious little boy. I still remember driving down the road pouring my heart out to God while he sat in his little car seat in his own little world. It felt great to share that with him. To let him know that God was in control of this situation even if I believed at the time he didn't have a clue what was going on. I still made a point to include him, and I soon learned he was absorbing every single word.

Soon after Maddox started therapy we had decided to sell our house, move to Houston, and start a whole new chapter. I began to pray with Maddox about these decisions. Honestly, I never imagined he even knew what was going on, but one day we were driving down the road and he saw an ambulance with it's lights on going down the road. He said, "Mommy, we need to pray for those people who are hurt." After I caught my breath I said a quick, easy prayer, "God, be with those people who are hurt and make them better. Amen." Nothing crazy. Nothing long. Just something I thought he could understand. Next, Rob decided to teach Maddox the Lord's Prayer. Since he grew up in the Catholic church he sang (or maybe more like chanted) the prayer to Maddox every night. Soon Maddox started to sing along and now every night my 3 1/2 year old and 2 year old sing their "Our Father" to God. To hear such amazing words flow from their lips is more powerful than I ever imagined. It has led to great discussions with the kids. Maddox will ask, "What does lead us not into temptation mean?" I never would have thought to teach them these words. I would have thought these words were too "big" for my little babies.

The past few months they've begun to ask to pray for specific people and things. A simple, ""Dear God, thank you for Daddy because we love him so much," and even "Dear God, thank you for candy because it is so good." These may seem like simple things to me, but they are learning to bring things to God. They are learning to share with Him. They are building a relationship with God the way it is meant to be, the same as we build a relationship with other people.The moment I realized something big had happened was when their friend had a terrible accident. he fell through a two story window. He had to have surgery to relieve the bleeding in his brain and Maddox, Eden and I prayed that God would make Aidan better. When I got word that Aidan was ok we immediately thanked God for his healing. Maddox (my dear, sweet 3 1/3 year old) looked up at me next and said, "Mommy, now we need to pray for the lady the magician sawed in half." What started as a simple song at bedtime has turned into an active prayer life in the hearts of my children. Children who are not even able to read and write, but who understand to bring their worries and thanks to God. The magician's assistant may not have really been hurt during the "trick", but my son didn't know that. He realized that God heals the hurting and he wanted to pray for someone he felt was hurting.

Training up a child in the way he should go doesn't start when we feel they are old enough to "understand" it is a daily process. Perhaps this is why God instructs us as parents to make talking about God a habit, so we do not get stuck in this "later" rut. Remember the teachings of Deuteronomy 11:16-20
¹⁶ “But be careful. Don’t let your heart be deceived so that you turn away from the Lord and serve and worship other gods. ¹⁷ If you do, the Lord’s anger will burn against you. He will shut up the sky and hold back the rain, and the ground will fail to produce its harvests. Then you will quickly die in that good land the Lord is giving you.
¹⁸ “So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. ¹⁹ Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ²⁰ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
We are promised that if we bring up our children in God's ways they will not depart from it. So why do these teachings seem to take a back shelf until "later"? We should want to get as early a start as possible to ensure these teachings are bound on the hearts of our children!