It's not quite a quiver full, but it's a start!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Who Am I?

Who am I? This tiny, insignificant piece just trying to find my place in the everlasting puzzle. What can I do? A mother with more education than most, but who specializes in nothing in particular. Where can I go? Tied down by the three little people who require me to meet their every need, tied down by the financial burdens of a single income family, tied down by nothing in particular yet everything all at once. Who am I?

What good is one tiny little piece? Looking at me you don't even know what it is that I am. I have no true form and no true identity. What need is there for such a small piece as I? I am no Mary carrying The One who will bring salvation to the World. I am no Esther becoming Queen to save an entire nation. Angels do not come to me announcing great and miraculous things that I will do. How is it that I will even find my tiny, insignificant place in the endless puzzle of humanity? I wander aimlessly to find my fit. Sometimes I even think I'm there but one little edge is slightly off or my shape is right but my picture is wrong. What good am I, one tiny little piece?

Who would notice if I give up on this journey of finding my place? There are surely other pieces that will fit better than I, surely more talent in those other pieces. What harm would it do to not have me at all? Maybe my piece just doesn't really fit in the puzzle at all. What good does it do for me to waste my time searching, to fail time and again, to never find success? Surely, everyone would be better off if I accept the status of a non-existent, insignificant piece. The corners and edges have all been laid, the picture is almost complete. I have no markings of significance on me, just a blur of useless colors. Who would notice?

The Grand Puzzle Maker had made a mistake. He cut me incorrectly and made me the wrong shape. Or maybe as He painted me He didn't notice the smudge that rendered me useless to the masterpiece He was creating. Maybe it's my own fault, I didn't do something right. Whatever the answer I'm just going to give up the fight.

I fought for too long it's time to admit defeat. Pride cometh before a fall doesn't it? I should quit while I'm already behind. This puzzle is too vast for me to even find my way. The map is too confusing. Outdated or a fairy tale, maybe what they say is true. Why should I keep searching after what may not be the truth?

So many times in my life I have felt like the "insignificant, little piece." The only men and women God will use in mighty ways for His Kingdom are mentioned in Scripture right? Maybe you have struggled for so long you are at the crossroads of choosing to believe in Jesus or choosing to believe there is no Jesus after all. What do you do, where do you turn, how do you know where to go? Have you ever put together a puzzle and at the very end there is a missing piece? Maybe it's not even a part of the main picture, it doesn't really "matter" at all. But it matters to you doesn't it. Because something is missing. Something that was meant to be there by the puzzle maker is not there, so the end result is incomplete. You can see the whole through the missing piece, but it's beauty and splendor is lost. We are all those pieces. Some of us seem to be more important when you judge us on the surface, but we all contribute exactly the same to the end result. We each have a space to fill, but we will wander around uselessly if we refuse to connect to the piece next to us or if we give up looking. The only insignificance in our lives is choosing to take ourselves out of the puzzle.

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