"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
Day 5: Avoiding Foolishness
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand." Matthew 7:24-26
Oh the prayer that can bring me to my knees and keep me there. Oh, that my sons will avoid foolishness, that they will run from it with all their might. I pray that my sons will build their lives on the firm foundation of Christ and not the slippery slope of the world. I know the times will come when poor decisions are made, and I will pray that my sons will always listen to the Lord's voice and turn away from those situations. I pray they will rise above their childish ways, their immaturity, and embrace a life beyond all of those things.
I pray that they will never be foolish enough to believe their mistakes, no matter how terrible they may seem, are the end of the world. That they will never believe the lies that their life is meaningless, but will seek always to fulfill their greatest purpose. My deepest heart's cry is that they do not fall prey to the biggest foolishness of all, the belief in the world's view of Christ, of the world's view of Christianity, and that they will instead embrace who God truly is and what He truly calls us to be.
Lord, we pray over our sons decisions. We pray that they will refrain from the foolishness of this world, that they will reject the lies of the devil, and that they will turn towards the wisdom of you. We pray that consequences of foolish actions will not be too much for them to bear, and that we will be able to help guide them through it. Lord, we know that foolishness will come, but we pray that it will come sparingly. We pray wisdom and knowledge and understanding over our sons. Lead them, guide them, direct them, and turn them towards you...
"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind." James 1:6
Day 4: Integrity
"For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints." Proverbs 2:6-8
in·teg·ri·ty [in-teg-ri-tee]
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2. the state of being whole, entire, and undiminished.
3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition.
The most important characteristic our sons can ever have is to be men of integrity. The best thing we can teach them is to be trustworthy, honest, men of faith. Let us pray that by being women of integrity we will raise sons of integrity. Let us pray that we can raise up sons that will be godly husbands, godly fathers, and godly leaders.
Lord, may our sons be men of integrity. May they break the cycles of abuse, mistrust, and harm of past generations and our society. May they become men worthy of leading, men worthy of following. Lead them as they become leaders. Instill in them the characteristics that are important to you. Grant them the qualities that you wish we would have...
"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way."1 Timothy 2:1-2
Day 3: Submission to Authority
"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves." Romans 13:1-2
If there's anything we should also be praying for God to do in us as well as our children it is this. Submitting to authority goes against every fiber of our being, it comes against everything we have been taught by society. We want our sons to grow up and be strong individuals and strong leaders, and it starts with teaching them to learn how to submit. Submitting to authority does not make us weak, it does not make us less successful, less influential, and less great. We need to teach our sons to respect, submit to, and to pray for the leaders in their lives so that they themselves can become great leaders. Let us pray that we ourselves will be submissive to the leaders in our lives so our sons also can learn to submit. Let us pray that even in the moments we doubt that those in authority are making the right decisions that we can trust in God's ultimate plan.
Lord, we pray that our sons will learn and embrace submission as a daily aspect of their lives. May they learn to respect, honor, and pray for the leaders in their lives so that they may one day become great leaders themselves. May they understand true leadership as defined in your word and true submission as commanded by you. Grant us the strength to submit to those in authority even when we question. Give us the ability to recognize your ultimate plan with those you have placed over us. May you place over our sons godly leaders who will make submission an easy, natural aspect to their lives. May we as their parents always be leaders that make it easy to submit to, and may our submission to others set a godly, encouraging example to them...
"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." Colossians 4:2
Day 2: Obedience
"Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy the truth and do not sell it—wisdom, instruction and insight as well. The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him. May your father and mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!" Proverbs 23:22-25
Anyone who has children knows that we are not born obedient creatures. In fact, rebellion and pushing the limits are natural parts of our being. This is what makes our job as a mother such a time consuming and important one. I often hear mothers say that it is not our job to raise obedient children, but I argue that that is exactly what we are to do. We are to raise children who understand the value of obedience, who understand that true freedom only comes by living in the confines of the rules that have been set for us.
True obedience comes when one knows God and seeks after Him. It is only when we become 100% obedient to Him that we will become our best selves, that we will have peace and joy, that we will have fullfilled lives. Let us pray that our sons will understand obedience, and that we can be strong examples of obedience to them. Let us pray that we will require of our children the obedience that God has designated for them, and not simply obedience to our earthly rules and desires.
Lord,we pray for our sons to understand and value the command of obedience.We pray that our lives would be a daily example of obedience to you, and that by our lives our sons will be encouraged. May our sons come to the knowledge that obedience brings freedom and not chains, that it brings power and not oppression, that it brings life and not death. May our sons seek after you and as they grow closer to you will they acknowledge the importance of following your desires for their lives. May they be obedient to that calling. Lord, may we raise sons who are obedient not just to earthly rules and regulations, but who are obedient to the heavenly callings you have placed in their lives...
"What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also." I Corinthians 14:15
Moms, as we join in prayer for our sons I want to open up with a prayer for us as well...Father God, as we begin this journey of praying over our sons help us to remember to do so thoughtfully, specifically, and diligently. Let us not get discouraged by our lack of understanding of how prayer works or why it is important, but let us focus instead on the simple command to just pray. Lord, let us understand that it is not about the words we say, but about the Holy Spirit's leading in us drawing us closer to you. God grant in us the same things we are to pray over our children. Let us be the example set before them in how to live righteously before you. Lord, we ask that even when the answer to our prayers is "no", even when the answer seems to be far from grasp, we ask that we will not be discouraged and that we will continue to seek you in all things. Continue to remind us of your presence, of your purpose, and of your perfect will. Let us make our lives of prayer all about your desires, and never about ours. Amen.
Day 1: Prayers for a Heart Change
"The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" Jeremiah 17:9
This is the perfect beginning. There is nothing we can do to change our sons' hearts, God is the only one who can deal with their innermost beings. Without this heart change everything else would be in vain. Let us pray that their hearts will be softened, that walls will be torn down and unable to be built up, that the truth will permeate every fiber of this desperately wicked vessel. May our sons' hearts continually seek after the heart of the Father. May they be transformed by Him, conformed to Him, and may their desires become His desires.
The best way for me to get into the spirit of prayer is through song. Take the time to worship the Lord through song, invite Him into your schedule, and enter into His presence. Carry this heart of worship into your moments of prayer with the Lord.
Lord, we pray now for the hearts of our sons. We pray life into these hearts of stone and strength into these hearts of flesh. We pray a softening upon them, a tearing down of walls, so that their hearts will be prepared for the coming of your word into their lives. Only you, Lord, know our innermost parts, only you can bring life where there is none, only you can bring change. Bring it, God, bring it to our sons. Bring it to their spirits. Bring it to their minds. Bring it to their lives...
"The fervent prayer of a righteous {mom} avails much." James 5:17
21 Days ago I invited you to join me at the MOB (moms of boys) Society in prayer over our sons. We were to pray fervently, specifically, intentionally, scripturally, and deeply over them.This challenge came at the perfect time for me since I have been feeling led to have a daily, specific, thoughtful prayer life. As in all other areas that God lays on my heart to change about my own life, He is also laying it on the hearts of many others. This is a challenge that mothers and bloggers have been doing for quite a while now and how nice to be able to have a support system of life-minded women. When I'm trying to wade through the murkiness of my life and to break down the protective walls I have spent a lifetime building around my heart it's nice to have other women along for the journey. That's hard stuff to do on your own. We need the accountability, we crave the encouragement, we are social beings who were created to help hold each other up. We were not made to do it alone. So how exciting is it to be able to join with other moms who signed up for this challenge!
I decided at the beginning of the 21 Days of Prayer for our sons that for every one's sake I would just do one big recap, but let me be honest, I'm mostly glad that I didn't decide to do daily posts because most days it would have been missing. I found their site so difficult to follow along with and all but only 5 days I couldn't even find the post about what it was we were praying for that day. I couldn't find it posted on their FB site, I couldn't find it posted on their blog, I just couldn't wade through the many other posts that were made on those days to actually find the prayer challenge posts. It was so frustrating that I decided to not participate in the 21 days. I want to let you know that if you had a hard time following along with them, you definitely were not alone!I am so glad that God does not hold us to a daily timeline, and that it doesn't matter to Him if we start our 21 days today or if we started them a month ago. So praise God for that!
I have since waded through all of the past month's posts on their site to gather the topics (at the very end when I only had 3 topics left to find I found the link to the posts all together in one place, don't you just love how that happens!) and now I can say that I will finally be able to start the 21 days of prayer for my sons!!! I hope that some of you had an easier time following along than I did. I'm very disappointed that I found it so difficult to do so with their site, but Satan does love to mess things up when it comes to the important things. SO better late than never and here are the topics of the 21 Days of Prayer! If you would like to read the posts on each day in detail on the MOB site you can find the 21 Days posts here and use the newer and older arrows to go from day to day.However, I have decided that I will do an "unofficial" 21 Days of Prayer challenge on my own page, so feel free to just follow along with me.
I read the book Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys which was the inspiration for the challenge and I fell in love with it.Praying and praying specifically are not really areas I struggle with if it's for a big thing or for something I'm familiar with. Praying specifically daily for the regular things that I am a little more "clueless" about is a little bit of a struggle, and if there is one thing I am definitely clueless about it is being a boy! Even tomboys are still girls with girl struggles and girl minds. It was great to have a little guidance when it came to praying for my sons and their very specific struggles and needs. Let's face it, there's going to be many thing I don't understand when it comes to my sons, but I can always, always fall on my knees before God and ask for wisdom and guidance. Join me for the next 21 days to get daily topics and Scriptures to pray over your sons.
So without further delay...let's start praying for our sons!
Who am I? This tiny, insignificant piece just trying to find my place in the everlasting puzzle. What can I do? A mother with more education than most, but who specializes in nothing in particular. Where can I go? Tied down by the three little people who require me to meet their every need, tied down by the financial burdens of a single income family, tied down by nothing in particular yet everything all at once. Who am I?
What good is one tiny little piece? Looking at me you don't even know what it is that I am. I have no true form and no true identity. What need is there for such a small piece as I? I am no Mary carrying The One who will bring salvation to the World. I am no Esther becoming Queen to save an entire nation. Angels do not come to me announcing great and miraculous things that I will do. How is it that I will even find my tiny, insignificant place in the endless puzzle of humanity? I wander aimlessly to find my fit. Sometimes I even think I'm there but one little edge is slightly off or my shape is right but my picture is wrong. What good am I, one tiny little piece?
Who would notice if I give up on this journey of finding my place? There are surely other pieces that will fit better than I, surely more talent in those other pieces. What harm would it do to not have me at all? Maybe my piece just doesn't really fit in the puzzle at all. What good does it do for me to waste my time searching, to fail time and again, to never find success? Surely, everyone would be better off if I accept the status of a non-existent, insignificant piece. The corners and edges have all been laid, the picture is almost complete. I have no markings of significance on me, just a blur of useless colors. Who would notice?
The Grand Puzzle Maker had made a mistake. He cut me incorrectly and made me the wrong shape. Or maybe as He painted me He didn't notice the smudge that rendered me useless to the masterpiece He was creating. Maybe it's my own fault, I didn't do something right. Whatever the answer I'm just going to give up the fight.
I fought for too long it's time to admit defeat. Pride cometh before a fall doesn't it? I should quit while I'm already behind. This puzzle is too vast for me to even find my way. The map is too confusing. Outdated or a fairy tale, maybe what they say is true. Why should I keep searching after what may not be the truth?
So many times in my life I have felt like the "insignificant, little piece." The only men and women God will use in mighty ways for His Kingdom are mentioned in Scripture right? Maybe you have struggled for so long you are at the crossroads of choosing to believe in Jesus or choosing to believe there is no Jesus after all. What do you do, where do you turn, how do you know where to go? Have you ever put together a puzzle and at the very end there is a missing piece? Maybe it's not even a part of the main picture, it doesn't really "matter" at all. But it matters to you doesn't it. Because something is missing. Something that was meant to be there by the puzzle maker is not there, so the end result is incomplete. You can see the whole through the missing piece, but it's beauty and splendor is lost. We are all those pieces. Some of us seem to be more important when you judge us on the surface, but we all contribute exactly the same to the end result. We each have a space to fill, but we will wander around uselessly if we refuse to connect to the piece next to us or if we give up looking. The only insignificance in our lives is choosing to take ourselves out of the puzzle.
Our first son was born in April with summer right around the corner. I was excited that I would soon have extra minute-by-minute help with my son. However, I soon began to joke that I was a "single mom". Married to a baseball coach at the most prestigious high school in our area was a big responsibility. Since he was a teacher as well he left at 6:30 every morning to get to work on time. School was over by 3, but then he had practice or, even worse, a game or two. There were many, many weeks that I wouldn't see him for days at a time. He left before I got up in the morning and got home after I had fallen asleep. I began spending a lot of time at the ball field just to see him through the fence or across the field. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
The truth is though, I was not a single mom. As much as I felt "alone" there were so many aspects I did not have to deal with. My hubby was bringing in an income, I could call him on the phone, and because of the amazing man he is he actually sacrificed his time and would take off of work if I was having a particularly hard day and felt I couldn't deal anymore. No matter how late he got home or how early he left, there was still a body in the bed next to me every night. I didn't have to worry about who would teach our son about the "boy" things, I didn't have to work multiple jobs to stay afloat, I didn't have to do so many things that single mothers have to do. And, thankfully for all of us, there was a break in between baseball seasons that I got to spend more time with him than most women ever get to spend with their hubbies.
There are 15 million single parents in America. Every night one-thousand teenagers became single moms. 50% of babies today are born to single mothers, and we all know the devastating statistics of how many marriages are destroyed by divorce and how many children are left with single parents because of this. What is happening to the over 22 million children in these circumstances?
Single mothers do deserve credit for the amount of work they have to devote to their families. Most of them work several jobs to provide for their children, as well as playing the role of both mother and father. It is an unimaginable task, and there is certainly a reason why it is not the way the family was designed to be. There are many wonderful single mothers who do everything they can to make sure their children are protected, provided for, and loved. But there is just no denying the statistics that come from a society in which single parenting has become the norm.
The most staggering statistic to me is the way these children are being forced into a life with a single parent. Of all single mothers in America 41.3% gave birth out of wedlock. Almost half of single mothers made a choice to keep their child in a single parent family. Given the statistics regarding what happens to children of single parent homes the fact that it is a decision many women chose literally breaks my heart. Yes, I understand the bond between a mother and a child. Yes, I understand the blessing of children. Yes, I know there are many single women who do raise godly, respectful children, but take a moment to put those emotions aside and take a look at the facts instead.
Almost 80% of the prison population was raised by a single mother. The strongest indicator of if a person will end up in prison or not is if they were raised by a single mother. 72% of juvenile murderers and 60% of rapists come from single mother homes. Around 70% of all teenage births, dropouts, suicides, juvenile delinquents, and child murderers are products of single mother homes. I almost don't want to continue with such heart breaking statistics. 90% of homeless and runaway children, many of whom I have worked with and heard their heartbreaking stories. Throw in here the statistics about victims of human trafficking and you can also see where children of single mothers take up a vast majority there as well. 71% of adolescent chemical and substance abusers are products of single mother homes. They are more likely to be victims of sexual, physical and mental abuse and neglect, have poorer physical and mental health and academic performance.
Take away the factor of a single mother and the lines of race completely disappear when it comes to the statistics of crime. The link in roughly SEVENTY PERCENT of our most disturbing social issues is a child being raised by a single mother. In 2003 there were 1.5 million babies born into single mother situation. Less than 1% were put up for adoption. "What is the problem with that?" you may ask. "No one can care for a child like their mother can," we have been taught. Well, the less than 1% of babies who were put up for adoption rather than raised by single mothers do not fit into the statistics stated above. These children fare far better than the children who are raised in single mother homes. Obviously, this is a choice only the mother can make, but I have met many young mothers who felt pressured by society or their families to keep their children for the simple fact that it was "their" child. Despite an actual desire for that child, despite an actual way to provide for that child, despite any support in any way. The only "support" they got was the advice to keep their child.
These statistics do not point to the single mother individually or to her actions as a mother. They simply point to the circumstances of growing up with a single mother. This is not meant to condemn any mother who is raising her children by herself, but these are the facts. This is the truth about what happens to children raised in single mother homes. It represents a depressing, horrifying trend for the young people of our country. Could you imagine if someone told you there was a way to lower crime and suicide rates by 70%? That there was a way to create healthier people and a more successful society?
Now how does it make you feel to know that less than 1% of churches have a sustainable ministry for single mothers? This is absolutely the saddest statistic of this entire situation. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" James 1:27. Now I'm going to take some freedom with the translation of this verse taking into account the culture of Jesus' day and the assumption that there were very few children born out of wedlock due to social customs and also the assumption that a single mother would be discouraged from keeping a child causing that child to become one of these said orphans. Based on these assumptions in my personal translation of this verse it would say, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans and single moms and their children."
So why is it that such a minuscule, I would argue even non-existent, number of churches are even following this Biblical mandate? We as the church should be stepping in to abolish theses statistics, to fill in the gaps that these single mothers are trying desperately to fill. Taking into account the fact that the divorce rate in churches is equal to that outside of the church and also taking into account that there is a number of teenage pregnancies also happening inside of the church we are alienating a large number of our own members. You can find these statistics everywhere you turn, but to find hope and to find a way to step in and help fill the gap check out The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. If you are a single mom, know that despite these gut-wrenching statistics there is always hope, that the Heavenly Father is more than adequate enough for you and for your children. But also know that you don't have to do it alone. I pray that God will place in your path godly men and women who will do whatever it takes to help you in whatever ways you need them to. I pray that we can end this culture of brokenness.
I cannot express the sheer priviledge it is to be able to walk through life with such a strong group of women around me. The ways that they contribute to my life are beyond words. Well, technically it's not truly beyond words since with every post I am sharing a bit of wisdom that has been imparted to me at some point, but to be able to explain to the full extent how these women have changed my life and how they push me forward just can't be done. I have recently had the pleasure of meeting a woman who has a true gift for Scripture. She knows the perfect reference for anything you are searching for. I just love her for that. She has challenged me so much to study scripture and to pass it on to my children. She may think it's not a true "gift", but it has truly touched and changed me. This morning once again she used scriptures to change my mindset, to refocus my attention, and to begin my own personal journey of searching the Scriptures when it comes to the tongue.
"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3
I have shared openly of my struggle with my own tongue. I have challenged others, like I have challenged myself, to gentleness. I strive to remember that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1). How often do we allow ourselves to give in when our flesh is bowed up with pride, when our face is red with anger, when we feel that we just have to defend ourselves against something?We so easily give in to the harsh words that are seering into our tongue completely forgetting that we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
The tongue is like a match. Once lit it has the ability to completely destroy its surroundings (James 3:5), but it also has the ability to bring light. It is up to us what we do with our words becausewith our words we can bring life or we can bring death (Prov. 18:21). God created the world with His words while Satan used his words to tear it down (Gen 1-4). Whose example are we following?
Every relationship is built with words and the power of our words should never be underestimated. With our words relationships grow and flourish or with our words relationships can end. The greatest of our relationships we have here on Earth is that with our family. We should be guarding this relationship with everything we have to ensure this bond remains strong and united, but so often it is with those we should be guarding the closest that we feel the urge to let our tongue go.
I am the victim of amygdala hijack. As I shared in my gentleness challenge, I feel as if I turn into the beast from "Beauty and the Beast" almost like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. How funny then that science would actually explain these feelings of anger that rise up in me almost without warning? The amygdala is the emotional center of our brain. When we are faced with a "fight or flight" situation (any situation that our brain perceives as a threat), the brain literally bypasses the cortex or the "thinking" center and goes directly to the amygdala.The hormones and adrenaline then coursing through your body make thinking of a solution impossible. Logical thinking and judgement are thrown completely out of the window.
Now that we are all coming to the realization that we all are victims of this dreadful Mr. Hyde take-over, now we can truly examine why God instructed us to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. Wouldn't it stand to reason that the Creator of the human body would understand the way that our brain is wired? Would you believe that all it takes for you to overcome amygdala is for you to literally, be slow to speak and slow to become angry? All it takes to overcome amygdala hijack is to take a deep breath and allow your brain a few seconds to send the information back to the cortex for you to actually rationalize the situation.
I love when science and Scripture align (which they do quite often if you pay attention). So the next time someone pushes our buttons or we are faced with a particularly stressful situation how are we going to choose to handle it? When someone lights a match with their words are we going to use our words to pour gasoline on the fire, or are we going to choose to snuff it out? We can stir up even more anger with our reaction or we can force that anger away.
"And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself" James 3:6. As my wise friend shared this morning, we need to be having fire drills with our family. We need to prepare ourselves and our children for how we are going to react when there is a fire in our house. It is not a matter of "if" these fires are going to come, but of "when". In fact, I foresee a lot of fires raging in my household as my children grow, become opinionated, and their hormones take over. I think we will all be wise to learn, and to teach our children, "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent." Proverbs 17:28.
I find myself drowning, at times overwhelmed with the love of Jesus and just completely drowning in it. His love is so deep, deeper than anything I have ever known. No matter what I have done and what I will do, His arms are always open wide to welcome me in to them. I was separated from Him because of my own will, my own choices, and He chose to restore me unto Him in spite of that. He gave the most beloved of all gifts to rescue me because I was worth it to Him. His love for me was so deep that He reached down into the depths and pulled me out. All I had to do was grab hold of Him. This dance with God, wrestling at times, this beautiful, wonderful, and sometimes frightening journey is the most powerful of all relationships I have ever known. No matter how many times I push Him away, He is always there to bring me back again. In spite of my fears, my failures, my doubts. Even in the times when I can't truly believe He is who He says He is, in the times that I have trouble believing He will do what He says He will do, He still believes in me. And in those times He pulls me out of where I am and draws me back to Him.
Sometimes you just need a good wake up call! His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and though the sorrow may last through the night His joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)! This means that every morning is a GOOD morning. Even if we wake up to screaming children, a cat jumping on our face, an empty fridge and an even emptier stomach, a dirty house and no energy to clean it, it is always a good morning!!! I've always heard if you woke up this mornig it means you have a job to do, so I guess that means it's time to get to work!
"Rise during the night and cry out. Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord. Lift up your hands to him in prayer, pleading for your children..." Lamentations 2:19
Apparently mommies just don't understand the art of war
The first thing I remember thinking when I found out my first child was a boy was, "What a responsibility to raise up a man."The idea of raising my sons up to be godly men, to be leaders of their homes and businesses, to be world changers is an amazing responsibility. Especially in a society where men seem to be setting aside their responsibilities and where women are making men feel less "important" in their roles this is a particularly daunting task. Where do we begin? I don't know about you, but even though I was a total tomboy growing up I still don't "get" boys. Our brains are just so different! In fact, just the other day my 4-year-old son caught me throwing away an army man that had been broken in half and said, "Don't throw away my half-a-man! How can I play soldiers without my half-a-man?" Well, I'm very sorry! I'm a girl and I thought it was entirely possible to play soldiers without a half-a-man. The idea that you would need actual casualties in the form of broken army men never crossed my mind. See what I mean, so different.
There are some things my hubby does way better than I do,
that doesn't mean I don't have to deal with "boy" things too
It helps so much to have a wonderful male influence in my husband, and sometimes it is so easy to just turn over everything "man" to him, but having a strong male influence in his life does not let me off the hook in my responsibilities. It started with changing his diapers as a baby. I was so afraid I would hurt his little "man parts" or that I was doing something wrong, and when it came time to potty train whoa, baby! I have no idea what to do with that thing! It was so easy to say, "You do it, you're a boy, y'all have the same parts." Anyone? Maybe it's just me. Anyway, I soon realized that my hubby was not going to be around all the time and I had to learn what I needed to do. The same comes with raising them up. My hubby is a great help and a wonderful resource, but I have to be a mom to my son and sometimes that means I have to deal with boy things.
These boys have a lot of living left to do
The most important thing I can do for my boys is turn them over to the hands of the Heavenly Father. He is the ultimate help when it comes to how our boys should be raised. He created us male and female; with different personalities, character traits, and responsibilities. He can help us to understand our boys hearts, their interests, their struggles, and their differences. Starting May 1 I will be joining up with over 800 moms of boys at the MOB Society to pray for our sons for the next 21 days. Grab your copy of Warrior Prayers (for only $3.99!) and join the moms over at MOB for 21 Days of Prayer for Sons! Even if you don't want to join in the challenge I highly recommend the book to any mom who is interested in learning how to pray specifically for her sons!
We need to pray fervently, specifically, intentionally, scripturally, and deeply for our sons. We need to pray because we can't do it all, we don't know all the answers, we are not in control.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
As mothers there is one thing that seems to grip us from the moment we find out we are pregnant. It is there through our pregnancy, it is in the first moment we hold that baby in our arms, it is in the first moment our baby tries to do something on their own. It is not pride or joy, it is fear. It grips us so tightly that sometimes we can't even breathe. It holds us captive to everything it is that we want to do, to everything we wish we could do.
We've all had that gripping moment of panic. Our child disappears for a millisecond on the playground, our husband isn't answering his phone and he was supposed to be home thirty minutes ago, we're about to be apart from our baby for the first time. The world starts spinning, voices just mumble together, a step-by-step worst case scenario plays through our minds in alarming detail. Our child has been kidnapped and we will never see them again, our husband has been in a terrible accident and now we will be left to live our lives alone, something awful will happen to our baby while we are gone and there is nothing we can do about it. The fear grabs a hold of us and it seems almost impossible to escape it. It is irrational, it is unstoppable, it is torturous.
Well, I will ask a question that was posed to me today: What is your biggest fear? Mine is that something will happen to my husband, to my children, that I will lose my family. So what if that happens? I will be devastated. Then what? I will probably not be able to breathe, not be able to stop crying, not be able to even get out of bed. Then what? I will miss them every single second of every single day. I will be useless. I will have no purpose. I don't know how I would be able to go on living. Then what? I'll probably lose all of my friends because I won't even want to talk to anyone. I'll push away my extended family. Then what? Well, I guess I couldn't continue that forever. So, eventually, no matter how long it takes, I will have to pick myself up, figure out what it is I need to do now, and keep going. What eternal result does this worst case scenario have on your life? None, in the end God is still God, life still happens, and I am not the one in control.
Yes, fear is a tormentor, a ruiner of lives. I would even argue that fear is even more powerful than the actual thing we are fearing. I've heard that fear is the guard that keeps watch over our idols. How in your face is that? In those times I fear harm coming to my children it is because I am placing my feelings for them above God. I am forgetting that they are God's children, that He holds them in the palm of His hand, the He has the ultimate good in mind. Whenever I see fear in my life, it is a red flag that I need to cast it out and examine what idol it is guarding. I need to make sure I am keeping the proper perspective, the proper priorities. Fear is not a sign of love, a sign of caring. Fear cannot be equated with those things or we will destroy the very relationship we are trying to protect.
Psalm 91: Security of the One Who Trusts in the LORD.
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!” 3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day; 6 Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. 7 A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand, Butit shall not approach you. 8 You will only look on with your eyes
And see the recompense of the wicked. 9For you have made the LORD, my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place. 10No evil will befall you,
Nor will any plague come near your tent.
11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways. 12 They will bear you up in their hands,
That you do not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread upon the lion and cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you will trample down.
14 “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. 15 “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him. 16 “With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation.”
I praise God every day for the opportunities I have been given, for the blessings I have received, for the path my life has taken. I praise Him that I have found a passion in my life that many don't, that I have found a love that many seek after and never find, that I have understood the purpose of a life lived for Him. I am endlessly reminded that everything that brings me joy, that brings me love, that brings me purpose, would not exist had it not have been for the resurrection. I could dedicate my life to the Lord, but my dedication would be in vain if it weren't for the saving grace of His victory over death.
When I began having major health issues in November, when I was scared and couldn't seem to find any answers, Heather was there for me. Although since then my health has gotten drastically worse, then better, then worse, then better, and we still don't have any answers, I can still look at it and see the good that is coming out of it. My relationship with Heather is one of those things. Those who know me know that we have been working on multiple garage sales for a local family these past few weeks, you have seen my Facebook posts about our attempts to raise funding for a family seeking adoption, you have had to endure the endless questions of "Does anyone have anything to give?" Well, this is why.
UPDATE: The Thursday after this was posted (on Heather's birthday to be exact!) Heather and Juan got a call about a newborn who needed to be placed in a foster home with a possible need for adoption. Please continue to pray for them through this and praise God for bringing this precious baby into their lives even if God decides they are not to be her forever home.
These girls represent the true life stories of the victims of Human Trafficking.
These are not statistics, not numbers, these are real women and children.
I may not be able to save the 27 million in slavery around the world,
but I can still make a difference. I can still save some.
I keep hearing how hard it is to truly believe human trafficking is happening here in the United States. I don't blame anyone. The statistics are mind-blowing, the information is so hard to even comprehend at times. We are taught to believe that there is good in everyone, we are not prepared to come across the true evil of this world, to see it for what it really is. Had I not met victims face-to-face and heard their stories, I don't know if I would be able to see the truth beyond the statistics either. The truth is that these are real people, with real faces, and real names. Each has a very real story and for each one that is saved there are thousands more that will never be rescued.
If you have trouble putting faces to the names, the next time you have 30 minutes to spare watch the video from the Passion 2012 conference to hear three victims sharing their own stories in their own words.
Because they are all foreign victims I feel like it is important to also share the story of a victim from right here in the U.S. Here is the true story of Ave [not her real name]. Ave lived with an abusive father who sexually molested and physically abused her. When she was nine years old, her father dropped her off for a visit with a relative and never came back. For two years she lived with various relatives, mostly an aunt, in New York City. She did not attend school and was physically abused by her aunt and her aunt's boyfriend. She ended up staying at a street children's shelter at the age of 11. Outside the shelter, she met a man who said he would take care of her. He became her trafficker for prostitution. He brought her to Miami where she was arrested. Back in New York City she was arrested again and charged with prostitution when she was 12 years old. The prosecutors in New York City wanted to send her to a juvenile detention center where she would be imprisoned for her crime. Her defense attorney sought placement for her where she could get the care and counseling she needed to recover from the violence and abuse she had endured. Such places are rare in the United States, so she ended up in a residential center for emotionally disturbed youth. Lucky for Ave, she also received counseling from one of the few specialized organizations that work with sexually exploited children.
Former Congress Woman Linda Smith, founder of
Shared Hope International, speaking at the Faces of Hope Gala
Commending Louisiana's HB 49.
So what is being done to help these victims? Not only is awareness being raised among churches, but it's being made among the officials. Former Congress Woman Linda Smith did an evaluation of Louisiana laws based on the laws in other states and their impacts on the human trafficking industry. In most cases the laws protect the criminals and punish the victims when it comes to cases of human trafficking, and there is no help available to victims especially once they reach a certain age. Recently a Bill has been passed to committee changing these laws. HB 49 is a vital step when it comes to legally protecting victims and prosecuting the pimps and handlers.
As was mentioned in the story of Ave, housing for the victims of human trafficking is very rare, and there is none available in the south. These victims require extensive medical care and high levels of protection. It is just not a possibility to set these women up in hotels or apartments once they are rescued. Thanks to Trafficking Hope this will hopefully be made a reality for us very, very soon. In fact, the mission of the gala last night was to raise funding for the home that is trying to be opened for these victims. Changing the laws and providing shelter for the victims who are rescued are the two major things that need to be done in order to deal with the existing issues of human trafficking, and both of those things are being done!
We can take the world back from human trafficking
on city at a time...
I'm here to take my city back!
There is no doubt that things are getting done, but it is still the beginning. We have got to continue to follow through with all of this, not to become weary of doing good. We have got to tackle this issue from all sides, and to always stay on our toes. The #1 thing we need to continue to do is to raise up men who respect women, and women who respect themselves. If we can do that, we can choke out the human trafficking industry from the outside in. If we cut off the demand there will be no need for the supply, if we cut off the supply they will have to go elsewhere for the demand. There are many different aspects to the human trafficking industry, but the main thing to remember is that it is a business. And we are here to drive them out of that business.
We are financial wizards. Anyone who throws out the argument that stay at home moms do it out of an abundance of financial blessing has probably A) never met a stay at home mom beyond the streets of Manhattan and B) has never tried to raise a family on one income, no matter how "generous" that income may appear. Despite the fact that my father's income is easily 5x that of my husband's I watched as my mom clipped coupons, as they took simpler vacations, as they lived in a nice yet modest home. They may not have to make the "drastic" sacrifices my husband and I have to make, but I certainly do not underestimate the cost of these sacrifices to them. Stay at home moms are savvy, smart business women who manage their homes more efficiently than most larger companies and *cough* the government have been able to do.
We buy used, we swap with other moms, we grow our own food, we sew our own clothes, we school our own children, we decorate our own homes, we plan our own parties, we make all our own meals, the list goes on and on. Now I am well aware that not every single stay at home mom does every single one of these things. But in the areas we don't do it ourselves we still find smart and money conscious ways to get it done. We are more on top of economic and environmental problems than any large business. We are self-sufficient leaders of our villages and we will be able to survive off the grid if needed.
We are growing healthy, happy, well rounded children. We pay attention to everything that is being poured into our children. We make sure they get the best nutrition, are well-educated, and that their social calenders are well-rounded. We can recognize illness like any medical professional and we can recognize changes in mood or emotional damage easier than any psychologist. We may not have a degree, but we are specialists in people and what it takes to grow them and to grow them right. We don't need anyone else to tell us about our children because we know our children better than anyone. We don't need "specialists" to teach us any preventative measures to make sure our children are healthy and happy, that is our job, that is what we do every single day.
We don't sit on the couch all day watching soaps while the kids lay around in sugar comas or are locked in their rooms. We also don't spend every hour of every day cleaning our house to spotless perfection while are children sit in front of the electronic babysitter watching videos designed to make them smarter. In fact, if I get to sit down at all in a day it is a miracle. We can go from the library to the park to the zoo to a playdate all in the span of one day. Our children are learning in the time they spend with us, they are playing in the time they spend with us, they are enjoying the time they spend with us. We are teachers, we are best friends, we are mommies.
We spend ninety hours a week nurturing little humans to grow into mature, responsible, loving, successful adults. We raise future doctors, lawyers, and teachers. We raise future mommies and daddies and grandmas and grandpas. We raise children who respect authority because we have provided them an authority to respect. We raise children that are confident because we have shown them they are worth more than anything else in the world to us, that are self-sufficient because we have modeled it for them, that are free thinkers because they see us having to go against the grain each and every day. We raise inventors, scientists, chefs, zookeepers. We raise children who feel like they can be and do anything that they want to do because they see us doing what it is that we want to do each and every day.
We don't pour 40 hours a week into some company that has no personal relationship to our lives. We don't have a job that just pays the bills. We pour each and every hour of each and every day into a job that can change the world one tiny human at a time. Ninety hours is a modest estimate of the amount of hours we work during the week. We don't get lunch breaks, we don't get vacation days, we don't get sick days, and we don't complain about that. We don't live life for the weekend, we live life for each day and we actually enjoy it.
Each and every one of you have been a miracle to me in one way or another. You each have an amazing story surrounding your birth, but if I ever doubted that it was just coincidence or good luck you proved me wrong. At the time we found out we were pregnant with you I was on the strongest form of birth control possible. Not because we didn't want more children. In fact, we wanted them more than anything, but we had gotten to the point where we believed we could not have any more children. My health issues were causing me so much pain, there was doubt if I even could carry a baby successfully, and the thought of creating a life that I could not carry was too much to bear. We decided a hysterectomy was the best option for me and we were preparing for the surgery that would make it impossible for me to ever carry another life in my womb. I was on birth control to prevent pregnancy before the surgery as we made our final decision, and when we reached the decision to go ahead I prepared to call the doctor never imagining that the surgery would be impossible because there was already another life that had taken up residency in my womb.
I cried when I found out I was pregnant. I was so overjoyed, but the confusion was hard for me to grasp. When you reach a decision that you feel the Lord has called you to, that you feel is the absolute best, and He leads you in the opposite direction it takes some adjusting. Your father was so overjoyed when I told him the news that every single doubt I had was erased. It is not that I never wanted you, but I was so scared for you. I had come to believe that it would be hard for me to carry a child, and I was so afraid for your precious life. I had come to a point where I was comfortable with having only two children, and the thought of having three babies under three was scary. I didn't know if I could do it. Of course during that very first ultrasound, when I saw your body (there was not even a heartbeat yet and you were barely even formed since I was only 5 weeks pregnant) the Lord gave me peace that I had never known. He gave me assurance that I could do not only a good job with three of you, but that I could do the best job.
A few weeks later I began bleeding a lot. At that point I lost all hope, I questioned God's plan in all of this because I just couldn't understand why any of this would be happening. They did several ultrasounds and I loved seeing you each time, but during an early one we couldn't even find a heartbeat for the first five minutes and after that I was too afraid to even look at the screen until they found your heartbeat. I blamed myself, this body that has turned against me. I was so sorry that I was not able to provide you the life you needed to survive, but God provided because this body that shouldn't have been able to carry life, did.
Although you had survived they determined that the placenta had attached to my uterus. This is not an uncommon thing, but happening in the first trimester meant that it would probably continue to get worse. I researched exactly what it is that we needed to do. There was talk of a cesarean delivery with a hysterectomy immediately following. It was something most women would feel is the end of the world, but because I had already prepared myself mentally for a hysterectomy I was ready. The problems came when I learned of the risks of a birth with this problem. The chance that I may not survive the delivery. I spent every night for weeks crying in the shower so no one could hear me. I would just cry out to God. I had no words. I have learned not to pray that God will or won't do something the way I want it, but only to pray that He would just do His will. I had to accept that whatever happened would truly be for the best. I never reached that point though.
At my twenty week ultrasound, I was so excited to find out if you were a boy or a girl. You were the only baby I had "named" before I even knew. I had already begun to call you "Kason" when I spoke to you. I wondered what I would do if you were a girl, and if "Kason" worked as a girl name as well. The first miracle was that you were a boy. I was positive Maddox was a girl, and that Eden was a boy. Given my record, and the fact that I had already "named" you I was very scared that for sure you were going to be a girl. I cried with joy that you were a boy! I just loved the name we had given you. It was actually one your brother chose for you. I had never even heard the name before, and one day I asked Maddox, "What should we name the baby?" He looked at my belly and very quickly said, "Mommy, that is baby Kason." It stuck and it was perfect! This may not seem like such a "miracle", but it was for me. The second miracle was truly, by any standards, a miracle. The placenta previa
You were perfect, you were healthy, you were big. From the moment I held you in my arms I just felt all of the miracles surrounding you filling up the room. Your brother brought restoration, your sister brought strength, you brought miracles. You have also given us hope for more children in the future, and I will always hold a special place in my heart for God's precious surprise that He gave us in you. From the moment you were born I felt the same amazingly great love I felt for your brother and your sister. The fact that love is never divided, but that it just continues to grow takes my breath away every single time. I pray that one day you will feel this multiplying love in your own life. I pray that you will understand the thanks I have that you brought that again into my life, and that you brought hope for that again in the future.
I have always said I wanted a strong-willed daughter. That way I knew I wouldn't have to worry about anyone convincing her to do something she didn't want to do. I suppose it was God preparing my heart for you. I absolutely love you, my firecracker. I know that sometimes it does make it harder, but I wouldn't trade your spirit for anything in the world. I love the fact that your daddy can handle you perfectly, although with all the practice he has handling me there's really no surprise. The fire that God placed in you will be used for great things, I just know it. Don't ever allow anyone to tell you that it's not good, that you should try to change, that you should conform to who other people want you to be. Sometimes in the moment, I may wish you were more "obedient" or "cooperative", but I know that I am to raise you up as an independent woman who is strong in her values and you are already farther on that journey than most even though you are only two years old.
Your thirst for knowledge reminds me so much of myself. I love that you want me to read to you for hours, and know that no matter how old you get, I will still want to read with you. I'm so blessed that you share my passion for books and for learning, and I can't wait to see where it will take you. Never stop learning. No matter how much you think you know, you will never reach the point where you know it all, so never stop searching for answers, for the truth. Wisdom is the greatest thing you can ever gain, but don't mistake knowledge and wisdom as the same thing. Make sure you are dedicating your life to the right one.
You are the smartest two year old I know. Don't let anyone lead you to believe that there is nothing behind that beautiful blonde hair and those big blue eyes. Being beautiful does not mean that a woman cannot be intelligent as well. Remember to always keep a balance between the two of them. Don't ever underestimate the power of your beauty and never use that for your advantage. God can use you for amazing things, but not if you let your pride stand in your own way. God gave you your beauty for a reason, don't ever believe that it makes you any better or any worse than anyone else.
There are days when I look at you and I swear I can see the woman you will become. I pray for the man you will one day meet. I pray that you two will both seek out only each other, and that you will each be able to present yourselves perfectly to the other. I pray that God is preparing him for you, that God is preparing his family for you, and that God is preparing us for him. My greatest prayer is that your father and I can model to you what a godly relationship looks like, that your father can provide you an image of a man that you will long to seek after, but one that will be hard to find.
Never stop singing and never stop dancing. Continue to live your life like it is a musical. Always keep a song in your heart and a swing in your steps, and if life gets a little tough don't be afraid to just let it all out. Never stop asking me to sing with you, never stop asking your father to dance with you. No matter how old you get, I hope that there is no one you would rather sing and dance with more than us.
I want to be your best friend, even if sometimes I have to be the bad guy. I promise that I will always look out for you and what is best for you. I am not trying to just make you do what I want you to do or become who I want you to be. I pray that God gives me the wisdom to lead you as He calls me to, that He will give me the ability to raise you up the way He wants, not the way I want. I will always support your dreams, never be afraid to share them with me. No matter how silly you may think they are or how unattainable they may seem, I will do everything I can to help you achieve them.
Please listen to my advice and know that I don't give it lightly. Believe it or not, I have been where you are and there is nothing that you are going to go through that has not effected me in one way or another. I know the hurt of failed love, the sting of betrayal, the pain of loneliness. I know failure, I've had crushed dreams, I've felt the disappointment. I have been tempted, I have given in and I have remained strong. No matter where you are, I have been there too. I want to share with you my advice not to prove I am smarter than you, but because if there is one thing I want to do more than anything it is spare you pain. And if I can spare you even the tiniest bit of pain because of my own experiences then it makes all of them worth it.
I was not planning on sharing my letters on the blog, but I feel led to use this month to share some of these...starting with the very first one I wrote.
My Dear Son,
Four years ago you made me a mommy. I cannot even believe how quickly it has already gone, and I now understand why every mother is so quick to tell you to, "Cherish every moment because it goes by too fast." I never dreamed I would have you. Well, at one point long ago I did, but that dream was taken away from me when I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was 17. My dream was shattered that day, my heart broken. Then, when I had reached a place in my life where I had accepted the cards that had been dealt to me you came along. From the very first moment I even saw your tiny little body on the ultrasound screen, the size of a little bean yet still perfect, I found a love stronger than any love that I had ever known existed. A love for someone I had never met, a love for someone who everyone kept telling me wasn't even a "someone" yet.
By this point you had already saved my life. If it weren't for you, I may have never known about the cervical cancer that was forming in my body. It wasn't until my very first appointment with the doctor to check on you that they found it. There were tests and talks of what we would do after you were born, but with your birth the cells were cleansed from my body. So many miraculous things have surrounded you from the days before you were even born, my love. You were snuggled safely in my womb as your father and I tracked down your Uncle Brian. I will save that story for your father to tell you, but I remember crying and telling you how amazing it was that you had no idea what you had already witnessed in your short little lifetime. That was the day your father realized that there really was a God, and that He really did have a plan.
Restoration has followed you all of your life. My health was restored, your father's family was restored, and even you were restored. I know you will not remember the first years of your life (although sometimes I do wonder since your memory is absolutely amazing). From the moment I held you that first time in my arms I knew that you had autism. Mother's intuition, God's leading, paranoia, I've been told it was many, many things, but I know it was just because of the bond that was already between us. With your diagnosis came a despair I was not prepared for, but soon after I found a hope like I had never known as we watched you overcome the impossible.
You, my son, are an amazing person. From the very moment God knit you together in my womb He had amazing plans for you. Some of those plans have already been fulfilled, but many, many of them have not. Never forget, my angel, that you are special. Never forget that you are amazing. I will never forget, and forgive me for the times I seem a little too pushy. Know that everything I do is just to make sure that you realize your purpose. I do not know what the future holds for you. I already know that in your short four years on Earth you have done amazingly more with your life than most. Never lose your precious heart. Every time you say your "Our Father" or ask me to pray for someone you love or to pray for the ambulance that passed by, I can just feel the joy our Heavenly Father has for you. You have taught me more than I could have ever imagined. My only prayer is that I can teach you as well.
