Time for Me

As a mommy, this is my day: Wake up before the sun, make breakfast for my kids, after they eat that and are still hungry I also have to make them a small snack (they pretty much get a 4 course breakfast). Then I have to find an activity to keep my kids occupied so I can tackle the pile of dishes covering my counter from the day before. If I'm lucky and squeeze a load of laundry in before I start the dishes then I have to move it to the dryer as soon as I'm done with dishes and I can hopefully get another load in. By this point my kids are hungry again, especially the baby, so it's time for another snack. At this point I'm still trying to find something to keep the kids occupied (and my eyes open) and I realize I haven't even had breakfast. So I make a pot of coffee (because I figure that counts...well, it will keep my eyes open at least.) Play a little bit with the kids (or clean up after them while they play, depending on my mood) and make lunch. Now, I'm desperate to sit down, so I try to wrangle everyone down for a nap. They get in their beds and I decide to do at least one more load of laundry. As soon as I sit down with my remote control and a little snack (since I still have not eaten all day) the baby is hungry again. So I feed him and as soon as I'm done my oldest comes out of his room because he needs to go potty. Then I remember that, well, I haven't used the bathroom all day either (that's when you realize you're busy, when you realize you haven't even had time to pee!) I finally get everything taken care of and I'm ready to sit down, and my daughter wakes up. So I just stick her in front of the TV with a movie so I can at least eat lunch (since it's about 1:00 and I still have not eaten more than a granola bar) then I decide to put another load in the wash. Then I look over at my couch and realize there are 4 loads of laundry piled up on it that need to be folded and put away, but all I want to do is sit down. By now, I'm counting down the hours until my husband gets home (at this point it will be about 3 hours and I wish it was more like 3 minutes because I don't think I can make it that long). The rest of the day is me just trying to stay awake, trying to be a fun momma, trying to accomplish the things on my To-do lists. By the end of the day it's almost like I'm too tired to even breathe. I feel empty and worn out.

*sigh* My selfish side wants "me" time. I want to be able to just be by myself for a couple of hours. Then the egotistical side of me thinks "I can do this all by myself" *double sigh* Honestly, the days that I spend the most time in His Word (usually the days I get the least amount of sleep since I can't really have quiet time until the kids are in bed) are the days I feel the most energized, the most prepared, the most ready to take on the world. The days I incorporate my kids into my "me" time are the days I find myself the most fulfilled and happy in being a mother. The days that I give myself to others freely, without just thinking about what others are going to do for me, are the days I feel the most complete. It's true that as mothers we spend our lives giving to others, putting ourselves last, emptying ourselves completely. But deciding to put ourselves first isn't going to solve any of the "problems" we have as mothers. A day to myself, although nice, isn't going to help me get truly re-energized. A nap, no matter how heavenly it sounds, isn't going to cure me of a worn out spirit. I've heard so often since becoming a mother that I need to be a little "selfish" and I guess if we're splitting hairs we can say that, yes, every once and a while a little "selfishness" can be a good thing (although we need to seriously consider using a different word in this situation because there's a huge difference between getting a pedicure and being truly selfish and making the decision to get a pedicure while my children are in need of my help). Every once in a while I do need "me" time, but "me" time isn't going to make me a good mother. Plugging into God is going to make me a good mom. Relying on Him to continually fill the spirit that I am continually emptying out to others is going to help me keep my sanity. Leaning on His promises in those moments when I feel too weary to go on is going to keep me energized. Selfishness isn't what's going to help me at all, selflessness is (and that includes not being too prideful to allow others to "do" for me, but that's for another time.)