Passion's Weakness

On my journey of passion I've talked about the revolution that can be brought about by passion, a specific cause in which passion can make a difference, I've unintentionally showed how our emotions can negatively impact a cause by spreading the wrong information, and I shared passion's purpose. That all leads into what I have been thinking about these last few days...the Achille's heel.

It began with the Kony video. A small spark of the "hop on the bandwagon" movement. It really got me thinking about passion and what drives it. Is it something we are shocked into, dragged into, stumbled upon, or already caught up in? Is it a desire to stay ahead of the game, so that we seem like a better Christian because we are "passionate" about a cause? There's the word that has begun to haunt me these past few weeks. Ever since I started this journey with my eyes being opened to human trafficking and the absolutely evil forces that are at work in the world, then to have that knowledge fueled by the revelations of the Kony video. The ache in my heart just grew until I thought I couldn't stand it anymore. These people, these victims, these children, these families. But I kept hearing one word over and over and over, cause. I even used the word a few times myself. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being passionate about a cause, but is that all we are passionate about? A cause?

Are we more concerned with having our name tied to a "hot button" issue or a "trendy" topic? When we passionately spread our information out to others, are we even focused on them as people, or are we just focused on "converting" them to our side? Here is passion's weakness: the cause. I have seen too many people get so caught up in a particular cause that they forget they are dealing with people. They get so caught up in the information that they forget about the victims. Passion can be a good or bad thing. God instilled passion, when we keep our own emotions in check, can be amazing. Passion fueled by our own desires and letting our emotions lead, can be devastating. I see people so passionate about a cause that they don't even realize the harm they are doing rather than the good. How many times have we had a passionate person want to talk to us about their specific cause and we get beat over the head with information and are never allowed to disagree without feeling ashamed? How did that make us feel about their cause? That is not passion for people, that is passion for a thing. We do not need to be investing all of our time and efforts into things. Things don't bring change, people bring change. We can't bring change by hauling people over to our corner kicking and screaming. No, a cause is just a thing, do not be passionate about a thing.

I am not saying that if you are passionate about one of these causes that you are not passionate about people, and I think it's very easy for us all to spot the difference. There are several ways to tell if you have become more passionate about the actual cause rather than the people behind it.

• When talking about your cause to others are you thinking about the people who are actually affected by it?
• When sharing your information how do you feel if someone disagrees with you about it?
• Do you feel that your cause is the most important cause and that everyone else should be as passionate as you are about it?
• Do you even remember why you became so passionate about this in the first place?
• What is your #1 goal when it comes to your passion?
• If the cause you are passionate about came to an end tomorrow would you be relieved or feel empty because you no longer have something to fight for?

What good can we do for any particular cause if we are so absorbed in the cause that we forget the names and the faces behind it? What good can we do if we can't even recognize the people we are trying to explain it to, or get upset when not everyone feels as passionately as we do? What good can come when we have become so engrossed in the cause that we forget what it was that brought us there in the first place? What good can come if we are fighting simply to fight rather than fighting to bring it to an end? What good can we do if we are fighting for a thing rather than for people? So bringing me to my last point, is it a people-driven issue, or a people-created issue?

Is it an issue that will really, truly, absolutely bring freedom and life to people, or is it an issue that someone has created because they believe that it should be done that way? Are we trying to spread awareness because something is truly wrong or just because we believe that it is wrong. Yes, those things can be mutually exclusive. There are many things that people believe are wrong about religion, does that make it actually wrong or just believably wrong? Beyond asking ourselves is my passion about people or is my passion about a thing, we need to be asking ourselves is the cause I am passionate about focused on people or focused on a thing.

Our passion will never amount to anything if the issue we focus on is about a thing rather than on  people. Our passion will never amount to anything if we ourselves are focused on a thing rather than on people. Ultimately our passion should always be about people. God's call of passion on our lives is always about the issues that grieve His heart. It is how He stirs the hands of His people into action.  Passion is about going out and doing, about respecting others and inspiring them. It grows through its actions and inspires others to change. It brings hope, joy, and eventually revolution.

What revolution are you striving for?

Passion's Purpose

We can all think of someone who we would define as "passionate". They have an issue that they hold close to their heart and they advocate for it no matter what. Their feelings go beyond usual feelings of empathy or sympathy for others, and is turned into action. We can also think of someone who we would define as "excessively passionate". Someone who is argumentative with anyone who disagrees, someone who pushes their own opinions without stopping to hear what anyone else has to say. In fact, though we describe that person as passionate I think what we really mean is "stubborn" maybe even "self-centered" maybe even a little bit "extreme." It's hard to define passionate without having to include those other categories as well, and since I'm on a journey of passion I figured I need to define what passion is to me when I use it in my posts. A person who is argumentative, although seen by the world as a "passionate" person, to me does not define true passion. However, a person who longs to share information about the cause they hold so dear without forcing it on others, without condemning them for holding a different opinion, without becoming argumentative, that is true passion. A person who has true passion understands that the importance of the information they hold is more important than winning an argument.

Another aspect that is important to me when defining passion is the reasoning behind that passion. Maybe something tragic happened so they become passionate about making sure that never happens to someone else. Selfless truth. Maybe something amazing happened and truly changed their life and they want everyone else to share in it. Excited, sharing truth. On the other hand, maybe they are hopping on the bandwagon of a "popular" topic that caused them to feel something. Emotional truth. Maybe they feel that their way is the right way and that if you do it any other way you are wrong. Judgemental truth. There are so many other examples, but they all come down to this: motivation. What is the driving force behind your passion?

The world has a slightly different view of passion. Ok, maybe not different, so much as "falling a little short." The world sees passion as an emotion the drives someone to do something. And their actions will, hopefully, lead to something happening. Passion is the seed that brings change, but not because it is based on anything emotional. In fact, my recent post about Kony is a perfect example. It was one of those moments I felt emotionally charged over something and didn't care to see beyond my feelings. I still do believe with all my heart that we should be actively trying to bring restoration to those effected by Kony and the LRA. However, my feelings led me to share a resource that was actually harmful to the cause. It's a perfect example of why when it comes to issues that we feel led to, we need to seperate our emotions. Or we need to at least make sure that it is not our emotions controlling us. If we don't keep our emotions at bay it has the opportunity to destroy the work we can be doing for that cause. No, passion is not an emotion. Passion is a calling.

Like everything God has brought into our life, passion goes beyond just a feeling and into the actual heart and call of God. When we as Christians begin to feel passionate about an issue, I believe it is becasue we are feeling the heart of God lead us into a direction that He is calling us. A passion for missions. A passion for charity work. A passion for a new job. A passion for motherhood. Passion is God's way of leading us, directing us, and keeping us exactly where it is He wants us to be. Every Christian has a specific passion that they feel toward a specific thing, but all of our passions are rooted in one purpose: the love of God.

God's love restores, God's love heals, God's love saves. Each of us has a specific calling on our lives. If God called us all to the same passion then there would be some seriously neglected people on the world. We cannot all feel called to foreign mission when we have so many who are lost in our own backyard. We cannot all feel called to human trafficking and seek to free all 27 million who are enslaved when we have children who need us to teach them. We cannot all feel called to hunt out Kony and the members of the LRA and rescue the over 30,000 children they have kidnapped and trained as soldiers. These do seem like huge numbers, but there are 7 BILLION people in the world and over 2 billion of them have never even heard the gospel. No matter what our passion is, no matter what God calls us to do, it is rooted in this: bringing the love of God to the world. That is how we are going to actually bring a change. We could completely end slavery, we could shut down the NRA, we could adopt every orphan from around the world, end abortion, but it would all mean nothing if we did not do it with a heart for the gospel. It would mean nothing if we save these people from the temporary pain of this world, and leave them empty when it comes to the eternal saving grace of God our Father and of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The next 27 minutes...

***UPDATED***
I had posted the widely viewed Kony 2012 video as an example of passion. It is an amazilngly touching video about Joseph Kony and the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), and I posted it in an attempt to shed light on the evil forces that truly are at work in the world. When I posted it, I was not even considering that it was linked to an organization, I was simply focused on the issue. The issue definitely needs attention, but I can no longer in good conscience leave the video posted knowing what I now do about the organization itself. I know that everyone who has not seen the video is now curious. I know that we are all adults here and can make our own decisions based on the facts given to us. I do feel like this video is a great resource when it comes to opening our eyes to the issues of Kony and the LRA despite it's sensationalism and despite the fact that the organization itself it not one that can be trusted. I still do not feel comfortable keeping the video on my blog. I did realize that there was some controversy about Invisible Children and did post links including information about this controversy, but I feel like the controversy that has recently been brought to light is too important and the issue too emotional to leave the video posted. If I knew that I could leave the video posted simply as a visual for the issues regarding the LRA then I would, but I cannot in good conscience leave the video up knowing that some viewers may donate to Invisible Children based on the video.

The controversy actually runs a lot deeper than I realized when I posted it yesterday. Yesterday, when I posted the video, the controversy seemed to be based on the percentage of donations actually used for the cause. Later it was brought to light that Invisible Children actually supports other violent organizations and is backed by "Anonymous" a group that has declared war on America, Christians, and Jews. It appears that they do not truly care about Uganda and it seems they simply chose an emotional topic that they could use to gain noteriety and funding. It truly does sadden me. It saddens me that a very good resource that could have been used to spread awareness is now useless based on who produced it. Bearing all of that in mind, know that I am asking that if you do watch the video that you do not donate to them. Simply watch it as a way to educate yourself about the evil that still exists in the world and the true need there is for Christians to remain involved in global social issues. I am truly sorry if I mislead anyone in regards to the video. I did state that I was not pushing them as a reputable charity or asking anyone to donate, but I feel like I did not do as responsible of a job as I should have when it came to actually doing research before I posted. And, of course, it deeply saddens me that when it comes to a serious topic that needs attention that one would need to research a charity that claims to support it.

Somebody's Someone

This month I am embarking on a journey of passion in order to fulfill my resolution for revolution. One area that this passion is going to hugely impact is human trafficking. There are more people in slavery today than there has ever been in any other point in History.  I pray that hearing this will spark a little something in all of us. Human trafficking is not a particularly "new" concept for me. It's something that a few people I am close to are involved in, but it has never been something I have thought about. Ever. It seemed so far away. But God, in His infinite ways, has been stirring up this desire all around me, bringing the heart of His people closer to the heart of His own desires. And as I sat in a room with other moms drinking coffee, enjoying a little quiet time, and began hearing a little bit about human trafficking in my own city, God did His thing.

The day before, I had heard a few staggering statistics about my city. We are #2 in AIDS cases, #1 in Syphilis, #2 in Chlamydia, #5 in Gonorrhea, we have a higher murder rate than Washington DC, New York, and Los Angeles. These statistics blew me away. Blew. Me. Away. It broke my heart for the people around me, absolutely broke my heart. Then here I was sitting in this room listening to one of the women discuss an upcoming fund raiser for an organization she started a couple of years ago to fight human trafficking. God's working, the preparation He had done so that I would be ready to accept this seed, began to take shape. I began to realize that this was not a "far away" problem. I began to realize that this does not just affect everyone else. This has the very real possibility to affect my own family, my friends, my children. Does that make it more important? No, but sometimes that's what it takes to wake us up to a situation isn't it. My city is one of the top 10 cities for human trafficking. The youngest confirmed victim of sex trafficking in my city is 6 years old. My state has the highest rate of child homelessness of all the 50 states, with 30% of homeless shelter youth and 70% of street youth falling victim to commercial sexual exploitation. All of these stats were taken from my friend's site TraffickingHope.org and there are many, many more stats that will make your heart break. This is not far away. This is in my city, my state, my country. This isn't in the red light district in Amsterdam where prostitution is legal. This isn't in a third world country where people are living in such hopelessness that they are willing to do whatever it takes to get out. No, this is here in my backyard. In fact, there could be a slave right next door.

We heard of a girl, who shares her story in the book "The Slave Next Door". A young girl who was lured in by a 17 year old boy at her school. A boy she saw every day, boy who was nice to her, a boy who offered to drive her home, but instead took her to his home under the guise of "dropping something off on the way". This girl was then drugged and raped and beaten by some 20 men, pictures were taken, and the next day the threats began. She was given copies of the pictures. They threatened to tell her father, who was an affluent business man and very involved in the local Catholic church, and threatened to get him fired. They would call her every night, and she would have to go. She would sneak out under the noses of her parents while they were sleeping and do whatever it was they were calling her to do. She was not a runaway, she was not unloved, she was not homeless. She was a scared young girl who didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she could think of to protect herself and her family.

This is where the passion for human trafficking and my passion for mothers merge. There are 27 million people in bondage worldwide. 99% of them have not been rescued, but 100% of them are somebody's child. We were told of the handlers who roam the malls seeking out "targets". They seek out the girls who feel insecure, the girls who are seeking to be validated. It's something as simple as telling a girl she has beautiful eyes only to have her say, "No, they're not." What does this mean for us as moms? This is not meant to be an overwhelmingly scary realization. Yes, this is a heavy and uncomfortable topic, but we serve an Almighty God who protects us, who guides us, and who is immensely more powerful than any harm that can come to us. This means that we, as moms, hold all the power, that we can change it all.

It begins with us. It begins with our children. We can transform this horrific cycle one family at a time. It means raising our sons to respect women, to value them, to understand that women are not objects to use, but people to be adored. It means raising our daughters to recognize their true value, to understand the importance of modesty and respect, to teach them the difference between affection and manipulation. If we raise up men who love and respect women, women who love and respect themselves, and wrap it all up in a love and respect for God our Father, we can end this cycle of slavery and abuse. It's hard not to get caught up in the vastness, the severity, the devastation. We may not all be called to go in and rescue these girls from their lives of slavery. We may not all be called to host fund-raisers, to start organizations, to hit the streets, to "get dirty". We may not all feel "passionate" about human trafficking. But as moms we are all called to raise up the next generation, and as moms that's something we should all be passionate about.

Passion is the Seed That Leads to Change

It all starts with an idea. That idea causes our hearts to beat faster, our brains to work harder, and our hands itch to dig in. We want to "get dirty". This leads to an ongoing relationship with that idea. We begin to live it, to breathe it, it becomes an all-out passion in us. This passion, this constant desire to act on this idea, the willingness to do whatever it takes to get it done, is the seed that leads to change. Once the seed of passion has been planted in us there is no going back.

This month I am going on a journey of passion. Sparked by that moment I saw the seed on passion being planted in my friend, knowing the importance that moment will have on the Kingdom, I am excited to be digging into passion and exploring what impact passion has on our desire for revolution. After all, I did make a resolution for revolution this year. My whole inspiration for this year is action. Not just determining a course of action, but actually taking that action. This year it is all about a sudden, complete, and marked change. The way this change is going to happen is through passion. When God has been preparing your heart, when it becomes fertile soil ready to welcome the seed of passion, and when that seed of passion is planted, revolution is right around the corner!

On the Mountaintop

As Christians we've all been there. The passion that overtakes us, the desire to be great, the emotion, the calling. We are on the mountaintop. We have never felt closer to God, never felt more passionate about a certain ministry, never had such "clarity". But it fades, and what happens as we begin to travel back down the mountain? In that moment, at the top, we want to change the world. It may last a few hours, a day, a week, but usually that passion begins to get replaced with something else. Without even noticing it, the passion turns to comfort.

“We have hearts that lead us to do nothing. We do not deliberately withhold compassion, but we do not think beyond our personal worlds.”

I love when God begins to stir up something great. I love when He begins a movement of something that is close to His heart. Stirring up a desire in masses to seek out Scriptures, stirring up in masses a desire to serve, stirring up in masses a desire to get closer to Him and to become who He has called us to be. My friend shared on her blog today about "The Ordinary Heart". It spoke to me so much knowing where she was coming from in this. Knowing that God has been secretly stirring up a desire in the hearts of many women I love and that He is beginning to make it known to all of us what He is calling us to do. The mountaintop is just not enough, not if we want to actually make a difference, not if we want to change the world.

"We see a video on one of the big global issues and it makes us sad for a moment. We may even shed a tear or two. We are moved, sometimes to action for a short time. But then life goes on, we get wrapped back up in our own little worlds and we forget that there is an entire world of injustice out there. That is not compassion. That is emotion. And emotion is not is what is needed to make a change."

We go to conferences, we attend conventions, we constantly seek after ways to be "better". We seek after the "self-help" aspect of religion as if it is the very bane of our existence. And you know what, it actually is. Not the seeking, but the self-seeking. The Old English word "bana" means "slayer", the bane of our existence is "something that kills you". But how can seeking ways to be better kill us? No, technically, our self-seeking won't kill us, but it has the very real power to kill our influence, to kill our impact. My God is not a "self-help" God, my God is a God who serves and calls me to serve along side of Him.

“When we have to hold a conference like this to remind the Church to be compassionate, something is fundamentally wrong.”

Amen! I will take it a step further and say if we have to hold conferences to get people excited about being a Christian, something is fundamentally wrong. If we are constantly seeking to better ourselves, but it never sticks; if we are constantly having these brief moments when we want to change the world, but do not go out and do something about it; if we keep treating our relationship with God as if it has everything to do with us and nothing to do with the rest of the world, we're just missing it. As Christians we are called to be filled with Christ. Filled with His love, His purpose, His compassion. If we are not able to live out our calling without being on the mountaintop then something is fundamentally wrong.

"Anyone who sets himself up as 'religious' by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world."

Something that God has been laying on my heart over and over and over the past 2 years is that religion is not as "bad" as it has been made out to be. Yes, it is all about a relationship with God, no, it is not about following a bunch of rules, and, no, there is absolutely no amount of "good" that we can do to work our way into Heaven. But there is a vast seperation between our salvation and our lifestyle. Anyone can talk the talk, but not many are walking the walk. And we as the church scratch our heads and wonder why many have turned away from established religion, we wonder why the hurting are the ones turning away from the church, we can't understand why the message of Christianity is being met with such distaste. Our actions have no effect on our entrance into Heaven. Once we accept the Lord as our Savior and believe that He died as a sacrifice for us, it is finished our fate is sealed. But our actions have absolutely everything to do with our wittness to others, and absolutely everything to do with whether or not they will make the decision to believe. If we go about our lives bound for Heaven heaping upon ourselves abundant grace, why would anyone believe they need what we have? If they look at your life and it looks the same as theirs, what would they need our God for?

"The sum of your faith is only as good as the sum of your works. Because we know Jesus Christ as Savior, our practices manifest our devotion to Him."

If we as Christians were actually being "religious", people would not be running from God. They would be running toward Him. If we as Christians were actually living by the Word people would not feel shunned. They would feel loved. Being religious is not being self-righteous. Being religious is not just following rules because they are rules, but following rules because they are right. If we were truly being "religious" calling others to live in accordance to their high calling wouldn't make people feel judged, it would make them feel encouraged. Maybe the problem is that as Christians we forgot about our religion as soon as we gained our salvation. We are judgemental rather than encouraging, we are turning people out rather than loving them in. We don't follow the rules because we are forgiven, and they see only hypocrisy not grace. Then we continually go to the mountaintop to find God, but we leave Him behind as we come down.

"Why is there still so much injustice in the world? Some blame God. They ask why He hasn’t done something. Why He allows it to continue. It isn’t God’s fault. It is ours."

All in the details

There on the arm of the couch were their little outfits. They were lined up nice and neat and ready to go. I saw them and wanted to completely lose it. I felt unloved and ignored all because of these little outfits still neatly folded up on the arm of the couch. How threatening these little things can sometimes be to our feelings.

Sunday mornings are hard on me because leading praise and worship means I have to leave early. I can't eat breakfast with my family, I can't help get the kids ready, and I can't drop them off in their classes and watch them run off to play with their friends. There's something about missing out on those little moments that makes it hard. And despite the fact that I absolutely love leading praise and worship, I was almost in tears this morning as I left the house before anyone else was even awake. I left my hubby and three babies all snuggled comfy in our bed, and I headed to church. I left with a heart full of love at the site of them all asleep, and I headed off to do what I love to do, but for some reason the desire to be with my family was so very strong this morning. Perhaps it was because a local pastor lost his 17 year-old son yesterday and I was feeling especially sensitive to that tender spot in my heart for my family. Insert reason number one I was already vulnerable.

Last Sunday, when I picked our daughter up after church she was wearing grey sweatpants with a completely un-matching dress (yes, a dress over sweatpants) and her brother's big brown jacket. It really caught me off-guard A) because it didn't match B) because it was not her nice clothes by any means and C) because I forgot her daddy had to get her ready for church in the mornings. He doesn't always do a bad job dressing them, and I know it's hard for him to get them all ready for church and drop them off without my help, but I made sure to mention to him that it really bothered me how he had dressed her for church. I don't dress my kids in the latest styles and they are by no means the best dressed, but it was just something that really bothered me deep down in my core when I saw how they were dressed. Insert reason number two I was vulnerable.

This week, I decided I was going to make things easier for my hubby, so I picked out their outfits for church, put them on the arm of the couch, and showed them to him. I made sure I told him that I got their outfits ready at least three times the night before. I made sure I even showed him where they were. I was half-joking because I wanted to "make sure" he had no excuse to forget where the clothes were. He laughed and said, "I will not forget." Insert the reason those clothes still sitting on the arm of the couch made me want to completely lose my mind.

After being so upset having to leave my babies that morning I excitedly went to pick them up from nursery. My son, who is 8 months old but wears 18 month clothes, was stuffed into a nice outfit that was a size 9 months. My daughter was wearing a blue and white hand me down sweater that has been loved to death and is falling apart with bright pink pants that are about 3 inches too short. Insert the straw that broke this momma camel's back.

As irrational as it may seem, in my vulnerability, the sight of my children in these clothes made me feel completely disrespected. I had lovingly picked out their clothes, laid them out in an effort to make my husband's job easier, and made sure he knew where they were. He told me that he could not find the clothes that morning, that he did remember me telling him, that he did look for them, but that he just didn't see them. And I walk in to see them right there on the arm of the couch in the exact spot I left them. Insert my feelings of uselessness, being unloved, like my words mean nothing, like my feelings mean nothing, like everything I do is a waste of time.

It sounds funny reading this to some I'm sure. I know there is a woman saying, it's just clothes, and I really, honestly wished I could have seen it that way. But in that moment it was about all of the times I have felt ignored. In that moment, it was all about my husband telling me with his actions that what I said to him and what I did for him just doesn't matter. In that moment, I was d.o.n.e. We all have that moment. Whether it's over a little thing, like an ignored request, or whether it's a big thing, like a broken promise, or whether it's just a long string of everything. Insert my "what do I do now" face.

I wish I would have been able to respond graciously to this, but I didn't. We were meeting my family for lunch, but, honestly, the sight of my kids in those clothes was just too much for me to handle, so I went to the restaurant and asked my husband (who was already sitting at the table with my family and our kids) to meet me outside. And I did lose it. The tears poured down my face, and I told him that I could not believe that he would treat me that way. I threatened that if he went to baseball that afternoon that I would never forgive him because the thought of him following through on a commitment to someone else when he had deliberately ignored a request from me was too much for me to handle. Insert my "I wish I could turn back time" face.

We don't always act appropriately when something goes wrong, no matter what that is. It's all in the details when it comes to our feelings as a woman. The little things remind me that you will respect me in the big things. If I'm feeling insecure, the little things are the things I will cling to the most. Friday night we had spent the night celebrating Valentine's Day. The fact that we had gone to my favorite sushi restaurant, gone to an amazing Cirque du Soleil show, and had a completely perfect night enjoying each other's company meant nothing in that moment when, because of a few pieces of clothing, I felt completely disrespected. Sometimes we really can't control how we feel about a situation, but we can control our reaction. It reminds me of the verse, "In your anger, do not sin." Our feelings are not sins, sometimes we cannot control it. How I felt about those clothes, there was nothing that I or anyone else could say to convince myself to feel anything differently about it. But, what I could have done was chosen to react a completely different way. Insert me here, praying that next time I can act with self-control and grace rather than acting out of my hurt feelings.

Those clothes are still there, sitting on the arm of the couch. I figured it makes it easier on me tomorrow when I need to dress them. Luckily, after a good cry, a good nap, and a fun night of laughter with friends, my feelings are being mended. Now I just have to pray that in my moments of hurt I will learn to lean on God rather than allowing these moments to place the weight of the world on my shoulders.

God LONGS to Be with You

In the beginning when God created the Earth, He walked among His creation. He walked through the garden with Adam and Eve, talking with them. It wasn't until sin entered the picture that God had to separate Himself from man, yet even then He continued to find ways to be with them. Speaking to them audibly, appearing to them in dreams, making covenants with them. God desperately desired a relationship with a fallen creation. Even when the world became so wicked that He wished He had never even created it, He found Himself so filled with compassion for His creation that He still longed to save it.

In Exodus, The presence of God led the Israelites in the form of a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. God instructed Moses to construct the Ark of the Covenant, and filled it with His presence and symbols of His covenant with His people as a constant reminder to them that He was among them. God desperately desires to be among His people, loving them, leading them. He seeks to remind us of His presence and power in all that He does. He longed for a relationship with us so much that His own presence, in the form of Jesus Christ, came as a man to dwell among us, paving the way for something even better.

I've always wished I could have been blessed to have been on the earth during the life of Christ. To see Him, to walk with Him, to learn from Him. It wasn't until recently that I learned of the blessing of this time here on Earth. In the here and now, we are still called into His presence. In fact, we are constantly in His presence, or maybe a bit more accurately, He is in ours. Jesus stated in Luke, that He must leave to pave the way for us to do even better things than He had done while on Earth. He promised us a helper to endwell in us, to lead us the same as the God of the Old Testament, to teach us the same as Jesus, and to empower us in a way that had not been done before. God longed so desperately to be with us that His own Son, was led to the slaughter in order to pave the way for the Holy Spirit to endwell in His people.

God provided a permanent bridge to cross the gap that separated Him from His creation when sin entered the world. Now there are no boundaries. He endwells us, filling us with His Spirit. He empowers us with greater strength than we could ever imagine, strength to fulfill any calling He places on us. God is in us, and through us does great and powerful things. Despite all of our short comings, God longs for us to allow Him to enter in, to allow Him to change our hearts, to be sanctified unto Him, and for us to ultimately spend eternity in His Holy presence just as He had created us.

Are you content to be on the outside of God?

Are you content to stand on the outside, watching others as they are bathed in His presence? Are you content to see the joy fill the faces of others, but to never know how that feels? Are you content where you are? Are you content to be a Christian who is "saved", but not set apart? Let us find God, be filled with God, and fervently seek after Him at all times. We are called to a high calling. Are you living up to that call? Are you a light in the darkness? Let us desire to be taken into the Holy of Holies, be cleansed by God, be used by Him.

My Child's Keeper

When I consider what it means to be a mother I am filled with honor and excitement. When I think that God has given over to me these little beings, fresh and new, unblemished by the world, to grow them up in His calling, I am amazed.To know that He found me worthy of the calling of "mother" can be an overwhelming thought. It brings so much freedom, yet so much fear at the same time. Fortunately the freedom is the true calling and the fear is of my own making.

The freedom of God's calling of mother, is that while I am the mother, God is the one who is in true control. My job as my child's keeper is to plant in them the seeds that will grow to create the beauty God is bringing up in them. As a mother I carefully plant the seeds of love, confidence, self-worth, and purpose. I tend to them, keep the weeds of the world from choking them out. I use every opportunity to do the best I possibly can, but in the end God is the one who grows those seeds, who matures those seeds, who causes those seeds to bring forth fruit. The freedom is that I do the best I can in everything, apologize and try better when I fail, and love as much as I can then I pray in those moments that I have no control, and know that it all is in God's hands. My children don't need perfection from me, they already have a perfect heavenly Father. They need someone to teach them the right path, so that when they feel God's leading them they will recognize it. They need me to lay the foundation for God to build on, and then I can be there to help them along the narrow way.

Yes, there is great freedom in the calling of mother. There also seems to be a great bit of fear as well. Fear that our children will stray, fear that our children will not come to know the Lord, fear that we will not do enough. We need to be able to separate our convictions from our fears, to recognize when we need to change and when we need to pray. The convictions God lays on our heart to change the things that we have control over, our attitude and our methods, these things we can change to keep ourselves in His will. However, our children's attitudes, the choices they make out of their own free will, the path that they may decide to take that we do not agree with, are all things we fear, yet these are all things we can do nothing about. In those moments we need to recognize the freedom in our calling, that our job is to plant the seeds, but we cannot make them grow into completion. We need to let go of the fear of losing control, the fear of who our children will become, the fear that we will mess everything up if we do something wrong, and recognize the truth in our calling. The fact that God is the true, perfect parent and our job is to lead them in His direction.

And as they grow, if when they mess up, and if they choose to stray, have faith in the seeds that you planted and in the foundation that you laid. Recognize the calling you have on your life, but recognize the responsibility that your children have to apply these things themselves. Our children are not our puppets anymore than we are puppets to the Almighty Father. We cannot, and do not want to, control their every single move. We want them to be their own people, with the ability to make their own decisions, and we know that God can turn their greatest mistakes into the greatest growth. We lead them, not leash them. We love them, not lure them. We do what we can, and God does the rest.

When was the last time you felt "Angst"?

Anguish: Grief, often used to convey the added element of mental distress.

I would be five months pregnant right now. This morning, I found myself holding my stomach, as if I were waiting to feel the little flutters. As if I truly thought I was still pregnant, but I'm not pregnant anymore. You may say, "God doesn't let you be tested beyond what you can bear." To that I say, oh, yes, He does. The rest of that scripture is "with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." It is not that He does not allow us to face more than we can handle, it is that HE brings us THROUGH it. And no matter how it feels at the time, He WILL bring us through it.

Beth Moore describes anguish as "pain + anxiety", "suffering + dread", "hurt + harassment".

It could be physical pain, emotional distress, or rejection. There are things going on in our lives at all times that can stir up in us these feelings of angst. Sometimes it's sparked by a situation that pulls every single emotion out of us. Sometimes it drudges out the things of our past that we had convinced ourselves were buried. What brings me anguish may seem silly to you and vice versa, but the only thing that seems to matter during our times of anguish is how it feels. Emotions are hard to overcome, hard to see through, and I'm convinced that in our times of anguish the root of it will always be emotion. In every one of these definitions there is an emotion involved. Anxiety, dread, hurt. If we were just feeling pain, suffering, or harassment these times may not cause such grief. It's the added emotions that we naturally associate to every single aspect of our life that has the ability to bring about such mental distress, such harm. There have been times when I have thought this has been way more than I could bear on my own. But God. Through it all God has provided godly friends and leaders who have supported me, held me up when I couldn't do it on my own, and encouraged me to follow my calling in all situations. God provided me with insights that I would never have gotten otherwise.

The great thing about angst is that it doesn't end there. It is but a moment, and it has the potential to change everything you know yourself to be.

Yes, anguish has the potential to completely devestate you, to make you give up on God and turn away, to make you forget your purpose. That is why Satan uses it to come against you, he knows that so often we will give up in the middle rather than sticking it out. But God sees the potential that can come from the anguish as He lovingly leads us through it. He wills for us to place ourselves in His hands and let Him carry us. He has a plan for our lives. He has a place He wants us to get to, a place of His perfect will for our life. He will use every single thing in our life to get us there. He turns our greatest pain into our greatest purpose.

I love and wish I could share every single word and scripture from week 3 in the "Mercy Triumphs" study on James from Beth Moore, but I will simply share the main points and why we are able to, in God, consider the fact that joy is about to come through our sorrow. Did you ever consider how anguish and joy can coexist? James 1:2. Did you know that anguish and joy can trade places? That in a moment of anguish you will be given a moment of joy that will replace it? Isaiah 61:1-3. Have you been able to recognize that anguish can morph into joy? That a moment of anguish can itself be turned into joy? John 16:20.

Anguish is always meant to lead to a birth. No matter what anguish it is we face, we can glory in the knowledge that it is for a purpose. That if we let these trials produce their completed work in us we will become "perfect and complete lacking nothing" as James shares. There is no greater joy I feel than knowing that even here on Earth I can find myself abiding in His perfect and completed will for my life. Will I be the world's idea of the "perfect" woman? Will I never sin? No, but I will be exactly who and where God wants me to be. My life will be exactly what he has purposed for it.When I consider what can come from anguish, what better option is there than to give it over to God and allow Him to turn it into something glorious?

I know the promise that is held in allowing these trials to be used, in allowing myself to let anguish bring about a completed work in me. So I will push through it. Come what may.

8 Weeks to Adoption: Moving Mountains

'"You realize you're pretty much asking us to do the impossible, to move mountains.' My response was, 'Yes, I realize that. But that's not a problem for God. He's in the mountain moving business.'"

In early December, a family was made aware of a beautiful 13 year old girl in need of a home. I shared with you their testimony in late December, asking you to flood Heaven with prayers for this family, and I have been absolutely bouncing off the walls to share with you their success! I've been trying to figure out a way to type this out that truly conveys the absolute miracle that has been performed, but I feel like there are no words that can truly capture the mountains that God has physically moved for this family. I'm not going to be able to give every single detail of every single miraculous step that has happened, just know that it was an absolutely impossible situation in which absolutely impossible things had to happen over and over and over in order for this to happen. I will try to relay the amazing things that have happened, I will try to give you a picture of the sheer magnitude of what God has done, and I know that even if my words fall short the evidence of God's hand and of His purpose is just undeniable!

This was a literal battle against the clock. The only way I can describe it is that here was this little girl trapped in an hour glass, with sand pouring over her, about to run out of time, about to be lost forever. This beautiful, precious daughter of God turns 14 at the end of February. Yes, that is just a few short weeks from now, and it was only 2 short months from the time this family discovered her. If she does not have her "gotcha date" by her birthday, she can NEVER be adopted. Even if there is a family desperately wanting her, they cannot get her, there is absolutely nothing that can be done. She would most likely be turned out to the streets, a victim of sex trafficking or other terrible high risk situations. The problem was, a file had never been made for this precious girl. She has grown up in an orphanage, watched all of her friends get adopted, but no one thought anyone would want her so they never even made a file. It would be impossible to get a file made and to find her a family and to get everything finalized before her birthday. As the adoption agency said, the family was asking to do the impossible, but they said to at least try.

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears." Psalm 18:6

Getting a file for this beautiful child of God was, at the moment, the least of this family's worries. They had adopted a daughter just a year ago. Those who have adopted know the financial burden that comes with adoption. How would it be possible to adopt another child so soon? Less than two weeks into the new adoption process they had already received 75% of the money they needed! January 5th, one month later, they have a file for this precious girl!!! This means they should now be able to get pre-approval. In order for things to happen as they need to, they need to happen immediately. By January 10th the impossible was seeming even more impossible and by now time was absolutely critical. The document that was supposed to have left the embassy needed to be there the next day, they needed immediate pre-approval, a log-in date within 24 hours of receipt of their dossier, and LOA (letter of acceptance) before January 23rd.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

On January 13th they had received pre-approval (meaning they were "officially matched") for their beautiful, hopefully soon-to-be daughter. Just hours before  pre-approval they had received a donation that brought them 100% of their needed funds! Praise to the Almighty Father who holds the hearts of the orphans in His hands, who provides for their every need! Also on January 13th their dossier was delivered, and they had been issued a log-in-date the same exact day! Again, praise God for continued answers to prayers! By January 20th they had been issued their LOA! God's continuous provision was completely overwhelming. There is usually an 80 day wait between the time you get your log-in date until the time you receive your LOA. The agency was 98% certain that this would never happen. BUT GOD! On January 21st, Eliana was told that she has a family!!!

On February 1st, their Article 5 had been issued and overnighted (this is approval for Eliana's visa once the adoption is complete). It normally takes a minimum of 2 weeks for this to be issued, but they had theirs within 24hrs. The only thing left was the official invitation to bring their daughter home! Within 2 days they had their travel approval!!! Despite all of the impossible circumstances, the road blocks, the literal mountains that needed to be moved, the only thing left to do is to go get their little girl!!!

^"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" Matthew 19:26

You are my Everything.

When I was leading worship for our youth group, this was one of my absolute favorite songs to do. I cannot even say how many times I feel myself singing this out to God. How can we find ourselves in the presence of God and not be moved? He truly is all that we want, all we need, our everything. My hands are lifted up in praise to the God who was, who is, and who is to come! We praise you, Almighty Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, for being absolutely, completely, 100% everything!

When people fail me, He is JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH "the Lord who is present" in Him I am never alone.
When I need Him to fight for me, He is JEHOVAH-NISSI "the Lord is my banner" in Him victory is certain.
When the trials have filled every aspect of my life, He is JEHOVAH-SHALOM "the Lord is peace" in Him there is sanity.
When there are doubts, He is EL-ROI "the strong one who sees" in Him there is comfort.
When I stray, He is JEHOVAH-ROHI "the Lord is my shepherd" in Him there is restoration and a clear path.
When I long to be everything He has called me to be, He is JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM "the Lord my sanctifier" in Him there is purpose and fullfillment.
When life seems too hard to bear, when I wonder who it is I serve, He is EL-ELYON, EL-SHADDAI, EL-OLAM "the most high God, God Almighty, the everlasting God" in Him there is no weakness.

Best Friends Forever or Just For Now?

Is it just me, or is the term "Best Friends Forever" just a set-up for disappointment? I remember when we ran into one of my mom's best friends from college, I was about 10. When she told me she never even talks to her anymore I could not understand it. I even told my friends as soon as I saw them how ridiculous it was. I was never going to be my mom, and I would talk to my friends forever! I figured maybe my mom was halfway right and I wouldn't talk to my friends from elementary or even high school forever, but certainly college. It just didn't make sense. I thought we were supposed to be friends forever. What are you supposed to do with no best friends? Those best friends I had when I was 10, I don't talk to them anymore either and I'm pretty sure my 10 year reunion will be the first time I'll even see most of my friends since high school. Even my roommates from college have started their own lives and I am not a huge part in it. We all grow up, go separate ways, find new friends. Even my husband, who grew up in the same house his entire life so he doesn't have the excuse of moving 8 times like I do, has new friends. He actually had the same friends throughout college and even until we were married. I thought it was weird, I thought maybe I just didn't understand this best friend thing after all. But, as soon as we were married and his friends were still single the relationships started to fade away. By the time we had children we never even talked to any of them anymore.

I would certainly love to think that we will have best friends forever, friends that have been there for us since we were 5, friends that knew us before anyone else, but I don't want my children to think that this is how relationships neccessarily work. I know there are some people who have been friends since they were 5 and that is amazing, but for the majority of us that's just not reality. When I was in 5th grade my parents decided to move me to a different school. I remember my best friend and I pleading, absolutely begging, her mom to move her to that school as well. We just couldn't imagine not being in eachother's lives. She did, but do you want to know what happened? My best friend soon found a new friend and they began to bully me mercilessly. Most of my friendships have not ended in such a dramatic way. Most of them begin to fade away over time until I realized those people are just not a part of my life anymore. Our interests change, our physical appearance changes, we move, there are so many reasons our relationships don't stay the same as we grow up. We are constantly growing and changing, getting closer to some people and farther apart from others, trying to live our life the way we want to and not the way others are living theirs. I certainly don't want my children to feel like there is something wrong with them if the person they once considered their best friend one day just isn't anymore. I do want to teach them to nurture their relationships, to value and cherish their friends, and to enjoy every single moment making memories, but I want them to know it's okay if it's not the same person that they are making memories with every single time.

I've learned to value my best friends for now. Those best friends I had growing up had a huge impact on me and who I am no matter how it ended. I needed them at that time in my life, and we really were best friends even if it wasn't for forever. My babies have started to form their first friendships, and I guess it's normal given my history of being bullied to want to protect them, but I know that these friends are going to be some of the most important people in their lives and I can't just keep them away from people for the rest of their lives or hand-pick who it is they hang around with. I want them to enjoy these friendships, and it's up to me to help them learn how to define what friendship even means. In order to do that I had to learn to define it myself.

It doesn't matter how long someone is your friend, if they're there for many years or just a week.  A friend is someone who knows the real you and loves you for it, someone who doesn't pressure you to do things you know are wrong and always encourages you to do what's right. A friend is someone you can talk about your hopes and your dreams with, and who will help you think of ways to accomplish them. It doesn't matter if they agree with you 100% of the time or not, you may even fight but you always forgive. A friend is someone who when you truly need them they will always be there, someone who you don't feel bad about calling in the middle of the night. A friend helps you find the strength when you feel like you can't do it anymore, and who will carry you if you need it. A friend is someone who you can pick up the phone after 20 years and you can still carry on a conversation.

Information Overload

Lately, I have read article after article after article about parenting. Why French parents are the best, why African parents are the best, why basically every parent except American parents are the best. There's new research proving that certain parenting methods are harmful to a baby's developing brain, certain parenting methods create anxiety in children, certain parenting methods create a lack of boundaries, certain parenting methods are too involved, certain parenting methods are not involved enough. On, and on, and on. The last thing I need is to read one more article telling me what I'm doing wrong, what everyone else is doing right, how I'm ruining everything. The last thing I want to do is be the author of one of these articles.

I'm not an expert, I'm just a mom. I'm very much aware that some of the things I do with my children will not work with everyone else, I'm very much aware that I am not completely perfect. The things I write in this blog are not a step-by-step guide of how to raise your children. My #1 fear is that some who read my blog will feel like that is exactly what this is. I write what I do. I write about my successes, my failures, my victories, and my struggles. I do not feel the need to constantly say, "this may not work for you," or to constantly point out that I am not perfect. When I'm reading articles like that I feel like maybe the person doesn't even believe what they are saying themselves. I feel like you, as the reader, are definitely smart enough to know what works for you and what doesn't, I feel like you know that I am not perfect because none of us are. What good would it do for me to constantly point out my flaws? I don't want to read about someone's failures over and over and over without reading of their success. And when someone does write about their success I am not going to immediately feel like they are pushing down my throat the idea that they are better than I am. I know that is not what they are saying. I really hope that I'm not the only one who feels that way.

I recently read an article...yes, I read a lot of articles, and I mean an insane amount of articles, because that is something that I love to do. Anyway, I recently read an article that said facebook causes feelings of depression because we see everyone else's life and feel like ours just isn't good enough. It made it sound like people are putting forth a false image that their life is perfect. It reminded me of a few blog posts recently about people feeling bad about themselves when they read blogs. Now, I'm not saying that I have never looked at my friends' pictures of their trips abroad, their lavish weddings, their beautiful homes and thought "Oh how I wish." In fact, I'm not even saying that there haven't been times that I didn't give in to those feelings of worthlessness based on someone else. I'm not saying that I've never looked at a blog post and thought, they are doing it right and I am not. But I refuse to believe we have really gotten to the point where we believe people are trying to fake everyone into believing they are perfect. And I refuse to believe that the purpose of these posts are to make us feel badly about ourselves. I just believe that we are so much smarter than that. I think this idea of how we view others just speaks to our own perceptions of the information provided.

Honestly, in my non-expert, just a mom opinion what would really create a feeling of depression is looking at someone's facebook page or blog posts and to have it only talk about everything negative that has ever happened. So are we really creating this lose-lose situation in our life where we're upset if someone posts something negative and we're upset because someone posts something positive? Again, this is why I think this speaks to our own perception. Are we caught up in this endless cycle of comparisons?

All-in-all, I would argue that we should have the attitude that people are not setting out to create in us any feelings at all by what they post. By sharing something with us, they are just sharing how they felt in that situation. "My vacation was awesome, I want to share how awesome it was because it was so exciting for me." In the small minority of people who may post their vacation pictures to make you jealous then shame on them, but in the end shame on us for letting them have that impact. If someone posts something negative see that as an invitation to encourage, cry with, and love on them. The majority does not share something negative for the sole purpose of dragging everyone else down with them, and if they are why should we let it effect us in such a way?

Am I speaking to anyone other than myself? Maybe I don't take personally everything I read just because I read so much. It would be absolutely impossible for me to take everything I read into account in my life. I read articles about every parenting style from every country from every type of person. There are a lot of things I agree with, a lot of things I don't, a lot of things that are interesting, and a lot of things that are down right wrong. In the end the only thing I have to answer to 100% is the Word of God, everything else provides me the freedom to pick and choose what I want to believe, what I want to think more about, and what I want to completely discard. Most of all I'm just excited that these people have a passion for what they are doing, that they are sharing their views with the world. I think it's amazing that we have the ability to have the world and it's opinions at our fingertips. Yes, this can be a very overwhelming thing, that's why we should take it for what it is, a bunch of people just trying to share their life with the world and make a difference just like everyone else.

Something Happens to the Old You

When you are a Christian something happens to the old you. It's like someone flips a switch on your life, and you are completely changed. Things that never made sense before finally do, and others can't understand how it is you know the things you do. When you are a Christian the things that you used to take pride in no longer matter, what used to be entertaining does nothing but leave you empty, the things you used to feel seem so shallow and mundane.

When you know Jesus something happens to the old you. It's like your life finally has a purpose, and you can't wait to begin each new day. Things that used to seem unimagineable before begin to happen, and others can't understand the blessings in your life. When you know Jesus the people you used to ignore now take center stage, the fallen world brings your heart pain and you seek to bring redemption, a soul saved brings your spirit joy and you long to celebrate the eternal.

When you change your life something happens to the old you. It's like no one can recognize you anymore, and you can't even recognize yourself. Things that used to define you are changed, and others can't figure out what happened. When you change your life something happens to the people around you, they begin to notice something is different and want to know what it is, you no longer have to tell others about Jesus because they begin to ask you.

When you become the Light of the World something happens to the old you. It's like you are set apart, and others are drawn to you. Things that become a daily part of your life are so different from how everyone else lives, and others want to know how you do it. When you become the Light of the World people are drawn to you like a moth to the flame, the difference you make in another's life is done before you even open your mouth to speak, they no longer see you but see Jesus Himself.

Loving the Terribleness of Toddlerhood

The other day, I posted about the toddler in me, and it really got me thinking about the comparison between my toddlers and myself. Immediately after having children there were warnings of the terrible two's and horrible three's, but the thing is, I love this age. Toddlers do everything out of emotion. If they feel it, they do it. If they want it, they take it. If they think it, they say it. In reality, aren't they doing exactly what we want to do? I'm not saying what they do is right. On the contrary, living out of the flesh is exactly what we as Christians are instructed not to do. So how does my children acting out in their flesh play such a huge roll in my parenting style and why do I love it so much?

I love it because as adults we have gotten so good at one thing: hiding our flaws. We hide them from the world and, most importantly, we hide them from ourselves. This is the complete opposite of my children, who don't care what other people think about them and don't have the slightest desire to try to hide anything from me. So how can I use this to my advantage? If I am paying attention to my children, listening to them when they speak, watching how they act and treat others, it doesn't take very long to figure out exactly what areas I need to work on with them. In fact, their honesty and inability to hide their feelings makes my job so much easier. Just this morning, I was able to take advantage of my son's honesty and use it to teach him a valuable lesson. As I was fixing my hair my three year old told me, "I don't want to go to church today. We have toys here at home." Oh how I wanted to say, I know exactly how you feel buddy (again recognizing the toddler in me too)! But I was able to recognize in his honesty a teachable moment. We spent the next minute or so (he's 3, so this did not go into a deep, theological discussion) talking about why we go to church, that it's not just about toys. We talked about learning about Jesus from our wonderful teachers, gathering with our friends to talk about Jesus together, and the importance of going to church so we can take some time to focus on solely God. And then I made sure I thanked him for being honest about his feelings, because oh how I love their honesty.

Whenever my children are acting in a way that toddlers do, testing the limits, standing their ground, being rude, you name it, it is always an opportunity for me to teach them something based on how they are acting in that moment. It's like a big neon sign pointing to exactly what I need to do. How could I not love that? I'm not saying it's not difficult. In fact, sometimes I want to pretend I didn't just hear what they said or ignore their actions so I can finish what I'm doing rather than having to "teach" my child a valuable lesson. The reason I love it is because the older they get the harder it will be for me to recognize what they need me to do to help teach them. In the exact same way that it has become harder for me to recognize my own short falls at times because I have gotten so good at covering it up, my children will also learn the art of masking their struggles.

The only difference between a toddler and an adult is our ability to act with self-control and responsibility. So, I will embrace these times of toddlerhood because the things that make it so "terrible" are the exact things that will help me effectively raise up my children to be self-controlled, responsible adults.  Like I said, the feelings we have as toddlers never really go away, so why not teach our children how to deal with them in the moment rather than leaving them to try to figure it out later?

Journey of James

I recently shared where I am in my Bible study, at a crossroads between the Word of God and the words of man. I shared my excitement with my newest Bible study and how I will be challenging myself to memorize the entire book of James along with women all over the country. So, here I go with my printed pages, my highlighter, and a mind ready to learn. I am giving myself five months to memorize it (give or take). That is a pace of one chapter a month. I chose the NASB version because I felt it was the easiest to speak and was still in keeping to the original text. Here is a quick comparison of translations. This month I will be memorizing chapter 1. I will go verse by verse, line by line. Feel free to join me if you want. I can't wait at the end of this journey to post myself reciting the entire book of James by heart!

James 1

Testing Your Faith

¹ James, a bond-servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad: Greetings.

² Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. ⁴ And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

⁵ But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, ⁸ being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

⁹ But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; ¹⁰ and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. ¹¹ For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.

¹² Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. ¹³ Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. ¹⁴ But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. ¹⁵ Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. ¹⁶ Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. ¹⁷ Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. ¹⁸ In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.

¹⁹ This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. ²¹ Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. ²² But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; ²⁴ for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. ²⁵ But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

²⁶ If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless. ²⁷ Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

The Toddler in Me

It took having kids of my own to be able to recognize some of my biggest flaws. The toddler that is in my head saying, "Mine, mine, mine" and the temper tantrums just fighting to get out. I guess the only difference between being an adult and being a toddler is not giving in to these feelings. If you pay attention you can see this inner toddler coming out in everyone. The teenage girl who argues with her mother over her wardrobe, the grandma who wants to have Thanksgiving at her house and do it exactly her way no matter what, the husband and wife who argue over what to do with the budget. The desire for control, the desire to do it our way, the desire to do it just because someone wants to do something else. It's something that is in us no matter how old we are. It's the same things I try to correct in my children on a daily basis that still try to come out in me. I try to remind them to put others ahead of themselves, to always share, to compromise when someone wants to play a different game than they do, to admit when they are wrong. Yet, here I am with the toddler in my head trying to go against everything I am teaching them. When something unexpected happens there I am wanting to throw a tantrum because they aren't going the way I want them to. When we need to use the money I've set aside for something special for an unforseen expense I want to stamp my feet and hold my breath just hoping that I can get my way and do what I want. I don't want to think about what's best for everyone else, I have my own ideas. I don't want to think about priorities, I just want to do what I want to do. Oh the little toddler in my head. Sometimes she'll make her way out, and I have to correct her and put her back in her place. Instead I have to remember to act with self-control, to be responsible, and to actually act out the things I teach my children everyday. No, the toddler in us never really goes away, it's too stubborn for that. But at least I can recognize when the toddler in me starts to come out and correct it.

Proverbs 29:11
A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back.

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

I Enjoy the Night

I enjoy the night...
I enjoy the quiet that comes when the sun goes down, the comfort when surrounded in darkness,
the sound of peacefully sleeping babies and a softly snoring husband.
I enjoy the privacy of being the only one awake, the feeling of being alone without having to be lonely,
the sense of being me and only me.
I enjoy the ability to let my mind wander, the peace of spending time alone in my own head,
the joy of listening to my thoughts uninterrupted.
I enjoy the closeness I can feel to everyone around me, the cloak of invisibility that surrounds me,
the secret way I can sneak from room to room to watch my babies sleep.
I enjoy the way I can forget the pain of the day, the hope of a new morning,
the escape into my dreams.
I enjoy the night, it's my favorite time of day...