Imperfect is the NEW Perfect

When I look at the women I surround myself with I am filled with awe, and sometimes a little bit of jealousy. I am so excited when they accomplish something new, then it makes me feel like maybe I'm not doing enough myself. How crazy is that! But we all do it. And it's time that we stop. It's time that we realize that we may be "imperfect" but since when is that a bad thing? How exciting would the world be if everyone was exactly the same? How great would our accomplishments truly be if everyone was doing the same thing?

At our Christmas party while we were bragging over my friends amazing athletic skills, she said, "but I'm not crafty..." We all laughed a little. We all know how that feels. I am making a handmade braided rug for my daughter, something everyone keeps fawning over, but all I think about is my friends who wake up at 5 every morning to go running. How they have completed marathons, triathlons, and have gym memberships. My husband and I build our own furniture, but I wish I had a sewing machine (and the desire to actually use it) when I see the beautiful clothes my friends make for their children. I can speak or sing in front of a room full of people without thinking twice, but I can't get past feeling like a bad mom when I give my kids fish sticks while my friends feed their children grass-fed beef with a side of organic fruits and veggies. I can't coupon, I can't crochet, and I get super cranky if I don't get 5 meals a day and at least 9 hours of sleep. I live my life to glorify God, to live according to His purpose for me, but sometimes I can't help but wonder "What if?" when I look through my friends' photos of their travel abroad. I can't help but wonder if my "ministry" is actually important when I have friends providing medical assistance to hundreds of hurting people all over the world. My life, when I compare these "failures" to my friends accomplishments, is pretty much going nowhere fast. At least, that's how it feels.

The problem with these comparisons are, they aren't comparisons at all. In fact, when my friends succeed it does not mean that I have failed just because I haven't done these things. Just because other moms do things a different way, it doesn't mean that I am doing it incorrectly. In fact, the way they do things really has nothing to do with me at all. I should be encouraging them to live up to their potential while realizing that it is completely separate from mine. I should not feel insignificant because of the significance in their lives. In fact, it should be encouraging to me, that my friends have done such great and wonderful things. Encouraging because it can be done, encouraging because they are doing it, encouraging because there is so much that I can learn from them. But I should never feel like these "imperfections" about me make me anything less than perfect. I should never feel like I have to be anything different than who I am just because they are not like me. We all have the power to do it, and that is enough! All of the other accomplishments along the way, are simply ways that God reminds us of our individual talents. Ways that God uses to further His Kingdom, to show off His  powers, to keep life interesting. He will show off just as much through a crafty stay-at-home mom as He will in a marathon runner. He will use the CEO the same as He will use the mom who has never held a corporate position a day in her life. He will use us all to change the world...but He can't use us if we're so caught up in what we "can't" do that we forget to do what we can. He can only use us when we realize that it is our imperfections that make us perfect to Him!

Today was one of those days...

It was one of those days that life didn't really make sense, when God's plan seemed "flawed", when I couldn't see the promise through the pain. When the tears flowed freely and the comfort didn't seem to come. Watching someone struggle, having absolutely nothing comforting to say, knowing that the fact that "God is in control" just doesn't really make the hurt go away. Knowing that it will take God's binding of these wounds in order for them to heal, and knowing that that takes a lot more than words. Knowing that the healing can only come through time, and that the knowledge may not come until we can ask our Creator face-to-face what His purpose was for our trials.

I'm reminded of those God loved in Scripture. Those He loved, yet turned over to trials. When, in Job 1:12, He gave Satan permission to do whatever he wanted to Job's possessions, just not to harm Job himself. Then after Satan had destroyed Job's riches, killed his children, again in Job 2:6 God turned Job's physical being over to Satan's hand with just the requirement that he not be killed (something that I'm sure would have actually come as a relief to Job while dealing with these trials). Job never turned from God. He cursed his own life, wishing he had never been born, he questioned why he was having to go through the trials that had been placed on him, Job even thought God had deserted him, but he still never turned from God. And in the end we learn that God had never deserted him either. For 37 chapters there is strife. Job is mocked, rebuked, humiliated by his "friends". God is questioned, made fun of, "tested" by those who had no understanding of Him. It wasn't until chapter 38 that God speaks. And we see in Job 42:10-17 that God blessed Job beyond his previous fortunes, and Job died an old man.

I can't imagine what the Scriptures would read about me if it were recording 37 chapters of my own personal trials. Trials in which I could not feel the warmth of God's love surrounding me. Trials in which there seems no good could ever come. To lose not only all of my possessions, but to lose my children to death, to have my spouse and my friends turn against me. To be turned over to a literal hell on earth, with Satan in control of what happens to me. It is these times when our understanding of God is lacking, when His plan is so beyond the realm of human reason, when we are forced to face our human limitations that it is hardest for our faith to be put into practice. These trials that force us to live the way God has called us, by faith, turning everything over to Him, dying to ourself daily, these trials that make us who God wants us to be. No matter how far we feel from Him at the time. No matter how desperately we cry out to be rescued, but instead feel like we have been abandoned. These chapters in our lives that reveal nothing but pain, sorrow, and desperation. Like the poem says, one day we will get to hear God utter the words, "I did not abandon you, it was then that I carried you." And, hopefully, He will celebrate with us how these trials have molded us. That we can here Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Heaven is for Real...for kids too!

I saw a post on The Better Mom today (make sure to check it out so you can enter their giveaway) about the new "Heaven is for Real for kids". It got me really excited! The book is based on the true story of a boy, Colton, who entered Heaven while undergoing surgery for a ruptured appendix. In the years that followed he began sharing some of his experience with his father, who is a pastor. He soon realized that their son had entered into Heaven. Colton shared experiences and details that coincided with scripture that he could not have possibly known at the tender young age of 4. This book was so profound to me, and I knew it would be a great tool to help teach my children about Heaven, so I am beyond excited that there is a version geared towards sharing this story with children! You can check out the book on Amazon to get a peek inside the pages of the book and to order your copy. This is a great gift for the holidays! In a world where our children are bombarded with the need to "prove" their beliefs, what greater encouragement of proof is there than a little boy who was able to experience Heaven. If you haven't read the adult's version make sure to order your copy as well!


For those of you who did read the book, I hope you shared with me the excitement of Colton's revelation of Jesus. When showed portraits of Jesus, he just kept saying, "It's not right." Then, after coming across the Prince of Peace portrait of Jesus he stated, "That one's right." The exciting thing about his revelation was not just that he provides us with a "visual picture" of what Jesus truly looks like, but that the portrait was drawn by 8 year old Akaine Kramarick. She is a child prodigy, literally amazing, but the great thing about her work is her testimony. She was growing up in a home with an atheist mother and a "lapsed" Catholic father when, at the age of 4, she began writing poetry and producing art based on "divinely inspired visions". The best thing was that this portrait also bore strong resemblance to the Shroud of Turin presented in the History Channel's production of "The Real Face of Jesus". This was a 3D representation of an image taken from what is believed to be the burial clothes of Jesus. Skeptical, intrigued, however you may feel about it, there is no denying that it's exciting.

Akiane's Portrait of Jesus
Colton said this one's "right."

On another blog discussing this topic I came across this comment I had to share. Thank you, Joe Campanini, for your wonderful testimony!

On July 23 2009 I broke my neck in a swimming accident of the coast of New Jersey, I was slammed to the sand by a wave and knocked unconcsience, my lungs were full of sand/water and debris…my 12 year old son who I was boogie boarding with noticed my board but did not realize I was attached to it, he acted quickly and pulled me out by my feet, the first responder was an orthapedic surgeon, I was in a coma for 6 days…the reason I’m writing this is I have described in great detail of a man coming in my room, I was on my left side but felt his presence as he entered, I turned to see him and he responded…I saved your life…I put out my hand to thank him but never felt it…I will never forget his face and have described it in great detail to many people….I have never seen Akiane’s portrait of Jesus, but when I opened it I fell to my knees and began to cry…………

Where is Your God?

Psalm 42

¹ As the deer longs for streams of water,

so I long for you, O God.

² I thirst for God, the living God.

When can I go and stand before him?

³ Day and night I have only tears for food,

while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,

“Where is this God of yours?”

⁴ My heart is breaking

as I remember how it used to be:

I walked among the crowds of worshipers,

leading a great procession to the house of God,

singing for joy and giving thanks

amid the sound of a great celebration!

⁵ Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and ⁶ my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
⁷ I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
⁸ But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

⁹ “O God my rock,” I cry,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?”
¹⁰ Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

¹¹ Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

All I want for Christmas...

Is a kind word from a stranger. I don't think it's too much to ask. In fact, it's the comments of strangers that led to my first post. The attitude that I'm crazy for taking on parenting, for loving it, for feeling blessed to have three children under three. The comments were hurtful enough, but the sheer amount was what really hurts my heart. I never realized how widespread in our society the "parenting is so hard" mindset truly was. Am I saying parenting is a piece of cake? No. But like I stated in that first post, when did we get to the point that we figured only a few "supermoms" can actually enjoy parenting and do it well? When did we forget that God has called us and equipped us to handle every situation we face as mothers? Why are we so quick to complain about parenthood rather than to celebrate it?

When I go out with my children, it is for the most part an enjoyable experience. I mean, we have our days...missed nap times, bad attitudes, not feeling well...but 99% of the time we are laughing, smiling, truly enjoying each other. So to have our nice time together interrupted by strangers who feel the need to comment on "how full" my hands are, how I "need a hobby" (apparently if you have 3 children all you do is, well, you know...), "how crazy" people think I am. Based on the comments I receive it's apparent that people believe my decision to have my children (to have so many, and to have them close together) is selfish, I should be miserable, and I am just setting myself up for failure. And it's not just me. It's a common thing for my friends to be at the receiving end of these comments as well. A woman told me friend, in front of her children, "how sorry" she was that they were all hers (well, she whispered it so I guess she felt  that made it ok.) And do not get me started on comments made about my friends who have adopted or biracial children. All of us have anywhere from 2-4 children. Hardly a large number, in fact a pretty normal number in my opinion. Let's change this. Let's change this parenthood attitude. We obviously cannot change other people's opinions on how our family should look, but we can pass on to others how much we love our families. We can encourage each other, and hopefully one day these discouraging words will be the ones that are few and far between rather than the good ones. When we see a mother in the store with her children, to share an encouraging word with her, rather than to make these comments that imply she should be embarrassed or miserable in her current situation. Obviously, I know these judgemental comments and sideways glances aren't going to go away, but it would be nice if I would get a "You must have so much fun with your children" or "Your family is so blessed" while I'm out with my family more often than getting the negative comments. I don't ever want my children to believe that I feel the same way about them as these strangers. I want them to know that they are not a burden. That I don't just view them as hard work. I want them to know they are loved, cherished, and pretty darn great. It would be nice if they were made to think I'm not the only one who feels this way! How wonderful if my children could grow up in a society that valued them as much as I do.

Despite all of the negativity, I've had those special moments, when people have said something encouraging to me. When my children are screaming in line for candy and I tell them no. To have a fellow mother say, "You're doing a good job." Rather than giving me a pitiful look or telling me to "just give it to them." The time a lady who had 5 children purposefully came across the restaurant to tell me to "Enjoy them because they are such great blessings." Today, to have one of those horrible moments after my 3 and 2 year old held the door open for a lady with a walker. Her daughter (who was a fully grown woman) instead of making a comment about how sweet my children were, looked at my baby in the carrier then at my older two and says, "You finally got your boy. Congratulations on that one." The fact that my older son (who has long hair) was wearing all blue escaped her I guess. But even if Kason were my first boy, why would I be more grateful for him? And why was this the comment she felt was the most important thing to tell me at the time? After that, to be so discouraged yet again, only to have a sweet women tell me a little later on, how "precious my family was, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed I am." That comment turned my yet again defeated attitude into one of hope and joy. Because I do hope that people see the love and happiness I feel for my family. I pray that we will look for opportunities to encourage other mothers, and I pray that we will never be a source of hurt or anger to them. I pray that, one day, a kind word from a stranger will be commonplace rather than the exception. And that is what I want for Christmas.

December 5-9 Link Up

This week my posts will be linked up with Hidden Treasures for her "Treasured Traditions" Christmas Blog Party! Fellow bloggers come join us and even if you don't have a blog you can still come read the awesome posts from other ladies about Recipes, Activities, Decorations, Traditions, and Gifts! Merry Blogging!

The Gift of Excess

While recently trying to think of activities for my families Advent, I had a strange revelation. I mean, I guess it's not strange to think about using the excess we've been blessed with to bless others, but it was the item that kind of took me off guard. It was a bag full of Halloween candy. I don't know if your family goes trick or treating or not, but this was our first year taking our kids. By the end of the night my daughter's bag was bigger than she was, my son had decided he didn't even want to get any more, and I was just trying to get us back home without adding any more to their huge stockpile! It was pretty hard since in our neighborhood we don't go door to door, but everyone has a table set up at the end of their driveway and we were constantly bombarded by friendly, well-meaning neighbors and their gifts of sweets. So we ended up with enough candy to hand out to the entire neighborhood next year and still have some left-over! This is excess that I know a lot of kids would love, so I decided to use it. My kids and I are going to fill little stockings with our excess candy bars and sweet tarts and bring it to the local children's shelter for the other kids to enjoy. I mean, what kid doesn't love candy? It's such an inexpensive way for my kids to learn how to give to others, and I'm all about cutting back on our waste.

We all have those things lying around our house that we really don't want to get rid so they just sit there. Or we just have too much of a good thing.  My husband and I build furniture, and in our recent arts and crafts fair had a bunch of stuff left over. It would be great to sell everything that we made, I mean with only one salary (and a teacher's salary at that) extra money is more of a necessity than actual "extra". But God has really been speaking to my heart about tithes and offerings. We give our tithe, but even that is sacrificial giving for us. There's just really not anything left over in the budget for offerings. But God has spoken to me that we are blessed with so many other things to offer up to Him. That the excess in our lives He has given us, even though not monetary gifts, can be used to bless others. The furniture from our arts and crafts show I've been wanting to sell, or the things I have around the house that I was planning on putting in a garage sale, or even the extra time I have during the day since I stay home with my children, all of these things are gifts of excess that God wants me to use for His Kingdom. So this year instead of storing our little left-over items from the fair they are being given out as gifts to friends. Our church has been working in our community with a large group of refugees from all over the world, so the furniture that we built or that we no longer need is going to be donated to the refugee families.

I know of 3 families in the past few months (one just right down the road) who have lost their homes to fire. This got me thinking about just how much I actually have and wondering what it is I can do to help them recover from such a profound loss. Instead of seeing my things of excess as "mine" or even as "dollar signs" for my family, I will start looking at them as ways to bless others. What are some things of excess that you have been blessed with, even if it's not monetary? What are some ways you can use these things to bless others and to impact the kingdom?

Gift of Music

Today I got to cross something off of my bucket list...singing with a group that I have loved since middle school! OK, so it wasn't on my bucket list because A) I don't have a bucket list and B) I never really would have thought that I was going to sing with a Grammy nominated, 2 time Dove Award winning group. Amy Richardson was just too precious with her cute baby bump and her great sense of humor when she signed my cd (making sure she gave me "proof" that I actually sang with them). I think it was really my dream that came true today rather than hers! They are awesome, they are down to Earth, and they are changing the world with their music. Today I got to be a part of that, and that was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received!

Family of Traditions...The Start of our Advent

Traditions are one of the most important gifts we can give to our children. One thing that became important to me when I had kids was making family traditions with them. I don't know why it was important to me, I didn't really grow up in a family with many traditions of our own. In fact, the only tradition we had was going to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas day. I just desperately wanted my children to have full memories of our time together as a family. I want them to tell their children and grand children about us, I want to somehow knit our family into the fabric of our future lineage. I want my children to love the things we did as a family so much that they want to do the same with their own families someday. I selfishly want to be that family member that is talked about for generations. So in an effort to inspire our kids, to teach them that there is so much more to Christmas than just getting gifts, we started our newest tradition, the Advent. Here it is!

Like I said in my recent post, I have been looking into the Advent for a couple of years now. Trying to figure out how I wanted to do it. My hubby and I decided last year we wanted to build a house for the kids when we couldn't really find one we liked. Plus building for us is an act of love. To put the time and energy into making something just for them. I make a homemade birthday cake for them every year, and it's the only tradition I'm adamant about, so I guess making them a homemade Advent house is pretty typical for me. Also typical for me is going a little bit over board! Here's the proof...

Trying to decide what to do for our Advent activities was the hardest part! My problem is seeing all of the wonderful ideas other people do with their families and I want to do it ALL. So I decided that I would do it all...at least a little bit of everything. My heart's desire is for my children to be well-rounded in all areas of their lives and that includes the holidays. I want them to have fun, but to know that the meaning of Christmas is not about what presents they receive but is instead about the ultimate gift. I want them to know that we cannot afford to get them everything they want, but that the amount of money we spend is not a reflection of how blessed you are or how much you are loved. And, finally, I want them to understand that compared to many others just how blessed we really are. That compared to society's standards we may be lacking, but compared to the world's standards our lives are overflowing with great abundance. But I don't want them to learn these things from a lecture, I want them to learn these things through example, through action, through seeing it first-hand. So that's why I decided to combine the 3 ways to reinvent the Advent (the fun of arts and crafts, the art of learning to serve, and learning the true meaning of Christmas) into one. Each day when they open the door they will see a little gift. A tiny ornament for their own little tree. On the door is also a note with something for us to do that day. It will either be a Bible verse to talk about the true meaning of Christmas, a craft for us to do that day, or a way for us to serve others. Just a little something that they can learn from and, most importantly, that we can do together!



The excitement about our Advent is already building! My 3 year old told me that he is going to sit here until his daddy comes home and we can do our house. I am so excited about getting my children excited about anything, but especially about spending some quality time with family. I know that all too soon they will rather spend their time with influences other that us, and when the time comes I want these little things to be ingrained into their hearts and minds. What are some traditons you enjoyed growing up? Even something as simple as my family's movie night. What are some traditions that you are beginning with your own family and hope your children love enough to carry on?

Gift of Time

Three years ago, my precious niece was diagnosed with ALL (lukemia) right after Christmas. Although we almost lost her several times along the way, she managed to pull through and is now in remission, done with treatment, and trying to start her life as normally as possible for as long as she has. Even though she has a good outcome for now, many we met along the way were not as lucky. If there's one thing we learned, it's that you just make the best with what you have. It's something we should be doing anyway, but when you have a "limit" put on the time you have left it seems a lot easier to truly focus on the important things. No matter how little or how much time we have left, it's never too soon and it's never too late to live a fullfilling life. There's never too little time left to make a difference, to change a life, to live with purpose. And there's no such thing as too much time. Time is the greatest gift we have been given, what are we teaching our children to do with it?

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Reinventing the Advent

The only thing I knew of the Advent (from the Latin word meaning "coming") growing up was that you get a little gift each day counting down to the really big gift you get on Christmas. Well, that's all really fun, but I think the last thing we need is another way to focus on what it is we are getting for Christmas. Now, don't get me wrong, my hubby and I just built our kids a wonderful advent house and we will be doing it with the kids every day. They will get a small ornament each day to decorate their tree to help them count down to Christmas. There is nothing wrong with giving gifts on Christmas. In fact giving is a very important thing to teach our children. And getting gifts is fun too. It makes us feel special, it makes us feel loved, it makes us feel appreciated. But what are we doing beyond that? Are we taking advantage of the holidays to make family memories, teach our kids about serving others, and remembering the true meaning of the holidays? Here are some great ideas I've found to incorporate into your holiday season to help focus on something other than just how many gifts we will get. For each of these you can use the traditional advent house or calendar or just make a paper chain with the information written on each link (one of my personal favorites). You can search Pinterest for some really fun and different ideas on how to make your own advent.

The Arts and Crafts Advent. This is a really fun way to make memories together (and is great for finding things to do while your kids are out of school). Pinterest, again, is a perfect resource for activities to do with your kids! Find my follow me on pinterest button on my left sidebar to check out my boards for ideas. Pick a craft to do each day leading up to Christmas. Your kids will love it, and you will enjoy the purposeful time spent together.

The Service Advent. Your kids are never too young to learn to put others before themselves. Whenever I think of families serving together, I picture them lined up in hair nets serving at a food kitchen. A great idea, but there are so many other options. And I'm sure there's some you can find that will be much more appealing to your children. It's not about forcing them to serve, it's about getting them to want to serve others and teaching them how to do it. Have them pick out a few of their own toys, books, or clothing to donate (Hint: make sure it's not just a throw-away they don't want anymore. Ask how they would feel if someone gave it to them.) and have them pick out a few new toys to bring to a children's shelter. Get them involved in canned food drives. Have them save up some change from their allowance or pay them to do little things around the house and have them drop it into the Salvation Army buckets in front of stores or into the offering plate at church. Help your kids make handmade cards and letters to deliver to a local nursing home or the elderly members of your church. Fill a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child. Once you start thinking of ideas, you'll realize just how much there really is you can do. Get your kids' friends involved too so your family can serve side-by-side with another family you have grown close to.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season Advent. We say that Jesus is the reason for the season, but are we really teaching it? Since Christmas is focused on Christ's birth it is an excellent time to teach your kids about things you maybe wouldn't know how to bring up during the year. Make a scripture chain with verses for your children to memorize. Do links with the story of Jesus's birth beginning when the angel told Mary she was pregnant. Put the Roman road on links. Or do a chain that studies the different names of God. There are tons of great ways to do this! This is a post I found a few years ago that has a great advent chain for learning the true meaning of the season through scripture. Or you can make advent ornaments as you study the names of God together like this mom did. And this is a great nativity story chain for your younger children (begins on Dec 11 rather than the first). There's not a lot of detail and it's very simplified so it's perfect for those first few years of teaching.

If you search you can find many, many, many other ideas! Way too many for me to post. Tomorrow is Dec 1! So get your Advent ready and begin a wonderful new tradition of playing, serving, and learning with your family. I, honestly, think the best advent is a combination of all 3 of these. I can't wait to begin this journey with my own family!

The Beauty of Darkness

There's a reason evil lurks around in dark places. Pretending it's beautiful, masquerading as perfection, a promise of greener pastures. Wishful thinking, regret, what-ifs. Mocking, luring, destroying. We hold these secrets inside. Guarding them in the core of our being, protecting them as if our life depends on it. Reveling in the beauty, the seduction, the raw emotion. Oh, how beautiful these inner secrets seem. How precious to our sense of being. We become lured in and entangled, and we like it there. The way these secrets feel, the tingle up our spine, the promises they make. Oh, but these secrets, these beautiful, wonderful, glorious secrets that we curl ourselves up in, once exposed to the light are nothing but ugly, dirty, worthless lies. The way others feel about us that serve as our motivation. The secret pain in our hearts, the lust of the flesh, the burning anger. The wounds that we peel open, the desires that we seek, the flames that we fan. We keep them in the dark, because they are beautiful there. We hide them as far from the light as we can because we know, we fear, that once they are brought into the light they will be revealed for what they truly are. Brick walls built up around our hearts, chains enslaving us to another, a passionate fire destroying us from inside our own selves. Yes, it is beautiful, but only in darkness. Once exposed, we can try to pretend, but we know the truth. We can try to cover up, but it has been revealed. We can try to get the feelings back, but the excitement is lost. There is beauty is the dark, but only true beauty can survive when brought into the light. And the ugly is only uncovered once we recognize the darkness it's been hiding in. The truth that it hides behind. The true joy and pleasure that awaits us, rather than the un-fullfillment, the hunger that these secrets will bring. The ultimate lie that hides in the darkness so well, that there's really no beauty there at all.

These are a few of my favorite things...MUSIC

O Holy Night

Mary, Did You Know?

I Wonder As I Wander

It's Here, It's Here, It's Finally Here!

The countdown is on! Thanksgiving is over, so that means it is finally time to turn on the Christmas music, break out the decorations, and finish up all my holiday crafts! Although Christmas music at my house is kept to a minimum because I am such a bah-humbug about too many carols, don't ask me why because I have no idea. There is one thing that definitely gets me in the spirit...crafts!!! I mean, have you seem my "Amish at Heart" page? Come on, y'all, this is what I do! So, my project list is growing to enormous lengths, I have 5 days to finish the advent house I am building for the kids, and I am going to brave into making our Christmas ornaments this year (oh yes, I'm going to go there). And there will be no paper chains and posicle sticks (ok, there might actually be some paper chains). Confession time, I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I mean, hand painting for someone as OCD as I am has been a trial in and of itself, and it requires every ounce of strength to make myself love the not-so-perfect outcome of projects I pour hours into. Plus, I have expensive taste on the budget of a stay-at-home mom wife of a teacher, and I refuse to settle for less than what I want (why do you think we started building our own furniture anyway?) So here is my attempt to make Pottery Barn beautifulness and spend as close to nothing as possible. Pictures will be coming soon, but in the mean time check out this great free e-book  Handmade Holiday Decor at The Handmade Home! There's something in there for everyone, and I'm sure it will help to get you in the crafting mood!

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The Not-So-Perfect Life

God's sense of humor, or rather irony, seems to be a pretty on-going theme in the story of my life. His constant little "tests" to see if I'm going to practice what I preach. OK, so maybe that's not God, maybe that's just life doing what life does while God is preparing me for it, but doesn't it seem like every time you try so hard to master something, every little thing is going to start going wrong? I've been trying to "master" the art of Thanksgiving over the past 25 days, to truly be thankful for the hard things in my life. To pour the fruits of the Spirit into everything I do rather than living through my own strength. Well, the past 24 hours have been just one test after another (hopefully, I passed more than I failed, although I know there were times I could have done better...but, hey, I'm a work in progress!) It was one of those times when I could almost feel God's eyes on me, wondering "Is she going to have a pity party, or is she going to put into practice everything she preaches?"

I think the quote "Life's what happens when we're busy making plans" perfectly describes my Thanksgiving this year. While I had everything all planned out a certain way, while I had my ideas of how to make this Thanksgiving successful, life had other ideas. I've had an on-going migraine for 4 days now. We've had a difficult time juggling family schedules this year and, of course, no matter how hard you try someone's feelings get hurt. My house is a disaster zone and none of our projects have been finished. And, on the children front, my oldest got a stomach virus, while my daughter began having nightmares, and my baby is going through a growth spurt. All of this is a recipe for disaster for me. Not feeling well + already feeling like things are just not working out + a not-so-inviting and increasingly stressful environment + dealing with sick, cranky, non-sleeping children = perfect opportunity for me to completely lose it. Thankfully, I feel like God has been preparing me for this moment. From learning how to parent in the Spirit, to my gentleness and wife challenges, to learning the art of being truly thankful, everything God has been speaking to my heart is what helped me make it through this week with my sanity still intact. So, even when (or maybe I should say "especially when") things seem to be going perfectly in my life, I know that right around the corner are those not-so-perfect moments just waiting for the perfect time to ambush me and it's normally all at once. Luckily for us, as Christians, we are prepared, we can handle it, and we can make it through these times. And even though this Thanksgiving is probably the "worst" when I look at it from a situational standpoint, it has been the Thanksgiving of the most learning, the most growth, and the most opportunity for growing together as a family.

A Close to a Wonderful Thanksgiving

At the close of the day, I am so thankful for such a Gracious Thanksgiving. For the ability to bring to God an offering of thanks for the hard things and for the hardest thing. Now I will continue on my Journey to 1,000 things because Thanksgiving is not just about the season. I will continue until I reach 1,000 and then I will continue on to one million. I will continue to live my life thankful in everything because He gave His everything for me.

"When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were an offering far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all."

Thankful for the Hardest Thing

I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands.
For you are who you are, no matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried, you hold in your hands, and though
my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm.

We all have our testimonies, the things in life God has used to glorify Him. Some are triumphs, some are trials. Some are amazing blessings, but some come with unfathomable heartbreak. Today, on Thanksgiving, I praise God for the hardest thing: Tragedy. For the life taken before it really had a chance to begin. For a little boy, who glorified God more in his death than most ever will in a lifetime. In these moments when we cry out "Why?" but already know the answer.

My friend lost her firstborn son, Scout Russell Secrist, 3 days before her due date. Delivering him still on December 26, 2008. A beautiful life that some would consider lost, but that we know was purposed for the Kingdom. Jesus holds this little boy, loving him perfectly, until his mommy and daddy can finally hold him again and see his beautiful smiling face. And because of this little boy many new souls will enter into the throne room of God. Scout, I am so thankful for you, for your testimony, for the hope you brought to so many. I am thankful that in time of such devestation God showed up, God healed lives, and God brought life even through death.

Praise God for restoration, for healing, for life continued.
Rusty and Katye with their beautiful family,
Scout's loving siblings, Deacon and Charli Kate.

Half way to 1,000 things...journeying to one million

Thankful for the Hard Things

This Thanksgiving I challenged myself to truly think about what I am thankful for. For 25 days, to journal as many things as I can hoping to reach 250 things on my journey to 1,000, until I reached the point where I was truly thankful in all things. Along the way, I realized how awkward I felt lifting everything up to God, but found such freedom in the worship that came with vocalizing, journaling, and bringing all of my circumstances to the Lord in thanksgiving. I reached a point where giving thanks in even the hard things became more natural, where I learned to give thanks for the most precious gift God had given me but I had never brought before Him. And today, on Thanksgiving Eve, in preparation for my 25th Day, I will thank God for the one of my hardest things: Autism.

The journey through diagnosis and healing has not been an easy one, but who am I to be thankful for only the easy things? Who am I to discount the power, the testimony, the beauty, that comes from the trials? Who am I to tell God that when he created my beautiful baby boy that He made a mistake? In fact, if there's one thing I learned through this journey it's the perfection in His plan, including autism. If ever I was given the choice to change my son into the world's version of "perfect" I would not think twice. I would not think twice because the answer would be, "no." Why would I want to change who my son is? Just because it is difficult? Just because he's not "normal"? Why would I change the perfection that is my autistic son, just because the world does not see him as perfect?

Autism is the reason I love my son.  I do not love him in spite of his autism, I love him because of it. I love his Independence, his "engineer" mind, his quirks. Is it hard when he doesn't make eye contact, when he tries to hurt himself or others, when he didn't speak for the first 18 months of his life? Yes, but every parent deals with difficult behavior, does it mean they love their child any less?  Why would his behavior effect my feelings for him? Why would his autism make me love him any less? In fact, the things I love about him the most, the things that make him unique, are all attributes of his diagnosis. I love how he took my double stroller apart and I couldn't put it back together (what 2 year old knows how to successfully use a screw driver?) I love how he has such a teacher's spirit, spurred on by his therapies. I love everything about this little boy and everything he has brought to my life.
So today, as I thank God for the hard things, I will thank God especially for my son, for autism, for God's perfection brought to us in imperfect packages.

Gracious Thanksgiving

Sunday as we did communion I was amazingly caught up in the moment. I always associate Christ's death with Easter, but remember the joyous resurrection. I don't know if I have ever actually lingered very long on thoughts of Christ's death. I do remember watching the "Passion of the Christ" and while He was hanging on the cross begging Him not to do it, begging Him to show His power, to come off of the cross, to not let the bad guys "win". Obviously, His death was the only way there could be true victory, but as I ate the cracker and drank the juice I was caught up in what His death meant in terms of Thanksgiving. His death is the reason why I can be thankful, the reason there is hope. Because of His grace I can be grateful. So this Thanksgiving, I will add to my list of 1,000 a few things that I have never found myself thanking God for...

I am eternally thankful for Jesus's body being broken for me,

for His humiliation,

for the pain and torment He had to suffer,

for His blood that was spilled with no regret,

for His flesh torn with such hatred from His bones,

for the holes pierced into His body,

for the sheer pain God faced as His beloved son, the flesh of Himself, was killed,

for the heart that had sacrificed to become man,

for the heart that was forced to stop beating all because of me,

for the victory that was won that day,

for the hope His death brings,

for the purpose rather than worthlessness He has given me,

for the joyous resurrection,

for the love He has for me even though it is I who forced Him onto the cross, that it was I who forced Him to die,

for His abundant grace,

for His gracious provision so that I can be gracious to others,

for the gratitude He has brought to my life,

for sacrificial love,

for everyday reminders,

for the God of the Universe to think more of me than He does Himself.