When is Trust not Enough...

What is the #1 thing we value most with our relationships? The one thing that, if it were to be compromised, would cause the most damage? If I were to take a poll I'm positive the overwhelming majority would answer TRUST. A marriage torn apart by poor decisions cannot be repaired until trust is restored. Feeling damaged by harmful words said by someone we thought we could share our hearts with, friendships lost, all because we have lost the ability to trust. So how can we expect to have a fullfilling relationship with our Heavenly Father if we do not trust Him? How can we claim to be believers if we try to take our lives into our own hands because we don't trust the God of Creation to do it for us? If we trust ourselves and other men, but not God, who do we really worship?

What reason do we have not to trust God with our future? It reminds me of God's plan for my own family. With endometriosis I was told my junior year of high school that it may be difficult for me to conceive or carry a child. When we were married we immediately wanted a family, but didn't believe it would happen any time soon. However, 3 months later we found out we were pregnant with our precious Maddox. At my first appointment we discovered I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. Praise God for this pregnancy because that was what brought this to light (I honestly don't know if I would have gone in for a routine pap smear anytime soon had it not been for the pregnancy. I was only 21 and had no reason to even think about cervical cancer.) I was very concerned about what this meant for the future, but praise God the cells were completely flushed from my body with the delivery of my precious baby boy and I have had negative pap results for the past 3 years! After the birth of our daughter I began having serious pain that we felt was related to the endometriosis. After a procedure, it was revealed that I have a prolapsed uterus. She told me I may be able to still carry a child, but because of the severe pain I needed to have a hysterectomy as soon as we made a decision. I was so thankful for the precious blessings of my son and my daughter and was completely satisfied with my life. I was put on the strongest birth control available as we discussed what we were going to do. I decided it was best for my children if I had the procedure so I wouldn't have to miss out on their lives because of the pain. I had called my doctor to schedule an appointment to talk about having a hysterectomy, but it turns out I really needed an appointment to check on our newest precious life. During the first trimester with Kason I began having severe bleeding, and they found placental lakes (where the placenta had attached to my uterus). It was a very scary first 20 weeks. Every night I would sit in the shower and cry out to God. This meant I would need a cesarean hysterectomy, which I wasn't scared of since I had already mentally prepared myself for a hysterectomy before, but it also meant there would be a chance of significant bleeding for me and my life would be at risk. With 2 children it's hard not to think that I may have only had 9 more months to spend with them. Miraculously (after already having 5 separate ultrasounds to check on the placenta issues) my 20 week ultrasound was clear. The placental lakes were gone! This is not something that happens. It was a completely mind-boggling moment for me. I was finally able to breathe and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy delivering a healthy baby boy the way I had wanted with no surgery and an in-tact uterus. She even checked my uterus after delivery and said everything felt great as far as prolapse goes and I have had no further pain...With such strong evidence of God's power and provision how can I NOT trust Him?

The Duggar's announcement of a 20th child has stirred up a righteous fire in me. I am heartbroken to hear Christians say leaving their family in God's hands is "selfish", a "cop-out", "a way to keep from making hard decisions", "irresponsible", and on, and on, and on. Well, I say to them, what makes you think you know better than God? Where in the Bible does it say God needs our help in making His decisions? God places personal convictions in every one's life. Frankly, the only irresponsible thing in NOT putting EVERY decision in God's hands. The only selfish thing is chosing Our way over GOD'S way. And who are we to tell someone they are being "irresponsible" for following the call God has placed on their life. How can we have any sort of relationship with God if we don't TRUST in Him and instead we continue to rely on ourselves?