Prayer from an aching heart

OH GOD
The emptiness that the world leaves us is sometimes unbearable.
We try to be strong and to make it through intact, but the wounds, the scars, the brokenness that gets left behind is just a constant reminder of how weak we truly are.

God, we want to believe this world will be easy, or at the very least manageable.

We pray that the joy we feel in you would help us overcome all things.

But sometimes it is just too much. Too much loss, too much pain, too much loneliness.

Too much for me to carry, too much for me to understand, too much for me to want to take upon myself.

God, YOU DO IT. Do it all, carry it all, understand it all for me, TAKE IT ALL.

Bind these wounds that they may heal. Remove my scars. Stop the bleeding in my aching heart.

Lord, cover me, heal me, LOVE ME.

Catch my tears in your open hands, stop the shaking in my restless spirit, speak quietly to me. 

Let me feel you, draw close to me as I seek after You, cover me in your strength, complete yourself in my weakness.

Let me be a light shining in the darkness. Let that light burn brighter in the troubled times.

At the end, when looking back on my life, allow me to be able to look back in pride that I was able to handle myself with grace and dignity. God allow me to see only You when I look back on myself.

We praise you for the storm, we love you for the trying times, we seek you in the darkness.

Help us through, WE FOLLOW YOU COME WHAT MAY.

When You Wish Upon A Star...

...makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you. I can't help but sing this song when I think of my journey. I can't help but think of all those times I was, in effect, wishing on a star to try to get my wish granted. I was wishing on a star, rather than praying to God to guide me where He wanted me to go. I tried for so long to find my niche, to fulfill my calling. It has taken many failures, many successes, many, many bumps in the road for me to realize that there is no such thing as a "niche" when it comes to ministry. I guess I should have figured it out logically a long time ago. If God doesn't fit into a box, how could I expect my life to? If God works in ways beyond our comprehension, why would I believe that the path would be perfectly laid out and clear for me to see? Every one's calling is different, because every person is different. The comparison between one ministry, one calling, and another is completely invalid. God is God no matter what I am doing for Him, and every single thing I do, whether success or failure, is all done through His plan and His purpose and not of my own.

God calls me to do whatever I can for Him, wherever I am, whenever it is required. A missionary serving a lost people group, a teacher working with at-risk children, a youth minister, a mother. Large groups, small groups, no groups at all. There is a calling in each thing we do. Jesus didn't live his life confined by the box of ministry. In fact, I would argue that He didn't really have a "ministry" at all. He just had a life. He did what He was called to do wherever He went no matter what others thought about it. He lived His life regardless of the numbers of His followers, the reactions of others, or expectations of the church at that time. He lived the way He lived not because of anyone else, and because of it others were changed. Isn't that the ultimate call on our life, to just live? To live with such passion, such purpose, such perspective that others cannot help but notice? So, here I am. I am continuing on this journey to unknown places. Just within a span of three months I have learned this journey is not going to go where I expected it. I'm certainly not naive enough to believe it will change course and begin heading in that direction anytime soon. So I will continue to move where I am led, although this time I will follow the Son rather than chasing after the stars.

I'm Not Perfect...Thus I Blog...

I mean, I think that is rather obvious don't you! There is nothing about me that is "super" and there is nothing that I do that you can't do yourself. This blog is really more of a "personal journal" that I hoped God would use to encourage women. I say it's a personal journal because every post, every verse, every topic is all about me and where I am. My struggles, my successes, what God has spoken to me. I still have to act on everything I write. Just because I know it's the truth and I know it's what's right, doesn't mean I always do it either. But one thing I've learned these past few years, and especially these past few months, is how God can use my imperfections for His glory. Here's a little overview of what God has actually taught me through my own blog, or, rather, what He has taught me because I made the decision to be obedient to Him when I started this blog and was willing to share His message instead of my own.

I was going to share the regular stuff. My family, breastfeeding information, activities for the kids. Usual, "boring" stuff. I wrote up a few posts, including one that dealt with the Bible Study I was in (Beth Moore's Fruits of the Spirit study) and shared it with some friends. They thought it was great, so I decided to go ahead and post it, figuring maybe, maybe, 50 people would read it. I started with the post about my Bible Study. Let's just say the reaction was less than welcoming. The details are not important, but it got very, very messy. Add to that I was silently dealing with a miscarriage while trying to take care of a three month old and two toddlers. I thought I had made a mistake, bitten off more than I could chew, strayed from the "purpose" God had called me to. But in the midst of it all God spoke. In the middle of the storm, God came to me and held me. He didn't calm the storm (in fact, it raged for months, and has only recently calmed to a light drizzle), but He calmed me, and He used this trial to teach me more about myself, more about my ministry, more about others than ever before. So now, even though my blog isn't full of the information I thought it would be, even though it isn't as "fun" or as "me", I realized that God wanted to do something even better with it. Even if at the time it didn't feel like it was what was better for me. I don't know if I would have learned these things about myself if I had stuck to my original plans for the blog. I would not have met the amazing women that I have in the process and received such encouragement from them. I would not have learned who my true friends are. I wouldn't have discovered so much about my own personal beliefs. I know for a fact that I would not have been able to touch so many people's lives with my posts. But God can...and He did...

I have most recently learned not to compare myself to others. That my worth is not dependant on how it relates to someone else's greatness or how I am viewed by others. Which is really great because I fail every day in so many different areas. I can do a lot of things, but I can't do it all. And those areas that I struggle in can so easily become stumbling blocks for me. Luckily I can take my struggles and turn them into encouragement. I am messy (seriously, take a look at the before picture!) I struggle with being a good wife, I struggle with being gentle, I have my own mommy confessions. I have a hard time saying yes to my kids. I live a not-so-perfect life. But I can also overcome the mess, I can work on using gentleness, I can be a YES mom. I know it sounds so easy when I put it that way, but it is a daily journey becoming who it is that God has called me to be, the good thing is I can do it. The good thing is I am made perfect in Christ and God is working me towards that perfection every single day.

I know, there are a TON of links in this post (click on the red wording to open a link related to that phrase)! I don't expect you to be able to read all of them (although I wish you would). Just think of this as my year in review! I wanted to make sure I put the links in to make sure you knew exactly what I was talking about. Hopefully, you can get to know me a little better. To be able to see my heart. I pray that God reveals and works in you the same as He did in me through this blog so far! So, let's continue our journey together as I take a little glimpse into the future...

My Journey: Our Engagement

Praise God we made it to a new year (well, hopefully, since I'm writing this in early December and I guess there's still no guarantees)! BUT if we are reading this we made it to a new year! Our engagement story was not glamorous like I had always pictured it (I may have watched one too many cheesy 90's love stories, but I refuse to admit it), and it took several conversations with my hubby to really get him to share all the details about why he proposed the way he did. But, when I look back, it was perfect. It was cute and thoughtful and personal, just what a proposal should be. It was a perfect representation of who my husband is, and what he wanted our life together to be about. And, well, it reminds me where we were in our relationship at the time and how far we've come when I think about it. Plus, I got a pretty gorgeous man (and ring) out of the deal...

We had gone shopping for rings several months before. I am not one of those people who likes to be surprised. In fact, I kind of loathe it (I know, it's another weird thing that I don't understand about myself and I'm working on...) Luckily, my hubby knows me well enough to know that the ring is not something that he should pick out by himself. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved the meaning behind whatever ring he picked out, but, well, maybe I had read too many bridal magazines or something and I already had some pretty solid ideas about what I wanted. Honestly, shopping for the ring together was almost as special to me as the proposal itself (and not even because of the actual ring). I loved the look on his face while we looked for rings together, the shock he got a few times when they brought out a ring that was a "little" too extravagant, and the pride in his eyes when he told the jewelers why we were there. It was the first big decision we made together. It was a special time for us to spend together. And those of you who actually like surprises will appreciate the fact that my hubby didn't give in to me 100%, he still had to surprise me a little bit (it's all about compromise right). He made me pick two rings that I loved then he went back later and picked out which one he wanted. This drove me nuts because even though I picked out two I really only liked one of them! I would even dream about one particular ring, and it drove me nuts not knowing if that was the one he picked. I couldn't ever bring myself to tell him that I loved that one so much more just in case he picked the other one!

Since we went shopping for rings together, I knew it was coming. Maybe the only downside to shopping together that he hadn't considered was the fact that it took him a little too long after that to actually propose. After Christmas, when he didn't propose, I had convinced myself that he had changed his mind since it had been a couple of months. One night after enjoying a night out we sat in his parents drive-way while I cried and asked him if he still loved me (thank goodness I am a more confident, patient person than I was then!) He gave me the most beautiful speech about how much he loved me, what I meant to him, and how he wanted to spend his life with me, but I just needed to wait. I later found out that this was the speech he had prepared for the proposal and if I had just waited a couple of days he would have been able to say it under "more pleasant" circumstances, but, well, that's the way real life works out sometimes. Sometimes it's not as neat and tidy as you see it in the movies. On New Year's Day at dinner with my family he proposed to me. While he was talking my sister's boyfriend's mom screamed and hollered with excitement the whole time, I was actually looking at my sister asking her, "Is he really doing this," and my brother had gone to the bathroom and missed the whole thing. Again, messy, not perfect, and actually pretty funny. I still tease him about not getting on his knee, and he says it's a good thing he got to tell me his speech earlier since I wouldn't have heard it anyway if he had used it during the actual proposal.

The great thing about our proposal was how real it was. We are not super romantic, mushy people. When we try we just end up laughing about it because it feels so cheesy and unnatural. We are not extravagant. We are simple home-bodies who enjoy spending time first and foremost with our families. And that's exactly what the proposal was about. He proposed on New Year's Day because he wanted it to represent a "new start" to our life together. He did it surrounded by family because he wanted me to know how important it was that they were a part of it. AND he actually picked the perfect ring!!! Although, that surprise was ruined the same day he proposed because right before the big moment I went to check his truck to get something and found the receipt (I promise I was not purposefully looking for it!) Since the rings were from two different jewelers I knew which one he picked, and I pretty much figured out he would probably be proposing that day. But, again, that part of the story is just so us, since I really do hate surprises.

Looking back I learn a lot about myself through our engagement story. A lot about expectations, about my own personal flaws, about our relationship. I can see where we were (my own immaturity at times) where we are now (some things I still struggle with). I can remember how much we loved eachother then, and sit here in amazement when I realize how much more I love him even now. Think back on your dating/ engagement story. What can it teach you about yourself? Look at how far you've come. Whether you believe you've gone forward or backward, it's amazing how differently things end up when we look back.

The Start of a New Year!

Today is the end of 2011 and tomorrow begins 2012! God has been so good this year, not because everything in my life has always been good, but because God has always been there. To orchestrate every plan, to work it out for the good of His Kingdom even when it doesn't feel like it's for my own personal good, to bury me in His love and His grace even though it is the last thing I deserve and, sometimes, the last thing that I even want. To have a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to require greatness, who will bind my wounds no matter how painful and restore me to Him even when I try to turn away through my hurt. A God who became human to understand every single human emotion I face, and who did it all perfectly as an example to me. To have a God who sacrificed His very self to save me, a wretched sinner, because He still desires to be with me. For everything God has given me, even if I never received anything beyond my salvation, I owe Him my life.

I hope you were as encouraged in December as I was by the testimonies of others. The stories I was ale to share of trials, victory, and purpose. For the month of January I figured I would go the opposite direction and focus on myself. Although, I would never want to go back, and I'm definitely not one of those people who says "I wouldn't do anything differently" because, trust me, there's a lot that I would do differently if given the chance, I love taking the time to look back on my life. To see where I've been, and where I am now. To look back and have the opportunity to realize things that I never noticed before. So, in the month of January, the start of a new year, I will be taking a journey back. To remember where I was, so I can see where I am now. To look back on the good and the bad things that have brought me to where I am today. To take the time to examine the facric of my life and see exactly where it is that God has shown Himself. I hope you'll take this journey with me, and allow me some grace to talk a little (or a lot) about myself.

So here we go! Here is my story. A story of love, loss, mistakes, trials, and victories! Tomorrow is the first stop on my journey, my engagement story. As I celebrate the 5 year anniversary of the day I decided to spend the rest of my life with my husband I hope you will join me!

The average, every day life

If there's one thing my life is not, it's boring. Even beyond the hustle and bustle of having 3 kids under 4. It's not exciting as some would see it. I'm not a jet setter or a fashionista, I don't hold a position at a Fortune 500 company, I don't even have a life many would dream of, but my life is definitely full of excitement. In fact, I would bet if you looked back, if you began right now to keep track of your every day events, that you would realize just how un-boring you life really is. If you take the time, you will see the majesty in your mundane, everyday life.

Beyond even the majesty of the Universe. Its complexity, its beauty, its mystery. Beyond even the human body. Its design, its perfection, its strength. Looking into the human condition. Our desires, our needs, our hurts. Every single aspect of our lives points to a Creator who not only masterfully designed us, but who points us to Him at every opportunity. What did God do today to reveal Himself to you? Did you see it, did you miss it, did you ignore it? Have you finally realized that there is a power beyond yourself just waiting for you, drawing you in, desperate for you to find it?

I think the excitement of my life begins when I think back to my childhood, how I'm even still alive today. As a parent, don't you find yourself wondering that on a daily basis? You see your children doing something and you wonder how they didn't break their neck, you catch them at the precise moment they are about to put something in their mouth, you walk in to find your baby has just covered their face with a blanket and couldn't breathe. Why was I able throughout my childhood, throughout rebellious teenage years, throughout all of my irresponsible choices, able to make it? Why me, when so many others did not? Luck, chance, fate? GOD. As I became an adult, my life filled with "failures". Failed relationships, failed dreams, failed opportunities. Failure? Or GOD leading me in the direction He wanted me to go so that I could truly succeed? As I go through trials, seeing the beauty in the hard times, being thankful in all situations, seeing the change that comes through the hard times. Power of self, my own strength? Or GOD carrying me through? There is only one thing in common in all of these scenarios. GOD. It is not because of luck that I have survived, that I failed when I did and succeeded when I did, that I can survive the hardest moments of my life and come out better. It is not because of anything that I have done personally that I can stand here before you today, with the life that I have, with this attitude. There is no explanation for the blessings I have been given, overcoming certain diagnoses in my own life, seeing my son's journey through autism. There is nothing that can explain who I am today, what I have been through, where I am in my life, when everything has happened in it's perfect and glorious timing, and why it is the way that it is...nothing, other than God.

New Year's Revolutions

Every year we make our resolutions. {Resolution: Determining upon an action or a course of action.} We think about what needs to change. Our diet, our weight, spending more time relaxing, growing spiritually. Those areas that we wish we could do something about, but feel helpless to do anything with...until the new year comes around and we gather up the resolve to do something about it. The problem is, we determine the course of action such as going to the gym, taking more vacation time, getting up early to spend time in the Word, and we might (maybe, if we're really determined) stick with it for a little while until our resolve runs out. But that's okay because there's always next year right? This year, I am making a Resolution for Revolution! {Revolution: A sudden, complete, or marked change in something} I will not just plan what actions need to be taken and try to follow through. The areas in my life that need work, well, those areas will be marked by actual change rather than wishful thinking. 

As Christians we understand a little bit about revolution. When we made the decision to follow Christ it was a turning point in our lives. It marked a change in us. If we truly made the decision to follow Christ there was a sudden change in us, complete, and one that others took notice of. But, as Christians, we understand the #1 secret to true revolution...that it had absolutely nothing to do with us. So this year I Resolve to Revolve! Because I understand that these changes I want to make cannot come about through my own planning, my own desires. These changes can only come about through the power of God, through His purpose for my life. If I follow His will, indulge in The Word, listen for His voice, let Him direct my path, trust Him completely with my life, then I can accomplish all of these things I see as failures in my life. If I rely on His powers then I can become perfect in Him. So I will revolve around Him.

The greatest thing about the resolution for revolution is that it will end this cycle of regret, of worthlessness, of failed resolve. Revolution means there will be no more need for resolutions! I will no longer look at myself through my own eyes, the eyes of criticism, the eyes that see only failure. I will look at myself through God's eyes, through eyes that see purpose, through eyes that see me perfectly restored to Him. When I see myself through His eyes, when I live His life for me, there will be no more feelings of worthlessness because in Him I am worth everything. I am worth enough for Him to sacrifice His precious Son, the flesh of Himself, that I could be restored to Him. I am worth enough for Him to indwell inside of me as Spirit. And for every day that He provides me breath to continue, if my day is dedicated to His purpose for me, I have the greatest purpose of all. I can change the World. But not just change the World for the World's sake, change the World for all eternity. Can you imagine what would happen if this year, as Christians, we all made the resolution for revolution? Can you even begin to perceive the changes this next year would bring? I know I can't. I can't even begin to imagine what God can do with a nation filled with people completely, totally dedicated to Him. Completely and totally changed. Just the evidence of change in our lives would be enough to lead hundreds to Christ, not even counting those who would be saved by our actions, by our love, by our correctly carrying out the message. Now that would be a revolution!

NOW ON FACEBOOK!

The Mommy Calling is now on Facebook!!! I can't get the html code to work for my "like" box, so please forgive me as I work on it. But if you're on Facebook look me up and like the page! You will get updates, info, and some special things you won't get here on the blog. And, hopefully, we can all connect with eachother and interact in a way we can't here on the blog!

I hope you all had a very, very Merry Christmas! Filled with tons of family, friends, and love! I pray you were able to focus on the true meaning of Christmas this season, and not get too caught up in the hustle and bustle, allowing yourself a few moments to relax and enjoy. As a mom the holidays are filled with so much craziness. Whether it's a baby's first Christmas, trying to prepare the perfect meal for your family and friends, making sure decorations are top notch, buying and wrapping all those gifts, or the craziness that comes with holiday travels, there are a ton of things that can just get in the way isn't there. I know that after celebrations like these I feel like I've missed out on most of the fun and I'm just beyond exhausted! Luckily for me this Christmas I had a little help remembering the true reason of the season (wrapped up in strange packages).

With my recent bought with ongoing migraines the Christmas celebrations were moved from my home to my mom's this year. I'm not going to lie, it was disappointing not to do it at my home, not to cook the meal, to have to pack everything up in the car and travel for the festivities. It meant my in-laws stayed home (since we had already celebrated with them anyway) and that meant we never gave them their gift since we were saving it for when they came. And because I sang in church for both our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service it was a weird schedule for me. I had to leave my kids after opening presents to head off to sing since we already attended the Christmas Eve service together. It was really hard to kiss them goodbye and not just stay home and cuddle up in front of the fire while they played with their toys. Not to mention my little present snafu where I completely mixed up what I bought our son for his "big" gift and it was missing the major component. He ended up with a useless camera attachment to a system he doesn't even have rather than an actual camera like I intended. I actually shed a few tears over the last one, even though he didn't even notice and was too busy playing boats with his daddy. I felt useless and like a Christmas failure.

Insert a big piece of "practice what you preach" pie here. As I was singing for the service this morning I realized something, my family was happy and together, we are blessed and loved, and, even if we didn't have any of those things, Jesus came to Earth all those years ago. He was born in a stable, surrounded by dirty animals and filth. Wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough. He humbly came and brought salvation, and that is more than enough blessing than I ever deserved. All the other blessings that we were given this year were beyond many will ever even imagine. These things that were driving me crazy, and even driving me to tears, meant nothing. And they honestly didn't even effect how wonderful our holidays were. Despite the "failures" we had a wonderful, blessed day. And now, as the day ends, I will curl up in bed and dream of all the wonderful memories we made this year. My newest son's first Christmas, the excitement of my other babies who are now old enough to really enjoy getting and giving gifts, and having my family together. Yes, I'd say we had a very, very merry Christmas indeed!

Merry Christmas! From my family to yours!

Tis the Night Before Christmas (and I'm a little crazy)

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, seriously, one was moving and it was mama mouse!

The stockings were finally hung by chimney with care

In hopes Santa got his act together and soon would be there!

The children were finally wrestled, threatened and snug in their bed,

While visions of ipods and Xboxes danced in their heads.

Dad was laid up in his recliner taking a long winter’s nap,

And I just sat down facing 20 more presents to wrap.

When out on the porch I heard such a clatter,

My honey didn’t move so I pulled myself up to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the fed ex man announcing my last minute gifts were finally here!

As I gathered my presents together and placed them under the tree,

The reality of my craziness of “to do lists” and “must do’s” hit me.

I faintly heard the playing of Joy to the World the Lord is come,

And quickly remembered the real meaning of Christmas and not what still had to done.

With all my mad dashing around and tying up loose ends,

I was missing celebrating the birth of our Savior with my precious family and friends. 

Our Savior was born on that first joyous Christmas day,

In a humble stable with only a cradle of hay.


It’s not about the decorations or my worrying about needless things,
It’s a wondrous time to celebrate the birth of the King of Kings

So I take my husband ‘s hand and over our children we prayed.

And gave Him thanks for our blessings of freedom, forgiveness and love we enjoy each day.

So as I lay down my head on that beautiful Christmas Eve Night

I rejoice and thank God for the greatest gift of Everlasting Life!

by Traci Lilley
(thank you, sweet friend, for sharing this with us...it is absolutely perfect!)

Heaux, Heaux, Heaux!!!

A little piece of my culture for you (well, my hubby's culture anyway, since I was born in Texas and my family is from Michigan and Oklahoma!) I know it's hard to understand...now you know how I feel at family reunions...but it's too cute for me not to share! And for those not from the bayou, yes, this is really how they talk!

Be on the lookout tomorrow for my favorite 'Twas the night before Christmas. Written by my sweet friend, Traci Lilley!

A Soldier's Silent Night

This Christmas my bubba will spend the day with his beautiful daughter for the first time! Safe, warm, surrounded by family. We will have him home, but we will not forget those that will not be with their families for the holidays. We will remember those who have sacrificed it all. They are in our hearts and in our prayers.

OORAH!

To Every Mom Everywhere!

"Just Pray That God Would Give or Take Bella"...

...These were the words that stopped my heart, that brought tears to my eyes, that made the world stop spinning just for a split second. As a mom I know the love it takes to say these words, I know the strength, and I'm definitely not there yet. It saddens me that some moms are forced to have to choose. To choose between desperately wanting your children to stay with you, selfishly wanting to love them, and giving them over to God knowing that He will probably take them from you. It reminds me of something my friend told me one day that really resonated with me a lot. She said, "Sometimes, I struggle with telling my children how much God loves them. I don't want them to think I love them any less. It's selfish, but I don't want them to think anyone loves them more than I do." On the surface how superficial does that sound, we want to say to eachother, but of course God loves them more...and OF COURSE He does...but do we really live it? When our children are suffering do we believe that God still loves them more than we do? We are here holding onto them as tightly as we can, protecting them, raising them, and He has "let" this happen. How could He do this if he truly loved them? Just typing out those words brings tears to my eyes and pain to my heart, but how true is it? I so often forget that God loves and does more for my children than I ever can and will.

His plan is perfect, while mine is selfish. If my children were suffering would I be able to ask others to pray for God to take them from me? I can answer at this moment that I doubt I could. On Criminal Minds the other day a father was told his son was dying of cancer. He wanted his son to know that it was ok, so he held his hand and told him it wasn't losing if he didn't make it, that giving up when you know you can't beat it means you've won. And then his son died. My gosh, my heart, just thinking about it, is about to stop beating it hurts so badly. As I watched this I almost ran to my children's rooms and cried out for them not to leave me. I pictured myself in this same scenario as my child is dying screaming out at God not to take them, yelling at the doctors to save them, grabbing onto my child as tightly as I could, never letting go, believing that just by holding them they would have to stay with me. I don't think I would react in a way that shows God's love, God's power, God's purpose.

But here is my friend, the perfect picture of strength and love and compassion, the exact opposite of everything I believe I would do in this situation, offerring her hurting child up to God. Realizing that God loves Bella more than she ever can and will, and knowing that He has the perfect plan. They only had a year with her since they found the tumor. A year filled with surgeries, treatments, hope, disappointment. In fact, at this time last year they had no idea what was about to happen to them. But today their daughter is lying in a bed while they try to make her comfortable and wait. And my friend and her family are telling others to pray that God would give or take. I am left breathless by them, by their situation, by their pain, by their testimony. I pray for this sweet little girl and her family. And I pray that, if I ever need, that I will be as loving and strong as her parents are. I pray that God would be able to use my testimony for good, and that I wouldn't screw it up with my own selfishness. I pray that even with my "healthy" children I can learn to give them completely to God. For Him to love perfectly, to hold completely, to use rightly.

Please keep sweet Bella and her family in your prayers as they go through this difficult time. I know they appraciate such support and love!

UPDATE: AT 6:22 AM ON FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2011 BELLA VERY PEACEFULLY WENT HOME TO JESUS. We know that Jesus is holding this sweet girl right now until her mommy and daddy can see her again. Please pray for her mom, dad, and sister as they go through this.

Trials through ADOPTION...one family's journey

I normally don't share things on facebook about raising money. If I don't know the  family, even if I know the person who posted it, I just don't know if it is genuine or not. When my former associate youth minister posted this on facebook I immediately felt called to share it, so I posted it on my wall. A friend then asked where the family was from, and after asking Danielle if the family was local she shared this with me...

"They live in Texas and go to Gateway church with us. The Jones family is amazing!!!! They have four biological children and adopted a beautiful little girl last year from China. The 12 year old, that they are trying to adopt, is about to age out of the orphanage. When this happens if the orphanage is crowded, the kids are put on the streets. Many times these are the girls that are picked up for sex trade. Thanks for sharing their story!!!"

Here is some of the story from their site...

"The 'place' where she lives never started paperwork for her to be able to be adopted because they didn't think anyone would want her. In this 'place' once a child turns 14 they can NEVER be adopted. Even if they have a family waiting for them if the family does not have their Gotcha day before the 14th birthday they will NEVER be adopted. This girl is turning 14 at the end of February. Because the 'place' she is at just started paperwork for her to be able to be adopted it has left a VERY short, almost impossible time frame for anyone to be able to get through all the necessary steps to get to her in time... The lady at our adoption agency said to me yesterday, 'You realize you're pretty much asking us to do the impossible, to move mountains.' My response was, 'Yes, I realize that. But that's not a problem for God. He's in the mountain moving business.'"

My heart is so full for this family. Full of hope, full of anxiety, full of wonder. I cannot wait to see how God works in this situation, but I have a feeling it's going to be amazing and I have to share it. Please consider donating to the family or at least place them on your prayer list and flood the throne room of Heaven with prayers for this beautiful girl and this sweet family. You can buy a shirt from the family (it's super cute) to help out, donate, or just read more of their story by clicking here. Thank you so much, friends! I can't wait to share the ending to this story with you!

Check out their 8 weeks to adoption and the ending to their story!

If I Could Have 100 Years

Last night while everyone was asleep I cuddled with my beautiful 5 month old baby boy. He was nestled up against my chest, little bubbles still on his pouty lips, and a tiny milk mustache. A perfect moment. I prayed something I have prayed so often over the past few years. Ever since my niece was diagnosed with leukemia, when my friend delivered a beautiful but stillborn baby boy, when I found out in my first trimester with Kason that I had placenta previa and was facing serious risks with delivery, when my friend's mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. When I began to realize just how short life really is, when I realized that no matter how we live our life there's just no guarantee. That was when I began to pray this simple prayer,

"God, there is nowhere I would rather be than in your presence. There is nothing I would cherish more than to view your perfect kingdom, to have no more sorrow, no more pain. But, Lord, I will have eternity with you. So please allow me just 100 years here on Earth. 100 years to face trials, but to watch my family grow. 100 years to witness pain and sorrow, but to be able to provide comfort and love. 100 years is but a breath compared to forever, so please grant me this one small request. I don't need wealth, I don't need fame, I don't need anything but time to be with my family."

I prayed this prayer, as I always do, when in the midst of a beautiful moment. With my baby's hand wrapped around my finger, with a heart full of love. In a beautiful moment when the fear strikes that I may not have many of these moments at all. When I realize that my family may make beautiful moments without me. And when I realize this, that is when I pray for 100 years. But as I prayed last night I felt that stirring in my spirit...you know the feeling when God is trying to tell you something that you might not want to hear. He said,

"Would you still want 100 years, if it was filled with persecution? Would you still want 100 years if your mind was foggy, if your body gave out, if you became a burden to those you love? Would you want 100 years no matter what, or only if it were to be filled with happiness and love and joy? What if I could do more with you in 1 year than I could in 100?"

 So now I guess I will add an addendum to my prayer. The "not my will, but Thine be done." Because, in all honesty, I don't know under what circumstances I would really want 100 years. If I could handle it come what may. So, Lord, I would love 100 years if it is your will for me. If not then give me as many wonderful years as I can have, and let me make the best of it!

I guess God decided now was a good time for me to learn this lesson. Since I have been praying this prayer for years and never heard a response. I mean, there is nothing about that prayer that is "sinful". Ok, if we split hairs it is a pretty selfish prayer, but there is nothing unbiblical about praying to live a long life. And I don't think God decided to reveal these things to me because He is against what I was praying. I have no idea if He will grant me a long life or a short one, but I do know that today I received some scary news that makes the idea of 100 years a little less appealing. After suffering with migraines for the past 2 weeks, several trips to the ER, and being completely unable to care for my own children I learned today that though the headaches can be treated (something I've suffered with for years and just need to get back on anti-seizure medication for) the weakness cannot. That permanent nerve damage is going to be a new part of my life. And now at the age of 26 I'm having to get used to the idea of having trouble holding my baby, not being able to use my hands the way I need to sometimes, the fear that it may get significantly worse. And, even though the diagnoses could have been much worse, and, honestly, I was preparing myself, it still may take me awhile to be able to get used to this reality and become comfortable with it. And although I will still gladly take 100 years, it does make me question how I would feel about 100 years sometime in the future.

Free E-Book Link to Time-Warp Wife

I love being able to share with my friends and help promote other women who are following their calling! Be sure to check out the Time-Warp Wife page for a copy of her free e-book "Messy Faces in Divine Places". It is really easy, just subscribe to her feed and in the next email you receive you will see a link for her book! I know I can't wait to get mine and start reading, so make sure to grab your copy and learn to "enjoy the blessed hilarity of everyday life". Then make sure to come back and tell me what you thought about the book! I'll be following right along with you!

Sometimes There Are Just No Words...

No words to describe the blessings. No words to describe the pure love and joy that I feel whenever I look into the faces of my beautiful children. Yup, it's pretty much indescribable...

1 John 3:18 Dear Children, Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and truth.

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