It's not quite a quiver full, but it's a start!

Friday, January 6, 2012

What I Want My Kids to Learn from Me...Marriage

There's a reason the words are in this order...
Live, Laugh, Love
Never underestimate how hard marriage is. Yes, there are a lot of good times, but even those only come from the work that you put into the bad times. You know how you feel about your brother and sister some days? You will have those same feelings about your spouse too. They are in your space, they know too much about you, you have to compromise when you don't want to. That's why it is so important for you to learn now how to play with others. Make sure you marry your best friend, and make sure you play together every day. Learn how to be a team, to work together, to laugh at yourself and each other. It makes the hard times easier, and it makes you want to keep trying to get through them. Romance comes and goes, but friendship will last throughout the good times and the bad. It gives you someone to live your life with and to enjoy the little, everyday moments that seem so mundane. If you marry your best friend, you don't need a date night to connect with your spouse. If you marry your best friend, you will reconnect through every situation every single day. If you marry your best friend, life is fun and your family time is a party. Never underestimate the value of marrying your friend!
We sat in the stork, and 9 months later Maddox joined our family...
maybe there's more to the story than meets the eye
Don't try to plan out your lifestory, just live it while it happens. The most enjoyable moments in marriage are the ones that are unexpected. If you are busy trying to live your life by the bullet points you have set, you will miss out on what life really has in store for you. Be flexible, be willing to change your plans at a moments notice, and learn to go with the flow. Remember that you are not perfect, but never stop striving to be your best. The greatest freedom is learning to give up what you want in your life and allowing God to take control. Allow God to take your marriage and turn it into what he has planned. Allow Him to make the big decisions for you, and trust Him with it. He knows you better than you know yourself, and He wants great and wonderful things to come from your life. Don't settle for a marriage that the world sees as great, strive for a marriage that God sees as amazing. If you think God will do wonderful things with you, just imagine what He can do with the partnership you have formed with another person!
Every July 4, we go to a game together.
Marrying a baseball player, I rarely get to enjoy the game WITH him.
It's nice to connect doing something he loves and I love supporting!
Enrich your life together with traditions. There is nothing more important than forming lasting memories together. Make traditions that bring you closer together, give you time to get to know eachother better, and, most importantly, have fun. I hope that as I strive to form traditions with you, that you will enjoy them so much you want to use them with your own family. But never forget to make your own traditions. The traditions I make for us are important to me, so go ahead and make some traditions that are important to you. And if you could pass along my name, so I become the cool great-great grandma B, I'd appreciate it!
There's no better way to see the beauty of God's creation
than to enjoy it with the one He created for you to enjoy it with.
There's not one perfect person for everyone, until you're married. Don't ever settle for less than what you desire, but don't waste your life searching for the "perfect" person. No one is perfect, and even those who you think are, you will soon learn that they are not. When you find someone worthy to spend your life with and make the committment to each other, then that is when God's seal is placed on your life together, this is when they become "The One". When you make the vow to remain with each other for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, so long as you both shall live, mean it. It's not just words, and from that moment on, no matter what, you are meant to be together. Divorce is not an option. The hard times will come, but fight through them as if your life depends on it...because it does. And when you make it through, because if you both fight for it you will make it, you will be better together than you were before. Do not ever doubt the power God has to transform your marriage, I have seen it first hand. Do not ever doubt if this is the person you are meant to be with. There are no "what-ifs" or "if it were so-and-so" there is only now. You made the choice, so stick by it and do not back out, ever.

Nothing will prove how great of a team you really are than
children. Nothing will make you as strong of a couple as dedicating
yourselves to the common goal of raising a family together.
And if you are as lucky as we were, and God blesses you with children, dedicate your life to them. Recognize the fullness children bring to your family, how they bind you together, how they make you an even stronger team than you were before. I never even knew what true love was, until God gave you to us. Children change your entire life. They make the trials worth it, the future seems brighter, and they will reveal the nature of God to you more than you could ever imagine. Marriage is just the beginning, family is what happens when the dreams of marriage come to fruition. It may be hard, and it may not come easily, but it will be the most important thing you will ever do with your life if you chose to give your family over to God and dedicate your life to making that happen. Follow God's will for your family, for your children, and you will have the greatest impact on the world any person could ever have!


  1. You have shared such wisdom here, especially for couples who are just starting out.
    I just found myself agreeing with every point, like marrying your best friend. That is so important, as is remembering that no one is perfect.

    Thanks so much for this post. It is so refreshing to read about such a love as yours, and how you desire to pass that on to your children.

  2. thanks for the reminder & the encouragement. its definitely not how the world (or even a lot of people in the church) view marriage these days. i agree with what you said though. and on a side note, where were yall when you were doing the walking thing in the wooden shoes? and in the stork? :)

  3. Thank you! One thing I struggled with after we were married was the lack of the "fairy tale dream" and mushy 90's love story moments. Not that we don't have romance in our marriage, or that we don't enjoy dates and "mushy" lines, it's just not the norm. I began to feel like something was wrong since our marriage was not like I'd always thought it would be. It wasn't until we were watching the "Bachelor" together one night and he said, "Well anyone can fall in love like that! What happens when they get home and they're not traveling the world, or they don't feel particularly romantic that day, or they have to sit down and go over their budget together and they realize they have to stay home instead of going out on a date for the rest of the month because they can't afford it? Will they still love eachother then?" I tell you, that was the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me! It saddens me that the divorce rate in the church is the same as it is in the world, and I think it's because, like you said, the church is beginning to take on a "world view" of marriage. Maybe not purposefully, just growing up in our culture and hearing what we do it leads us astray.

    Those were all pictures from our honeymoon! We took a road trip to Chicago to see his beloved Cubs, and then stopped in Dutch Village in Holland, MI (where my mom and sisters used to be a dutch dancer) when we were on our way to visit my grandmother's lake house. It was fun to include him in some of my traditions from growing up! And we really do laugh about sitting in the stork (Maddox was born 9 months to the day later to a woman who was told she probably couldn't have children!)

  4. It's such a blessing that you realize while your children are still young that motherhood is truly a calling. You have one of God's precious creatures entrusted to you. My hubby and I have been married 8 wonderful years, have no children and I don't know that we'll ever have children. But if we do, I pray I will always remember how important motherhood is and where my priorities must rest.

  5. Fawn, maybe that's why I'm able to realize this amazing calling. I was told in highschool that because of endometriosis and cysts it would be very difficult/impossible to have kids (so of course I thought impossible). Yet, 2 months after we were married I found out I was pregnant. My uterus actually prolapsed after my 2nd child and I was scheduling my hysterectomy when I found out I was pregnant with #3! God works in mysterious ways! Sometimes He gives and sometimes He takes, but He does it all for His glory. You have an amazing call on your life too, even if at this point it is not motherhood. I will definitely keep you in my prayers!

  6. I love your Blog! I am a mother to 7 and even though I feel a pull back to midwifery I know my true calling is my family. I am a new follower.

    1. Thank you for following! I cannot wait to check out your blog as well! 7 blessings! Wow praise God!


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