It's not quite a quiver full, but it's a start!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

"You're My Best Friend, Mommy"...

...Nothing melts my heart more than when my son grabs my face so that I look him in the eyes when he utters those beautiful words. There is a trend of being your children's "best friend". It is about not disciplining them too much because you don't want to alienate them, about acting like their friend so they will "trust" you, about being the "cool" parents. I grew up around a lot of those parents, and trust me it did not lead to a strong relationship, it led to children being completely in control of every decision. I also grew up around parents (my own) who were convinced that being my "friend" was the opposite of what they should be, and that led to me making no decisions at all. So, here's where I stand, I want my child to tell me "You're my best friend," but I want ours to be a true friendship, not a fake one. I want to discipline my children out of love, not anger, and I think I'm heading in the right direction because many of the times my son grabs my face and tells me that I am his "best friend" is after I have had a good chat about what he is doing wrong. I want my kids to trust me, but not because I have faked them into it. I want them to trust me because from the very beginning I have been honest and open with them and told them they can be honest and open with me. I want to be the "cool" mom, but not because I'm the one providing the beer and buying the skimpy outfits. I want to be the "cool" mom because I teach my kids what being cool really is all about. And, yes, I want to be their "best friend" because there is no one else who will have their best interests at heart or who will desire to see them achieve more than I do. I want to be their biggest encourager, a shoulder to cry on, their greatest confidant.  That is what being a best friend is all about.

We camped out for 24 hours at the
Chick-fil-A grand opening. Every time
we pass it my kids shout, "That's where
we camped for the first time ever!"
They still talk about everything we did
that day, and I will never forget.
I want to be their best friend now because I want them to be my best friend later. They will only be my children for so long, then they will have to be my friends or I won't have them in my life anymore. From the very beginning I have always tried to include my babies in everything. I get a lot of comments like, "They aren't going to remember it anyway," or, "You don't have to do everything with them." No, they may not remember it later, but they remember it now, and they feel it now, and it shapes who and what they are, and it shapes who and what they think I am. No, I don't have to do everything with them, but I want to. I honestly, truly, 100% want to. And my question is, if I don't do it with them now, then when do I do it? When will they be old enough? When will it be ok? When they are teenagers and I'm begging them to talk to me? I want them to talk to me now. When they are moms and dads and I want them to trust my advice? I want them to trust me now. So, yes, I will be their best friend now. And, hopefully, when they grow taller than me, and more successful than me, they will still look me in the eyes and tell me, "You were always my best friend mommy."


  1. It's a fine line, isn't it? Tying those heartstrings is so important, but maintaining the role of "shepherd" is equally so. I think it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!

  2. I LOVE how you said that...perfect, wonderful words to represent our job as mothers. And thank you. Even though there is inevitable failure, I thank God there is redemption and second chances!

  3. this made me tear up. its so true. i actually heard a mom say once. "anybody can be there when they are babies, as babies they just want someone to hold them and read them a story it doesn't matter who. i will make sure i am there when they are older" are you kidding me if you aren't there when they are young they won't want you around when they are older. you hit it right on the nail

  4. Megan, I've heard that a lot! I guess the truth is, it really doesn't matter to them who it is to a certain extent, but you'd better believe that if it's not you providing their needs then you're not the one they are going to want! A baby is born KNOWING their mother. Her voice, her smell, her emotions. They crave their MOTHER for everything because we are the only thing they know. Will a baby accept their needs being met by someone else, yes, but that certainly doesn't mean that's what they "want".

  5. This is this.
    And your heart for loving your kiddos and your husband as your ministry.
    And it's so is so fleeting.
    Kara @ The Chuppies/NOBH


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