It's not quite a quiver full, but it's a start!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The End of the Journey of "Me"

I'm so thankful you stuck around with me this month as I shared some things about myself. For someone who can talk so freely, I cannot even believe how difficult I found it to share at times. The topics were definitely harder for me to come up with and the posts were a lot less frequent, but it was another great month for me. A month of learning, a month of growing, a month of sharing. I'm just thankful that no matter how much I learn in my life and how far I've come there's always room to learn more, to grow more, to be more. So I'll close out this month with the main things you will figure out about me, just in case you haven't noticed a trend already.

My #1 goal in life is to learn at least a little bit about everything. I have no need to be an expert and no desire to be completely perfect in one area. I think that's the main reason I absolutely love being a mom. I can learn right alongside my children, grow with them, and just have fun. Being a mom is all about the ability to do a million different things. And the best part about it is not having to do everything perfectly because my kids appreciate me just for making an effort. If I were to be honest, the main reason I want to homeschool is so I can continue to learn the things that I missed out on while I was in school.

My #1 fear is that no one will come to my funeral. I cannot wait for the day I stand before my Creator face-to-face, and I live my life in a way that I can be confident in that. I dream of hearing Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I use every ounce of talent, strength, love, and all the powers He has equipped me with so I can stand before Him and say, "I did all I could, and I did it for you." To me, the earthly equivalent to hearing God ask, "Do you  not know what you could have done while you were on Earth," would be to have no one show up at my funeral. It's like the world telling you, "You didn't do enough." I want to live my life with such calling that when I'm gone there is a noticeable absence. I'm not saying I want fame and fortune or to have my name written in History books, I'm saying I want to have touched people's lives in such a way that it is not forgotten by them.

My #1 love is my Lord and Savior. Strangely, this is one I have to work on daily. As a wife and mother there is a constant battle with my flesh to keep God first. It is hard not to put my husband and kids above the Lord some days, honestly probably most days. This is also a mental struggle for me. Growing up with a mom whose mental illness manifested itself with "religious themes" I have struggled greatly with talking about God, hearing people talk about God, and how great of a role God actually has in our life. One day I will post about how and why I have these struggles and what I have learned from it, but for now I will simply say this...although I do have to work to keep God the #1 focus in my life, He definitely is #1, and I hope by the way I live my life, the things I post, and the words that come out of my mouth that even though it is something I have to work for, that it is not something that anyone can doubt about me.


  1. When I first saw the title of this post I thought you meant this is your last post. I'm glad to see that is not the case.

    I know you have made a difference because you have made a difference to me. We don't know each other, except through our writing, but I have been inspired by your dedication to causes beyond yourself. That quality is in short supply in a world that elevates all things vapid and vein. It's refreshing. Thank you.

    1. You are too sweet! And, no, it's not that easy to get rid of me. As long as I have things to write about and feel led I will!


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