The Beauty of Darkness

There's a reason evil lurks around in dark places. Pretending it's beautiful, masquerading as perfection, a promise of greener pastures. Wishful thinking, regret, what-ifs. Mocking, luring, destroying. We hold these secrets inside. Guarding them in the core of our being, protecting them as if our life depends on it. Reveling in the beauty, the seduction, the raw emotion. Oh, how beautiful these inner secrets seem. How precious to our sense of being. We become lured in and entangled, and we like it there. The way these secrets feel, the tingle up our spine, the promises they make. Oh, but these secrets, these beautiful, wonderful, glorious secrets that we curl ourselves up in, once exposed to the light are nothing but ugly, dirty, worthless lies. The way others feel about us that serve as our motivation. The secret pain in our hearts, the lust of the flesh, the burning anger. The wounds that we peel open, the desires that we seek, the flames that we fan. We keep them in the dark, because they are beautiful there. We hide them as far from the light as we can because we know, we fear, that once they are brought into the light they will be revealed for what they truly are. Brick walls built up around our hearts, chains enslaving us to another, a passionate fire destroying us from inside our own selves. Yes, it is beautiful, but only in darkness. Once exposed, we can try to pretend, but we know the truth. We can try to cover up, but it has been revealed. We can try to get the feelings back, but the excitement is lost. There is beauty is the dark, but only true beauty can survive when brought into the light. And the ugly is only uncovered once we recognize the darkness it's been hiding in. The truth that it hides behind. The true joy and pleasure that awaits us, rather than the un-fullfillment, the hunger that these secrets will bring. The ultimate lie that hides in the darkness so well, that there's really no beauty there at all.

These are a few of my favorite things...MUSIC

O Holy Night

Mary, Did You Know?

I Wonder As I Wander

It's Here, It's Here, It's Finally Here!

The countdown is on! Thanksgiving is over, so that means it is finally time to turn on the Christmas music, break out the decorations, and finish up all my holiday crafts! Although Christmas music at my house is kept to a minimum because I am such a bah-humbug about too many carols, don't ask me why because I have no idea. There is one thing that definitely gets me in the spirit...crafts!!! I mean, have you seem my "Amish at Heart" page? Come on, y'all, this is what I do! So, my project list is growing to enormous lengths, I have 5 days to finish the advent house I am building for the kids, and I am going to brave into making our Christmas ornaments this year (oh yes, I'm going to go there). And there will be no paper chains and posicle sticks (ok, there might actually be some paper chains). Confession time, I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I mean, hand painting for someone as OCD as I am has been a trial in and of itself, and it requires every ounce of strength to make myself love the not-so-perfect outcome of projects I pour hours into. Plus, I have expensive taste on the budget of a stay-at-home mom wife of a teacher, and I refuse to settle for less than what I want (why do you think we started building our own furniture anyway?) So here is my attempt to make Pottery Barn beautifulness and spend as close to nothing as possible. Pictures will be coming soon, but in the mean time check out this great free e-book  Handmade Holiday Decor at The Handmade Home! There's something in there for everyone, and I'm sure it will help to get you in the crafting mood!

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The Not-So-Perfect Life

God's sense of humor, or rather irony, seems to be a pretty on-going theme in the story of my life. His constant little "tests" to see if I'm going to practice what I preach. OK, so maybe that's not God, maybe that's just life doing what life does while God is preparing me for it, but doesn't it seem like every time you try so hard to master something, every little thing is going to start going wrong? I've been trying to "master" the art of Thanksgiving over the past 25 days, to truly be thankful for the hard things in my life. To pour the fruits of the Spirit into everything I do rather than living through my own strength. Well, the past 24 hours have been just one test after another (hopefully, I passed more than I failed, although I know there were times I could have done better...but, hey, I'm a work in progress!) It was one of those times when I could almost feel God's eyes on me, wondering "Is she going to have a pity party, or is she going to put into practice everything she preaches?"

I think the quote "Life's what happens when we're busy making plans" perfectly describes my Thanksgiving this year. While I had everything all planned out a certain way, while I had my ideas of how to make this Thanksgiving successful, life had other ideas. I've had an on-going migraine for 4 days now. We've had a difficult time juggling family schedules this year and, of course, no matter how hard you try someone's feelings get hurt. My house is a disaster zone and none of our projects have been finished. And, on the children front, my oldest got a stomach virus, while my daughter began having nightmares, and my baby is going through a growth spurt. All of this is a recipe for disaster for me. Not feeling well + already feeling like things are just not working out + a not-so-inviting and increasingly stressful environment + dealing with sick, cranky, non-sleeping children = perfect opportunity for me to completely lose it. Thankfully, I feel like God has been preparing me for this moment. From learning how to parent in the Spirit, to my gentleness and wife challenges, to learning the art of being truly thankful, everything God has been speaking to my heart is what helped me make it through this week with my sanity still intact. So, even when (or maybe I should say "especially when") things seem to be going perfectly in my life, I know that right around the corner are those not-so-perfect moments just waiting for the perfect time to ambush me and it's normally all at once. Luckily for us, as Christians, we are prepared, we can handle it, and we can make it through these times. And even though this Thanksgiving is probably the "worst" when I look at it from a situational standpoint, it has been the Thanksgiving of the most learning, the most growth, and the most opportunity for growing together as a family.

A Close to a Wonderful Thanksgiving

At the close of the day, I am so thankful for such a Gracious Thanksgiving. For the ability to bring to God an offering of thanks for the hard things and for the hardest thing. Now I will continue on my Journey to 1,000 things because Thanksgiving is not just about the season. I will continue until I reach 1,000 and then I will continue on to one million. I will continue to live my life thankful in everything because He gave His everything for me.

"When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were an offering far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all."

Thankful for the Hardest Thing

I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands.
For you are who you are, no matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried, you hold in your hands, and though
my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm.

We all have our testimonies, the things in life God has used to glorify Him. Some are triumphs, some are trials. Some are amazing blessings, but some come with unfathomable heartbreak. Today, on Thanksgiving, I praise God for the hardest thing: Tragedy. For the life taken before it really had a chance to begin. For a little boy, who glorified God more in his death than most ever will in a lifetime. In these moments when we cry out "Why?" but already know the answer.

My friend lost her firstborn son, Scout Russell Secrist, 3 days before her due date. Delivering him still on December 26, 2008. A beautiful life that some would consider lost, but that we know was purposed for the Kingdom. Jesus holds this little boy, loving him perfectly, until his mommy and daddy can finally hold him again and see his beautiful smiling face. And because of this little boy many new souls will enter into the throne room of God. Scout, I am so thankful for you, for your testimony, for the hope you brought to so many. I am thankful that in time of such devestation God showed up, God healed lives, and God brought life even through death.

Praise God for restoration, for healing, for life continued.
Rusty and Katye with their beautiful family,
Scout's loving siblings, Deacon and Charli Kate.

Half way to 1,000 things...journeying to one million

Thankful for the Hard Things

This Thanksgiving I challenged myself to truly think about what I am thankful for. For 25 days, to journal as many things as I can hoping to reach 250 things on my journey to 1,000, until I reached the point where I was truly thankful in all things. Along the way, I realized how awkward I felt lifting everything up to God, but found such freedom in the worship that came with vocalizing, journaling, and bringing all of my circumstances to the Lord in thanksgiving. I reached a point where giving thanks in even the hard things became more natural, where I learned to give thanks for the most precious gift God had given me but I had never brought before Him. And today, on Thanksgiving Eve, in preparation for my 25th Day, I will thank God for the one of my hardest things: Autism.

The journey through diagnosis and healing has not been an easy one, but who am I to be thankful for only the easy things? Who am I to discount the power, the testimony, the beauty, that comes from the trials? Who am I to tell God that when he created my beautiful baby boy that He made a mistake? In fact, if there's one thing I learned through this journey it's the perfection in His plan, including autism. If ever I was given the choice to change my son into the world's version of "perfect" I would not think twice. I would not think twice because the answer would be, "no." Why would I want to change who my son is? Just because it is difficult? Just because he's not "normal"? Why would I change the perfection that is my autistic son, just because the world does not see him as perfect?

Autism is the reason I love my son.  I do not love him in spite of his autism, I love him because of it. I love his Independence, his "engineer" mind, his quirks. Is it hard when he doesn't make eye contact, when he tries to hurt himself or others, when he didn't speak for the first 18 months of his life? Yes, but every parent deals with difficult behavior, does it mean they love their child any less?  Why would his behavior effect my feelings for him? Why would his autism make me love him any less? In fact, the things I love about him the most, the things that make him unique, are all attributes of his diagnosis. I love how he took my double stroller apart and I couldn't put it back together (what 2 year old knows how to successfully use a screw driver?) I love how he has such a teacher's spirit, spurred on by his therapies. I love everything about this little boy and everything he has brought to my life.
So today, as I thank God for the hard things, I will thank God especially for my son, for autism, for God's perfection brought to us in imperfect packages.

Gracious Thanksgiving

Sunday as we did communion I was amazingly caught up in the moment. I always associate Christ's death with Easter, but remember the joyous resurrection. I don't know if I have ever actually lingered very long on thoughts of Christ's death. I do remember watching the "Passion of the Christ" and while He was hanging on the cross begging Him not to do it, begging Him to show His power, to come off of the cross, to not let the bad guys "win". Obviously, His death was the only way there could be true victory, but as I ate the cracker and drank the juice I was caught up in what His death meant in terms of Thanksgiving. His death is the reason why I can be thankful, the reason there is hope. Because of His grace I can be grateful. So this Thanksgiving, I will add to my list of 1,000 a few things that I have never found myself thanking God for...

I am eternally thankful for Jesus's body being broken for me,

for His humiliation,

for the pain and torment He had to suffer,

for His blood that was spilled with no regret,

for His flesh torn with such hatred from His bones,

for the holes pierced into His body,

for the sheer pain God faced as His beloved son, the flesh of Himself, was killed,

for the heart that had sacrificed to become man,

for the heart that was forced to stop beating all because of me,

for the victory that was won that day,

for the hope His death brings,

for the purpose rather than worthlessness He has given me,

for the joyous resurrection,

for the love He has for me even though it is I who forced Him onto the cross, that it was I who forced Him to die,

for His abundant grace,

for His gracious provision so that I can be gracious to others,

for the gratitude He has brought to my life,

for sacrificial love,

for everyday reminders,

for the God of the Universe to think more of me than He does Himself.

Faith in Action

What are we as Christians doing to drown out the noise of the world? To protect others from the lies, the hatred, and the attacks that come from unbelievers (or as this video shows, those who claim to believe, but have no concept of God)? We should be rallying around each other, creating a physical buffer, and supporting our fellow believers when they come under attack. I pray that I do not just stand on the sidelines, or heaven forbid contribute to the attacks on my fellow believers, but that my faith would be an active faith. James 2:20-24 "But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up Isaac his son on the altar? You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected; and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, 'AND ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,' and he was called the friend of God. You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone." Do your actions reflect your faith? Do they set you apart? Are your actions helping to spread the message of Christ, or are your actions, like so many others, bringing harm to the Kingdom?


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Biblical Blogging

On my blog hopping ventures, I recently ran across the blog of a man who stated, "The problem with Christian bloggers is that they all begin to think they are 'Billy Grahams'." And when several began to agree that it is a problem that many Christians are beginning to view themselves in this light, I say it is a problem that all Christians don't see themselves this way. What is it about Billy Graham that makes him more "capable" than any other Christian? As Bible believers we should all have the same message, and we all have the same call on our lives to share this message. The only thing that set Billy Graham apart is the sheer numbers that God drew into his path. Well, guess what, as a blogger God has the ability to draw millions into your path every day. You are literally preaching to the entire world! You are accountable to God for every word you preach, or don't preach. You are responsible for sharing the message of God, for sharing it rightly, and for sharing it with as many as God brings into your path. Your calling is the same as that of Billy Graham, and don't underestimate that.

...So pastors must preach the Word, even though it is currently out of fashion to do so (2 Tim. 4:2). That is the only way their ministry can ever truly be fruitful. Moreover, it assures that they will be fruitful in ministry, because God’s Word never returns to Him void; it always accomplishes that for which He sends it and prospers in what He sends it to do (Isa. 55:11)... If you share the message with the masses read this article and remember as you write that it is not about you and all about Him.
Biblically-Anemic Preaching: The Devastating Consequences of a Watered-Down Message

The Journey Continues...

Have you been following along with my 25 Days of Thanksgiving? Where have you gotten on your journey to 1,000? Did you notice, like I did, the amazing (yet strangely difficult) act of worshipping God through giving thanks? I hope you have reached a point where giving thanks has become a natural part of your day, that it no longer takes much thought to remember what God has blessed you with daily, that you are able to give thanks in the good and the bad.

My confession is that I have not been journaling my list daily. It is so important for me to make this a physical act rather than a mental one so I have to focus on it while doing nothing else. Perhaps it's the fact that I got farther than expected so now I have the "freedom" to skip a day here and there and still reach my goal. I feel I need to hold myself accountable to a daily list, to make it about the time spent rather than the numbers reached! Maybe I should set a goal of one million things, so I don't have the excuse to slack on my list!

My encouragement about this journey is that I'm finding it easier than expected to thank God for everything. The recognition that God is in control of every detail, knowing that amazing things come out of hard situations, and feeling grateful for the trials has been an amazing revelation. In fact, this makes me linger on 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." How have I missed the message that it is God's WILL, His calling, for me to be thankful for every thing my life is made of? God has revealed to me that it is His will for me, not because He wants me to tell Him how great He is, but because He wants me to recognize His greatness. He wants me to have the freedom that comes when we are thankful for the bad things rather than overwhelmed and enslaved by them. When we recognize that God has a plan, that we just need to wait out the storm, we can thank Him for whatever it is He is doing. The focus is once again placed on God rather than ourselves. As I linger on my list, on #350 on day 20 of my journey to 1,000 things, seeing the thread of thankfulness God is weaving into my spirit, feeling the freedom of complete trust in Him, I can't wait to see what the day has to bring. I can't wait to add to my list. To make it to 1,000 and beyond.

***When I found this blog post this morning I was so excited! Knowing this was my scheduled post for tomorrow I had to edit it so I could link the post in here. What a great idea of worshipping with song...It especially spoke truth to me since I recently began singing through my gentleness challenge. Take a moment to read this post when you have a chance Living To Please God: Responding to Trials with Worship.***

Completion of the Bedroom Makeover: The R&R is back!

When I saw this challenge I said, "Bring It!" Well, let me tell you, it has already been "Brought-en!"  I hope you all saw my original post about bringing back the RandR and were following along with me at AMothersHeritage but if not here's your chance to catch up and do your own Master remodel!

Do you remember my awful BEFORE picture? Well here it is again...

YIKES!!!

 I am so proud (and my hubby is so thankful) to be able to show such an amazing after...

TADA!

I re-arranged the furniture, made some new art work, and found some extra accessories laying around to complete this for a grand total of $0 and a lot of hard work! I can't wait to spend some time relaxing in our room for the first time since we moved into our home a year ago!

Here are Jenny's instructions for accomplishing your master make-over! I hope you enjoy as much as I did! Follow along with her as you Declutter, Deep Clean, Color Coordinate, Accessorize, and Enjoy and Maintain your haven (just 5 simple steps)!

Mommy Teaching for the Non-Teacher Mommy

I'm so excited to be guest posting today at The Mommy Teacher!

There are some mommies lucky enough to have the experience of teaching, some blessed with the gift of teaching, then there’s some who just throw a bunch of ideas at their kids and hope that just one will stick. None are wrong, although some may be easier and work better than others, but when it comes to being a mommy teacher the only rule is to keep kids engaged!
continue reading here!

God's Masterpiece is Mother

God took the fragrance of a flower,
The majesty of a tree,
The gentleness of morning dew,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The beauty of the twilight hour,
The soul of a starry night,
The laughter of a rippling brook,
The grace of a bird in flight.
Then God fashioned from these things
A creation like no other,
And when his masterpiece was through
He called it simply – Mother.

 Herbert Farnham

They're All My Favorites!

When I first became a mother, I had no idea it was even possible to love someone so much. I have loved much in my life, but nothing compared to the true, unconditional, pure love I felt that started the very first moment I saw my little bean during my first ultrasound at 7wks. Before he was even fully formed, before he had taken his first breath, before I even saw his face, I loved him. The moment I held him I felt like I could never love anyone that much...ever. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was ecstatic, seriously over the moon! I knew I would love her, I felt I could love her just as much because she was a "she" so it would be different than it was with my son. At the same time, I still worried that I just wouldn't have enough love to go around. The amazing thing was when she was born the "seperation" of my love that I had been trying to prepare myself for never happened, in fact, it was the exact opposite. I not only loved her, but I loved her just as much as I had loved Maddox that first moment, and I never "lost" any of the love I felt for my son. In fact, as they grew the love I had for both of them grew as well, not only because of them, but because of how they were together. Watching them interact, seeing the love God had knit into their hearts towards each other, I loved them even more than the very first day. My love just continued to grow. And with the addition of Kason, I felt my heart might burst from too much love. I worry, not that I may not love them enough, but that I may love them so much that I won't be able to stand it. That with each addition to our family, my heart will become so full, that I just won't be able to continue.

I heard a lovely woman speak today about her children, and I pray that as my children grow the words she spoke about her children will be woven into the fabric of my own family. She has 5 children and recounted an amazing moment when some friends had asked her which was her favorite. I've gotten this question from people who don't have multiple children, who worry, the same way I had, that with each additional child your love for the other children changes. She told them, as I would have, that she loves them all equally, that she loves them all in their own way because of who they are, but she does not love any of them more than the other. That is obvious to me, but what she said next is what I will claim for my family, what I will pray I can instill in my children as they get older. Each child, one after the other, came to her privately and told her, "I know that I'm your favorite. I know you couldn't say it in front of the others, so we'll just keep it between us." What a precious, precious moment for that mother. To know that she is raising her children in such a way that each one feels they are her favorite. That none feels left out, that none feels less important, that they not only feel "equal" but that they each see themselves as "the best". Praise God. So how do we do this? How can we accomplish this sense of importance in our children?

It's another "complaint" I've heard about the Duggar family. That there is "no way they can give enough attention to all of their chldren equally." But what does this accusation stem from? The amount of time there is in a day in relation to the amount of children? What does time have to do with how our children feel? What does having siblings have to do with how our children feel about themselves? NOTHING. If we are instilling in our children the truth about who they are, they will never feel unloved, abandoned, left out, or less important. Our children, no matter how many we have, are loved. They are loved unconditionally, purely, and intentionally. They are a blessing, they are a miracle. They have a specific calling and purpose in their life that God has given them. If we raise them to believe this of themselves then how will they ever feel less than "the best"?

There are things we can do to actively make them feel special. If you pay attention to your children you know the littlest thing makes them feel important, that all it really takes to make them happy is to be involved with them. Let them help you "make" breakfast (even if it ends up doubling or even tripling the amount of time it would take you to do it yourself, like it always does in my house). Have a special one-on-one date with them that you build up for the several days before. Let them pick the "activities" so they feel like it's a special day all about them. Do crafts with them or read them a special book, anything they show interest in spend time doing that rather than watching TV. We send our children to school for 8 hours a day and children watch TV for an average of 4 hours a day (this number jumped to 7hrs 38min by the age of 8)...that is at least 12 hours our children spend not engaged with us. If they sleep for 6-8 hours a night that leaves 4-6 hours a day that our children are spending with us. That means if we follow this model they spend at least 83% of the day with influences other than us. Mommas, it is no wonder we feel like we can't give our children enough attention. I know not every mother feels called to homeschooling, I know some mothers feel called to work outside of the home, but we need to seriously evaluate what we are doing with our time, where our priorities are, and what we do with the little time we have with our children.

If your children overheard someone ask you, "Which one is your favorite?" what would their answer be? Would they come to you with a smile and say, "I know it's me!" or would they be left wondering. What obstacles are standing in the way of your time with your children? What things are keeping your children from feeling like "the best"?

Living upRIGHT in an upside-down world

It's especially hard in this day and age not to notice how like-minded Christians and non-Christians are becoming. Obviously, if we as Christians are to have the "mind of Christ" how can our standards line up so closely with those who have not chosen to follow Him? We immerse ourselves in this culture. Watching the same movies, reading the same books, listening to the same music, going to the same places. We quote scripture to back up these choices, "to be in the world," claiming that that is what we are doing, that we are in the world while denying that we are really of it. So how can we really be in and not of? It really is all about denying ourselves, and accepting the mind of Christ. Dying to ourselves daily, and picking up our cross to follow Him Luke 9:23. So how can we use Facebook, a website that in even the best of times promotes vanity, Pinterest, a website that promotes greed and envy, and Google, which provides so much information at the click of a button with no filter to sift through it all, with the mindset of Christ.

These sites, like money, are not "evil" in and of themselves; rather, it is what we choose to do with them that sets us apart. Do you see Facebook as an opportunity to witness or to show off? Do you use Pinterest as an opportunity to be creative, find fun activities for your children, enrich your life, or do you use it as a way to think of all the things you do not have but wish you did? Do you Google with a filter of Scripture, or do you accept whatever information you find as truth? Do you rely on your self-help books or do you rely on THE Book? Do you need advice on finances? Did you know there are over 800 scriptures covering the topic of money? Trouble with your marriage? Why not seek what the Creator of marriage has to say about it? And there truly is no better guide to parenting than the one written by our perfect Father. What book can better tell you what to do with your life than the book written by the One who is the meaning of life? Not to say we should not listen to the godly counsel of others. God intended for us to encourage, teach, and hold each other accountable, but He did not intend for us to worship each other's opinions, to seek first our friend's experiences, or to keep our Bible on the shelf while fervently studying someone else's opinion of the Scriptures.

The only way we can live upright in an upside-down world is to take captive every thought, turn over the desires of our heart to God, adopt the mind of Christ, and seek Him in everything that we do. And we need to hold each other accountable as the Scriptures tell us to. We need to allow grace for those who are not yet mature in their faith, but we need to make sure that these claims of "Christianity" are not damaging the Kingdom of God. We need to grow each other up in the Word, and we need to separate ourselves from the teachings of this world. We need to immerse ourselves daily in the study of Him. We need to start recognizing the difference between upside-down and right-side-up.

When is Trust not Enough...

What is the #1 thing we value most with our relationships? The one thing that, if it were to be compromised, would cause the most damage? If I were to take a poll I'm positive the overwhelming majority would answer TRUST. A marriage torn apart by poor decisions cannot be repaired until trust is restored. Feeling damaged by harmful words said by someone we thought we could share our hearts with, friendships lost, all because we have lost the ability to trust. So how can we expect to have a fullfilling relationship with our Heavenly Father if we do not trust Him? How can we claim to be believers if we try to take our lives into our own hands because we don't trust the God of Creation to do it for us? If we trust ourselves and other men, but not God, who do we really worship?

What reason do we have not to trust God with our future? It reminds me of God's plan for my own family. With endometriosis I was told my junior year of high school that it may be difficult for me to conceive or carry a child. When we were married we immediately wanted a family, but didn't believe it would happen any time soon. However, 3 months later we found out we were pregnant with our precious Maddox. At my first appointment we discovered I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. Praise God for this pregnancy because that was what brought this to light (I honestly don't know if I would have gone in for a routine pap smear anytime soon had it not been for the pregnancy. I was only 21 and had no reason to even think about cervical cancer.) I was very concerned about what this meant for the future, but praise God the cells were completely flushed from my body with the delivery of my precious baby boy and I have had negative pap results for the past 3 years! After the birth of our daughter I began having serious pain that we felt was related to the endometriosis. After a procedure, it was revealed that I have a prolapsed uterus. She told me I may be able to still carry a child, but because of the severe pain I needed to have a hysterectomy as soon as we made a decision. I was so thankful for the precious blessings of my son and my daughter and was completely satisfied with my life. I was put on the strongest birth control available as we discussed what we were going to do. I decided it was best for my children if I had the procedure so I wouldn't have to miss out on their lives because of the pain. I had called my doctor to schedule an appointment to talk about having a hysterectomy, but it turns out I really needed an appointment to check on our newest precious life. During the first trimester with Kason I began having severe bleeding, and they found placental lakes (where the placenta had attached to my uterus). It was a very scary first 20 weeks. Every night I would sit in the shower and cry out to God. This meant I would need a cesarean hysterectomy, which I wasn't scared of since I had already mentally prepared myself for a hysterectomy before, but it also meant there would be a chance of significant bleeding for me and my life would be at risk. With 2 children it's hard not to think that I may have only had 9 more months to spend with them. Miraculously (after already having 5 separate ultrasounds to check on the placenta issues) my 20 week ultrasound was clear. The placental lakes were gone! This is not something that happens. It was a completely mind-boggling moment for me. I was finally able to breathe and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy delivering a healthy baby boy the way I had wanted with no surgery and an in-tact uterus. She even checked my uterus after delivery and said everything felt great as far as prolapse goes and I have had no further pain...With such strong evidence of God's power and provision how can I NOT trust Him?

The Duggar's announcement of a 20th child has stirred up a righteous fire in me. I am heartbroken to hear Christians say leaving their family in God's hands is "selfish", a "cop-out", "a way to keep from making hard decisions", "irresponsible", and on, and on, and on. Well, I say to them, what makes you think you know better than God? Where in the Bible does it say God needs our help in making His decisions? God places personal convictions in every one's life. Frankly, the only irresponsible thing in NOT putting EVERY decision in God's hands. The only selfish thing is chosing Our way over GOD'S way. And who are we to tell someone they are being "irresponsible" for following the call God has placed on their life. How can we have any sort of relationship with God if we don't TRUST in Him and instead we continue to rely on ourselves?

The Beauty of the Inner Spirit: Anti-Feminists

Sometimes I come across a post that I just have to share, a post that stirs my spirit. Women, remember the calling God placed on us from creation. Are you trying to be super woman or an abiding woman? Are you mothering out of yourself or through God's powers? Keep all of this in mind and click on the image below to read how we are called to be Anti-Feminists! Hopefully this challenges you the way it did me. Even if you don't agree 100% I hope it helps you to get a better picture of who you are as a woman of God.

If a man's home is his castle, then a woman's home is her kingdom

In a society that so undervalues our calling as mothers sometimes I feel I was born in the wrong era. Getting pregnant within 3 months of marriage and having children very close together used to be considered a blessing, it used to be envied in a wife. However, now it is almost a sense of embarrassment. People seem to have no boundaries when it comes to sharing their views of my children. Comments range from my apparent lack of hobbies to questions about our personal finances. It was hard to handle at first, but now that I know how great this calling is that I have on my life, how glorious a blessing this is, I can't do anything but stand in awe that God chose me for this.

I found such encouragement from this quote off of A Wise Woman Builds Her Home...

Home is the true wife's kingdom.

Very largely does the wife hold in her hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness and the highest good of the hearts that nestle there. In the last analysis, home happiness depends on the wife.

Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere.

Her hands fashion its beauty.

Her heart makes its love.

And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call, should consider any price too great to pay, to be . . .

the light,
the joy,
the blessing,
the inspiration,
of a home.

The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.

A true mother is one of the holiest secrets of home happiness.
God sends many beautiful things to this world,
many noble gifts;
but no blessing is richer than that which He bestows

in a mother

who has learned love's lessons well,
and has realized something of the meaning
of her sacred calling.


~ J. R. Miller, "Secrets of Happy Home Life, 1894" ~