|What if the words we find so "inspiring" are wrong?|
Oh, how I wish everyone had the freedom to realize the deception of these words. Perhaps the reason I had such a strong reaction to these words is because of the recent events surrounding this blog (esp my first post). The personal attacks for my beliefs, the rift it has caused in certain relationships, the fact that it has shed light into areas that I had been able to keep covered in darkness and ignore. But through all the harsh words, the tears, and perceived truths that were being revealed as lies, God began to reveal this falsehood to me. The lie that had been planted who knows when. The lie that what others feel or think about me should effect my beliefs, my happiness, my view of myself. Enduring weeks of constant attacks from someone who felt my beliefs were "harmful to mothers" who felt it was a sign of "mental instability" who took it as a "personal attack on her" was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Then to have certain other "Christians" in my life side with her had cast me into a state of insecurity. This lie that had been planted in my heart that if someone is "hurt" by my words then my words must be wrong, the lie that if others "disagree" with me then I must be wrong, the lie that my beliefs should be influenced by others opinions of the "truth". Lies, lies, lies. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ 2 Corinthians 10:5.
Here is a small snippet of one of the countless messages received and how God was able to use it for postive in my life...
"You just aren't using your gifts. No one will hear your message if it's oozing with judgement and condemnation...you are turning people off left and right. Have you received any positive feedback on your blog--at all? I am positive you are totally lying. I know several women that have told you that parenting is hard and that it's not okay to say it's not -- strong Christian women that are devout. And your blog has five followers as of today. I'm a mental health clinician and when you're ready to admit that you need help, I hope you seek it. Lying (even to strangers) is not only an unhealthy habit, but being untruthful is preached against in the Bible. I really can't say anything else to you, but I am terrified of people on the edge like you and I'll continue to watch you in order to protect my family."It makes my heart race and tears well up in my eyes to even read this again, to think about the other messages, to think how she (whom I have never met) and others (some of whom I have) have tried so hard to not only change what I believe, but put an end to my sharing it. The accusations of judgement are the worst since anyone who knows me, knows that my heart is so far from that. But as my pastor helped me to realize these attacks had nothing to do with me, nothing to do with my actual content, there was no truth behind the words that were being thrown at me. It is all about their feelings, their problems, their misconstructions and defenses, their misunderstanding of the truth. I pray no one has to endure such criticism, such personal attack for sharing their beliefs, such pain as I did through this, but if you do I pray that you can remember what it is that God was able to scream through my pain...My beliefs are not dependant on your view of the truth, my opinion of myself is not based on what you think about me, my happiness is not dependant of how you treat me! I know that this was God speaking into me because it was the last thing that was going through my head at the moment. Do not listen to the world when it tells you that your "attitude is based on how others treat you." Cling to the promises we have in Christ, hold on to His truths, use Him as your source of inspiration and you will not be led astray.